Light in The Mist
by LateyGaga
Summary: AU: Logan has been forced to move away from his glamorous L.A. life to live in a small minded, Minnesota town. Can love, loss, and pain help him and the people of this new place understand him. MA. Please Review.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note: I'm so excited to finally start fan-fictioning with my first Big Time Rush Story. I absolutely adore Kogan or Jarlos stories, so I don't really know where this one is heading behind sadness and romance. Anyway, I didn't realize it until I started looking around that my idea for the story was just like 's "Doll" which is absolutely amazing and if you haven't read it yet, then you totally should. Okay, So I'll shut up now and go ahead and start the story. XoXo**

I hated moving. I absolutely loved where I lived before we had to come to the hell hole they call Minnesota. L.A. was the best place in the world for anyone who had a dream of breaking through the mainstream and being famous. And that was a passion I had had my whole life. I loved music; it ran through my brain and into each one of my different veins. I manipulated music into helping me to understand things like math and science better by using the repetition and rhythm music offers. And all I wanted in this life was to be a famous musician entertaining people everywhere and serving as a source of inspiration for all those with a hard upbringing. I wanted to help poor kids, effeminate kids, smart kids, outcast kids in general to never give up hope. My dad was a car repairs man and my mother was a teacher and they always encouraged me to live my dreams and reach my full potential. When I finally came out to them, there was no pressure. Everyone but my dad in my family was so proud to have a gay son. My cousins and grandparents and friends all told me it gave me a very unique, edge and perspective to help people. They told me it was good to be different and special and I was that much closer to living my dreams. My dad didn't care. And he didn't care because deep down he hated it; he despised it and that always hurt me. Cause it mean he despised me. For a long time he told me he wanted to grow up to be like him and I wanted to. He promised to never leave me because of how he was raised. Two teenage parents who had a kid and got kicked out of their respective houses. His dad left him three months in and his mom died of a drug overdose when he was eight. Neither of his grandparents would take him so at the ripe age of nine after court settlement and pay-offs, he ended up in foster care. But he made it through, put himself through college, and eventually met my mom there. And there were happy and got married and moved to L.A. and lived happily ever-after. As if. My mom hated my dad for never being able to fully provide for her. Paying off College debts just to end up to be a mechanic shop owner didn't amount to much to her. She though she would be going into a life of lavish and luxury as she would never have to work, but she did. And she was very bitter about it. She had her family around her, but they were relatively poor in the first place and a lot of times she was forced to take care of them. And she was very bitter about that too. But she always tried to hide it from me. She would whisper to me as I'd fall asleep at night, "Go to sleep little Logie so your dreams can be happier than your life." And then I remember she would always weep. I never understood what she meant by that, but later I would keep it close to heart. Because I was being forced to move. When dad died in the shooting, my mom wanted to get away from L.A.; away from her family and away from that life in general. So she called her youngest, black-sheep sister to know if we could come stay with her a little while in Minnesota till we could find permanent residence there. And that's when my dreams crumbled like dust. I cried for days while we packed and she told me it would be okay; we would be happy, but I knew we weren't. Or at least I wouldn't. Because by leaving L.A., I was leaving all my dreams. I was leaving my family behind who adored me and I adored back. I was leaving all my friends who swore to always stand by me. I was leaving behind what made up Logan Mitchell and that stung like a cut to the arm. When we arrived in Minnesota, I had initially decided to be as moody and angsty as I could be so I wouldn't have to deal with people. I had two years before I was officially an adult, and as soon as that happened, I was going straight back to L.A. to stay with family till I found someone to make me famous. All I had to put up with was two years; that couldn't be that bad could it. The first friend I made here was my cousin Camille. As kids we played dress up together and we used to call each other 'Cammy' and 'LoLo.' It was our thing and we used to play for hours before they left for Minnesota. Boy had she changed; splendid brunette hair and an angelic face that was pale like snow. I instantly knew we would reconnect and already I had forgotten my swear to myself. We kept each other's old nicknames and ran around town together meeting her friends and people from school. Finally, we stopped by an old soda joint (isn't that hilarious to say) when I saw this hot group of guys. Four beautiful guys sitting at a table laughing and eating together; it was like a scene out of some crappy ABCfamily show.

So I hit Camille in the shoulder and said, "He Cammy, who are those cute guys over there." I took a sip.

"Ha Lolo," She responded, "You don't have to set me up on any dates, I have a boyfriend." She winked at me and then started to slurp what was left of her drink.

I giggled, thinking she was maybe kidding, "Fine by me; I was asking for myself anyway Cammy-girl." I turned to stare at them again while Camille got that look on her face that I would get when I was thinking. It was funny who much we looked and acted alike. I wanted to be a singer, She an Actress.

All of the sudden she gave me a bizarre look before saying in my face, "Your one of those homosexuals aren't you!" She was starting to get louder. And I wasn't particularly sure if she was acting or was some kind of strang religious zealot, but it kind of offended me.

I looked at her intensely trying to see if I could get her to crack and then find out she was punking me, but that wasn't the case and the whole place was starting to stare at us. "I though that was obvious Cammy, why are you acting to strange about it?"

She turned to me with her nose high in the air, like a whole nother person than before, "I won't be part of your homo-activities that poison our Earth." She was treating me like I was some kind of pollutant trash that she needed to get rid of. And this girl thought she could make it in Hollywood with beliefs like that. I started to giggle, treating it like a joke whether it was or wasn't, but Camille didn't. She threw the money on the counter and stormed out. It was shocking, but the look on the shack's faces was even more disturbing.

Different faces of disgust and horror plastered their faces before I started to shout, "What, never seen a Gay person before?" For some reason I still thought it was part of the town's humor, but it wasn't. They were genuinely closed minded people. That's when the person behind the counter quietly asked me to leave.

I turned to look him in the face and was about to question his call or my reason to leave when he pointed to the sign on the wall. It read as follows,

"No Persons of Lower Moral Standards or Upbringing Are To Taint This Shop. Please Leave Immediately If So Not To Disturb The Costumers."

I gave the restaurant one last sweeping glance before storming out of the shop in a huff and just standing outside getting ready to call my mom. I didn't know anything about this town and it was obvious that Camille wasn't coming back. I started to cry a little and put the phone down next to my thigh as I hung up as soon as I pressed call. It was too hard to talk right now after what just happened in there. I had read stories about stuff like this and had seen movies, but never had I experienced this before. I didn't want my life to be one of those depressing movies because someone always died by the end. Broke Back Mountain, Boys Don't Cry, and Milk. Those were the first three I could think of and I didn't want to live that. Then the boys I was looking at came out. The leader of the group with beautiful green eyes and cute blonde hair took me by the shoulder softly.

"You okay, you looked really hurt in there."

I sniffled and then said softly, "Yeah, thank yo-"

He quickly grabbed my hand and cut me off saying, " Why don't we take you home to make sure no one tried to hurt you."

I was so grateful to this beautiful boy and his three friends that I didn't pay attention to what direction they were taking me in. We turned down a dark alley when I realized something wasn't right and then I turned to them giving them my best impression of 'dear-in-the-head-light' eyes just so that maybe they'd have mercy. They didn't.

That's when another one spoke, he was Latino with short Black hair, "What's the matter dough eyes, walking you home wasn't faggy enough for you." He punched me hard in the jaw and I hit the floor hard.

Then the blonde one kicked me in the gut and stated loudly, "What, don't want to suck our dicks, I hear that's what you homo's like isn't it." He got down on my level while tears were flooding up my eyes and said, "Wanna seduce me dough eyes, wanna try to turn me queer." He stepped on my had with all his force.

"I think that's what we'll call you from now on, Bambi, because like Bambi, you're a bitch." The Latino boy kicked me in the knees and now I was just balled up on the ground sobbing as hard and loud as I could. No one seemed to care who passed by. Not one person.

That's when the tallest boy with the most delicate features pronounced loudly, "Why don't I give him what he wants. You guys go home, you don't wanna see what I'm gonna do to our little Bambi." Both boys slapped his hand and walked out of the alley with smug smiles on their faces before I got ready for the worst of all. I had saved sex for someone I truly loved and I knew that he wasn't the one. I didn't even know him. And thinking about rape made me shiver. And Shiver loudly. I finally said as loud as I could when I had finally unclenched my jaw, "do it. Get it over with and just move on. I swear I won't tell if you don't hurt me." I started to sob harder when he finally bent down in a squat to look at me.

He stated firmly, "I'm not gonna hurt you, I swear. I needed to get them away to be able to help and clean you up. You Okay." He spoke fast as he took a town he had in his back pocket and turned on the spickett next to us to get the towl wet. He started to lift me up and clean some of the blood off my face with the towel when I finally said, "NO! This is a strange townwithmeanpeopleandi," He shut me up with a soft kiss on the cheek before giggling and saying softly, "Why don't I clean you up at my house Bambi."

**Author's Note: I know I already gave you guys a note at the top but I felt it was important to do a second one. I didn't chose Bambi from the' Bad Boys Know What They Want' story even though that one is super great as well. I got it from Rookie Blue when they were talking about the main character's eyes as dough eyes. Tell me if I spelled it wrong in reviews, please, and I promise this is gonna end up a Kogan series, it just kinda starts Jagan. Love Ya, Again and I'll try to update as fast as I can (somedays that will be daily, sometimes it might be monthly, have patience). XoXo**

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	2. Chapter 2

I hesitantly followed the tall boy to his car, which was beautifully shiny of course, but I couldn't name it in any way. I just didn't get cars. Or this boy for that matter. But something about him made me want to trust him. I couldn't tell if it was his soft, kind features or his beautifully shaped hair, or the slight tint of mascara on his lashes that of course only I could catch. This boy was gay. This boy was so gay it made me see rainbow colors. Or maybe I was just seeing colors from the beating I had taken, or the tears I had cried about it. I got into his car slowly, deciding if I was gonna run that this time would be better than never. But something about that cute, strange smile got me. He didn't smile normally, and it was precious, but I had to focus on staying alive. He locked the doors and put the keys in the ignition and I could have sworn I saw this exact scene in Twilight, and this boy seemed more like Jacob than Edward. I was enjoying my discussion in my head about who was hotter while I stared out the window when he said, "So Bambi, What's your real name."

I whipped around quickly to him and retorted, "You were in the restaurant like everyone else, I'm sure you heard." I said it a little harsher than I intended, but I did have the excuse of being hurt.

He chuckled a little before looking at me "I wasn't listening."

I responded quickly, "What? Looking in the Blonde's dreamy eyes." This one was meant to be snooty. I knew he heard.

He blushed before answering honestly, "Yeah, Actually, I was." He looked embarrassed to admit this to me. He acted like he had never told anyone before.

"Then I guess we both were." I giggled a little and he looked over at me and stared to giggle to. If you were just hearing us talk, you'd think we were just love-struck teenage girls.

He shook it off quickly though and said in a firm voice, "I'm James. James Diamond. Part of the wealthy diamond family in town. Maybe you've heard of us."

I shook my head, "No reason to show boat dude, I've been in this town for about four hours now, I know crap." I slapped my hand over my mouth as soon as I said it cause I never knew when it was okay to cuss with people.

"It's fine Bambi, don't be so afraid around me. I gave you my secret. If you go down, I'm goin' down with you. But you never told me your name." He kept his eyes on the rode, but obviously he was anxious to hear my answer.

"My names Logan Mitchell and I just want to go back to L.A." I stated matter-of-factly, hoping that he would understand my feel of urgency to go back.

"That's so cool," he squealed, and he changed from his serious self to his playful self in a matter of seconds. "My dream is to go to New York and do Broadway. To get out of this wretched town and never look back. I love singing and acting, but I've always have to hide it because people will judge me and that's my biggest fear."He gave me a look that said he didn't mean to say that.

Moments went by silently for a long time when I finally broke the awkwardness that was spreading through the car at a fast rate. "James," I pause because it was too hard to say, "why did you tell them you were gonna, you know, rape. Me." My voice was very soft and it felt like all the wounds came back when I thought about it again.

"I needed them away from you." He said in a voice matching mine, "I've never met someone who feels the same way about people as I do. I think I love you." We had finally arrived in his driveway and he put the car into park. My lips tingled for the sensation I knew he would give me as he cupped my face in his hands and slowly took me in. Our lips met and split just as fast. He looked at me with a sad expression before asking, "Did. You feel. Anything."

"Sorry," I responded sadly, "nothing, not even one spark Jamie." We both looked away disappointed for about five minutes before we could face each other again. And for some reason we stared to laugh. We started to laugh really hard. We laughed so hard our eyes watered and our stomachs heart. And after twenty minutes laughing about that disastrous moment, I looked over to him and said lightheartedly, "Friends."

He Grabbed my hand and shook-it roughly, "Best Friends." And that was when I met the person I thought could be my Best Friend for Life (I'm not really sure what the acronym is for in now-a-days). But as we got out of the car, I remembered what had happened just about an hour before. My knees still really hurt and my stomach felt like it was going to fall out. Laughing didn't help. And my hand still really ached from where he stepped on it. My face was the only thing that really felt a little better. James noticed and he came over and put his arm under my shoulder to help me the rest of the way to his room. He balanced me on one arm and unlocked the door with another. It was obvious no one was home, so it was easy for James to sneak me to his room. He was an only child, but that wouldn't be my first shock for the day. His Room was my big shock. He opened the door and it shown like the walls of boob-topia. The walls were covered in posters of half-naked women in extremely suggestive posters and where there wasn't Kim Kardashian or Holly Madison, there was a rosary, or cross, or something religious. "Over compensating much Mr. Diamond," I said with a smirk, "Or do Jesus and Kendra just get you goin." That one had me and I fell back on the bed laughing, hurting myself more.

James was digging deep in his closet for something when he responded back, "Don't now know it," he giggled a little before continuing, "And it makes you pretty freakin gay to recognize Kendra dude." It was weird for me to sleep in out of masculine and feminine saying and attitudes, but something about it made since when I was with this closeted-puddle mess that was James.

"But to be Accurate, over there is Kim Kardashian, on that wall is Holly Madison, and I lover her show, 'Holly's World'," I giggled to see him pointing at these sexed up characters and talking about how much he loved their show, "And that one, way over there is my favorite, It's Britney herself." He ran over it and mock-bowed as I looked at the iconic photo of Britney Spears in a school girl outfit.

"Hard to find," I said jokingly.

"Yeah," he responded serious, "I spent a whole day going through straight guy magazines at a gross shop before I found it."

"Ucchh," I said loudly, "Really wish that kiss had worked out because you have the best personality." I said upside on his bed.

"You're too much of a bottom for me," "That coming from the boy with perfectly sculpted hair and fawning over Britney Spears." "Still not the one who ran around with his fag-hag all day." "Easy up on the f-word Jamez."

He looked at me strangely, "How did you know Jamez was one of me nick-names." "I didn't, I just saw it on the poster of Bridget over there." I said still with a smirk. "Oh, I forgot, Kendaaaaalllllllll," He stretched out the name a little longer for effect and swooning purposes, "wrote it after a teacher called me it in on my first day of eighth grade," "You've had that poster since the Eighth grade," "It's Bridget. From the Playboy House. She hasn't been there in forever. Don't you watch any T.V." "I don't watch any," I said snootily, putting my nose high in the air.

"Typical California Prick," he said tossing a pillow at me. "I like pricks, I'm not one." "Then why don't you watch any E! shows. No Kardashians, Girls Next Door, Holly's World, Kendra," He looked at me like I was an alien, "Please tell me you at least watch Chelsea Lately."

From my spot on his dresser I shook my head and he put his arms out and fell back into the bed as dramatically as possible. "What's wrong with you." He pleaded.

I finally cracked and said, "My Parents were to poor to afford Cable. They could barely afford me. And by the way, I see why you need to be on Broadway." I made jazz hands at him and he threw a pillow which hit me in the stomach were I was aching. I fell. I fell hard and it hurt. James jumped up quick and put me on the bed slowly before grabbing more pillows and towels. "I'm so sorry, Bambi, I didn't mean to hurt you, are you okay." I shook my head, but I knew I wasn't. No matter how great today was, I was still hurt and I had to be careful.

"Why don't I put on some E! for us right now so you can get used to it cause as my best friend, you'll be coming over a lot." He turned on the T.V. and the big fat ass of Kim Kardashian flashed across the screen. I laughed a little. "She should really be a gay icon, because what top wouldn't want to fuck that with a dick." What I didn't realize was that I said that out loud.

"You're totally right, but if they're lookin for a cock, they need to look at Khloe, cause she's obviously a dude." We both laughed and even though I knew it was mean to make fun of her, it was fun. It was amazing how fast we got along.

"You know for all the naughty words that slip out of your mouth, you look very gentle, soft, and ignorant on the outside. Like a little child." James said.

"Are you calling me short, Jamez," questioning his logic there, even though I knew well I was petite.

"Yeah beautiful," he mumbled and then kissed me again. Five seconds later we were both wiping our tongues. "Still Nothing," he said

"It felt forced more than anything," I answered

"Yeah I know," James said, flipping his hair.

"Still Friends," I offered

"Still Friends," he said, "You're too much of a bottom anyway."

I laughed. I couldn't believe he'd bring up this argument anymore, but we went along, bantering for a good two hours before he took me home. There Camille and I made up and we came to terms with who I was, and she truly liked me more now. James, her, and I would hang out whenever he wasn't with his other friends (Which was barely ever), but we created a strong bond between the three of us in just a few days. What can I say? I still don't know what I think of day one.

**Author's Note: Sorry the Ending seemed rushed but I was trying to get to when he'd finally go to school and I needed to settle the Camille mess on the way. I liked it, but did you guys. Tell me in the Reviews and don't feel bad to rip me apart. I like it rough. Raw. Love You guys. XoXo**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: I realize I'm updating this story fast, but that's just cause a lot of the beginning of the story came at me really fast. Also I want to please your voracious appetites' for Kogan lust. Lastly, I'm just straight up excited to start my first story, dorky right. Anyway, let's get going cause we're finally to Logan's first school day in Minnesota. Enjoy. Love You. XoXo**

It was my first day of school and I was really nervous and James wasn't any help because he told me that everyone was waiting for the new, out gay guy to come. He said I was a headliner and I better not fail to make a big scene with clothing so people knew who I was. Because being in a bigoted town wasn't hard enough, no pea cocking in High School that you were gay to a bunch of jocks was the way to go. Thanks James. And since he was so adamant on the phone last night, I decided not to fail him and I went all out. I went to the Wal-Mart done the street to buy a quick, cheap jacket (and let me tell you, it wasn't pleasant, but I was desperate, so don't judge) for tomorrow. It was bright blue. I then raided my closet and then the boxes left in my room for the shirt I would use. It was the Old Navy, 2011 Pride fest edition that had the words "Love Proudly," plastered down it in each color of the pride flag. Those with a pair of leather gloves Camille gave me that I cut the fingers out of and tight gray skinny jeans with pink converses really set me up to show like a unicorn. I realized the pink converse was a little overdone, but I wanted to make sure every single person knew. Why the hell not. If I was gonna get judged, might as well get judged like a champ. I started by going to the secretary's office to pick up my schedule and information. The secretary honestly didn't know how to respond to me or my outfit.

She just said, "Be careful out there Bam… I mean Logan….. you might be coming on a little to strong." I got what she was trying to say, but I already knew that, and I was ready to go and be the center of attention. And oh how I was. I walked to my locker and opened it and while there, some football players told me to just call if I ever wanted to blow anyone. Cause you know sometimes I just can't fight the urge. Then the Hockey Team felt my ass up after one of them knocked my books out of my hands and I bent over to pick them up. Someone put a sticker that said, "God hates Fags" on my locker and I got in trouble for religious references. Did I mention this all started before the day began. Then classes started and that's where things got intense. A few guys dressed in leather came up and crowded around my desk. Then the ring-leader started to talk, "We don't like your Girly-Boy types roaming our halls."

I didn't really know how to respond. I was still traumatized from the fact that Kendall might have grabbed my ass. He got in my face and the ring of people got tighter when he started again, "Why don't I let my fists straighten you up, if you catch my drift." I just realized what was going to happen when he drew his fist back. I tried to cover my face but gave up and just decided to take the hit. It wasn't my first one, and it wasn't the worst on to happen to me. Being threatened with death and rape was the worst thing to happen to me. Even if the rape part never was even gonna happen. The fist was only a few centimeters from my face when all of the sudden, he fell back, he fell back hard on his ass. And then I saw her. She was a beautiful girl who was tall with blonde hair and brown eyebrows. She looked like a girl version of Kendall, and I didn't know why, but I like it.

"Back the Fuck off, Or I'll fuck the rest of you up." Her voice was soft, but at the same time, it demanded authority.

"Back the Fuck up Dykey-Wykey, were here to beat up the fag; you don't matter anymore" the second boy said after their leader was still on the ground. That's when it happened. The thing than would confuse me forever. Kendall came over and gave one look. Not to me or the girl. But to the bully's around us. They ran. They all ran with their tail between their legs. And then he turned to the girl and said to her roughly, "Tell your rainbow friend to tone it down Jo, or I'll beat him up myself." He walked away without a second word. I bent over to get my books when she got down on he floor with me.

"You okay," she said gently to me as she spoke up.

"Yeah, just dandy," I said grimly to her as she handed me the books.

"I'm Jo, what's your name," she said still smiling.

"I'm Logan, I'm new," I said quietly.

"That's obvious," she responded chuckling.

"Can I ask you a question," I responded, looking at her with scared eyes.

"Only if I can as well," she said as she lead me to the front two desks. We sat down getting ready for our first period math class.

"Why'd they call you a .. 'dyke'" I said, but I couldn't look her in the eyes.

She was blunt about it, "I'm an out Lesbian. You know your not as revolutionary as you think, but now it's my turn. Really? Pink Shoes." She said, still slightly chuckling.

I giggled and then said, "Really, you think too overdone." "All you need left is you different colored hair to finish off the stereotype," "Thanks, that's what I was going for,"

Then she looked at me, looked around, and then looked at me again, "Don't do this again," she said softly, but with authority, "I get you wanted to make a show day one, but people don't respond well to that. I still get shit for going by 'Jo' and Josephine." I nodded, understanding exactly what she said and taking heed. She was right, I didn't expect this level of frigidness on day one and yet here it was.

I turned to her again, "We're both gonna take a lot of … shit …. For this I know, so you wanna be friends."

"If you mean LGBT sticking together, than hell yeah, but I was planning to be your friend from the get-go," she gave me those honest eyes, "I loved Bambi."

I didn't get it at first till I thought of Kendall. He's been calling me Bambi around here hasn't he. I bet he gets some sick pleasure out of it. Beating me up and then protecting me from bullies. Giving me a pet name and then threatening to hurt me. I was so confused, and I like it. Even when he did what he did to me, I had a weird yearning for Kendall. Its love and hate. Hurt and Care. And it made me sick to be in love with such a homophobe. And then I was forced to admit it. I was kinda in love with him and I didn't know how. The Professor rushed in with his papers going everywere and got straight into the lesson. I felt like he didn't know what he was saying so I watched as he bounced around the board erratically, writing random equations and calling people to the board to answer as he threw the lesson together. I thought it was hilarious. I loved school, specifically math, and it was weird to have a teacher I felt superior to. But I knew if I was gonna make a splash my first day, I was gonna have get in the zone, so I hummed my favorite song under my breath,

"the Fame, Fame, doing it for the fame, fame, cause we gotta live the life of the rich and famous…" and I was ready, I was ready to dominate that class. And I did, and I did the one after that and the one after that. Because a secret very dear to me was that music helped every aspect of my life. I completely depended on it for everything. It became my friend when I had none and stayed with me forever. When everything was gone, I still had music. A really nice part of my first periods was the fact that Jo was with me for all of them. We exchanged cell numbers during a dull moment in science while the teacher was lecturing on homework. And it made me think. I still don't have James's or Camille's number. I couldn't get Camille's number because she went to a private school, but I could get James's here at school today.

So at lunch I walked up to him at his table, with his friends, and asked, and then it hit me what I had done wrong, "Dude, I'm not gay" He said defensively, Carlos punching his fist while he continued, " and I better not once find you checking out my ass or I'll go psycho." Carlos was egging him on. "Tell him, put that no good homo in his place." And that's when I started to break again. The flood gates started to fall and I knew I couldn't take one more word so I just looked at my bright pink shoes. Then James started again, "For such a smart ass kid, you don't know when to stop do you. You were nothing but a way to get my rocks off and you know it. You may have liked it, but I sure as hell didn't," and then I remembered what he told his friends. He was gonna have his way with me. And in his mind with them, he did. And I just started to cry. About everything. About how much I needed James's friendship. About how much I wanted this town's acceptance. About how I wished Jo would bail me out again. About how I possibly-could love Kendall. And it all hurt. It all came pouring out. That's when I felt two arms scoop up my shoulders and half drag me to a table as I continued to sob. I heard her yell fuck off and I felt her blonde pony-tail bounce against the back of my head.

"Why do you act so innocent all the time Bambi," Jo started, "Stand up for yourself and don't let those bastards put you down." I looked up and she smiled, "We have each other don't we." I nodded silently as she tossed me the roll off her plate. "It up dough-eyes, we wanna keep you beautiful." I giggled and so did she and we had a nice lunch together. As time went by, I finally responded to her comment.

"I'm not always so pitiful and innocent. I have quite a potty-mouth around friends," I confessed aloud.

She bowed her head, "Oh, we're just not that close a friends. I get i…."

I smirked, "You don't get it at all, bitch."She laughed and I laughed and it felt like my time with James all over again. And that's when we started going by 'Bambi and the Bitch' around the whole school. It was super-cool to have an out best-friend. We were each other's heroes.


	4. Chapter 4

_2 weeks later_

Jo and I decided to go to the mall today because we both needed new stuff; me more than her I might add.

"You know it's gonna be Halloween soon," she said as she was going through the racks of clothes at _Aeropostles_. "And we need to make a big splash this year," she said, finally turning to me and smirking.

"I thought you told me to stop doing that, remember," I quickly retorted, leaning against the wall as I watched her shop, "remember the shoes."

"Yeah," she said, taking her clothes she was getting up to the counter, "but that was because you weren't making the best first impression. People in this town strive on stereotypes, and you were acting like a living one."

"That's because I am one," I said giggling as she faux-glared at me, "I'm about four steps away from hand waves and full blown accent."

"Nope," she said quickly, "You already wave your hands in the air like a train conductor," she whistles at me, forcing me to blush when the attention was back on us. "You gotta stop turning so bright red, Bambi," she continued, "or people might end up thinking were in loooooovvve!"

I blew her a kiss and she slapped it away, "Yeah, the Gay and the Lesbian are just hooking up all the time aren't they," I said sarcastically. "You know it," she said just the same, "I bet they just claim to be that way for attention." We were having a great time laughing and joking as we made our way through the small mall. By the end of our time there, either of us could barely walk from all the stuff we had bought, but we decided to go to the food court anyway. After getting all set up and causing a big scene, I told Jo I would go get her an ice-cream while she went and bought drinks.

"And don't you dear run off with some whore, love," she shouted in a faked Texan accent, "because you know I would miss you so."

"Neither do you, my dear," I responded, the crowd still staring at us with disbelieving eyes. I finally got to the ice-cream stand when I recognized the person in line in front of me.

"Logan," he said as he spun and saw me. The jig was up, I couldn't avoid him any longer and I wasn't ready to talk.

"What do you want," I responded coldly, "You've already forced me to cry in front of everyone. Want to punch me in the face for good measure."

He gave me a shamed look as he turned away and then came back to me, "We really need to talk Logan," it was weird to be called Logan again because I was getting used to Bambi, "I have to explain to you why I did it." That's when Camille came up behind him and kissed him deep on the lips.

"Hey baby," she said, "why are you talking to Bambi here." "I introduced you to him, as my 'closeted best friend,' remember," I stated loudly, " who the hell are you acting for." "We're not acting," Camille said, holding James's arm tight, "he was just confused, curious really, but I helped him come back to normality.

"What's gotten into you Cammy," I said, "I thought we had come to terms with all this crap and we were closer now." "Yeah, we did, before you started to hang out with Lezzy over there," she said cruelly, referring to Jo who was slowly sipping at her Diet Coke, "People around town are talking about You. And Her. And I won't have anyone thinking that I'm gay by association; I've decided to save James from that humiliation," Camille smiled into the last statement, turning to James and kissing him on the nose.

I looked stunned and hurt, "You've been ignoring me since I started school because I hang out with a Lesbian," she nodded and I went on, "cause you think people in this town will think you're a lesbian by knowing her." It was so confusing what was happening; one second besties, next enemies, then besties again and back to square 2, enemies. She continued to nod and I stared in disbelief while James gave the person at the counter their order. "Do you know how ridiculous you sound by saying that," I said, and then she and James walked away, no response what so ever besides the fact that she didn't acknowledge me at all by the end. Like I was some kind of strange animal. And the worst part was, I really thought we were over this already. She seemed so cool after her first outburst. I ordered, flustered, and was a little to rude to the ice-cream guy, but I was pissed. I had come so far with the both of them to only be put back farther. I took the two cones and sat back down with Jo, huffing and puffing in the process.

"So I guess she told you," Joe said, taking a slow lick of the cone, "why everyone has made a huge deal to avoid us." "Yeah," I replied angrily, taking the who length of the top down my mouth and then pulling it out before licking the sides thoroughly. She looked at me and started laughing. "Do you always get so sexual when you're angry Bambi, because it's an interest side of you to see. All innocent and then giving a blow-job to the ice-cream." I rolled my eyes at what she said and slowly licked the top, flicking the tip on my tongue before realizing what I was doing. "I really do that," I said, a mortified expression showed through my face. She laughed harder this time, "When ever you get frustrated in class, you do the same thing. *giggle* With. *giggle* Your.*louder giggle* Pencils!" She said before bursting out laughing again. She tried to talk again, but couldn't and knocked her ice-cream over as she laughed. I acted like I wasn't amused, but I began to laugh with her. "I guess that's why I always feel people's stared on me when I get something wrong," I said, "I thought it was because they just thought I was that smart." She finally composed herself enough to speak again. "I wish you could watch Kendall," she said, starting to giggle again, "He almost creamshispants!" she said in one fast laugh talk before she started to almost fall over again chuckling. I faked laughed with her, but what she said made me think. Kendall had beat the crap out of me my first day, but she was right, I could always feel his stare on my back when I did anything. I always thought it was because he hated me, I never thought about it, that he may have a crush on me. But then something I had blocked out of my mind came back to me. The first day of school, he and Jo saved from those bullies. Why save someone you don't care about. My mind was running in furious circules.

"You okay Bambi," she said hesitantly, "you're just starin …. YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON KENDALL!" she exclaimed into my face as I finally turned and stared at her with huge eyes.

"No, No, that's ridiculous. I told you what he did to me day one. I can't believe you would even think that," I said, doing my best not to bat my eyes, but it was to late. Jo knew me well enough to read me like a book.

"You do, You wanna do Kendall Knight," she said smirking with self satisfaction.

"I want him to do me," I let slip out before my eyes got wider and I threw my hand over my mouth.

"Well I bet you have a chance," she said staring at the side of my face smiling as I stared in another direction, blushing harder than I had in a while, "he's been protecting you like your guardian angel since day 1. He just didn't announce it all the other times."

"Really I said," finally turning back to her, but still not able to directly look her in the eyes, "I might have a shot."

"but I really think we should talk about Halloween now, Bambi," she said as we picked our trash up, threw it away, and got in the car and went home.

**Author's Note: Hopefully that will get you Kogan appetite going cause it's gonna really heat up soon. Be Ready. Please review and tell me if I should do more long, dramatic stories or short-one shots. I'd really love to know. And I really also love you. XoXo**


	5. Chapter 5

Jo drove me home after our mall visit and as I walked up the side-walk into my house, a car pulled up. A beautiful, shiny car that I had no idea how to name and then the call came from inside of it.

"Come on Bambi, get in the car, we have to talk," the voice on the other line said to me, "I promise not to hurt you this time."

"Shut up James," I said harshly, "I don't want to see you again. Just go and screw Camille with all your self-hate and leave me be." I started to walk forward about to hang up my phone when I heard a sound that startled me.

He honked. He honked loud. And he was still honking as I turned towards the car again. "If you get in the car, I'll stop. Just come on Logan Dear, I swear I won't bite." He thought that was hilarious because he laughed at himself and I gave up. I swung the car door open loudly and sat down with my arms folded across my chest. "It doesn't matter what you say to me," I started before he could do anything, "I will never be able to trust you again."

"Look Logan, I didn't mean to hurt you at school all those times, or at the mall with Camille, but people are starting to ask questions around here. And my family would kill me if they found out I was … different," he said coldly, not being able to look me in the eyes for that last one.

"You can say Gay," I responded, "It's not a curse-word, it's not an insult, it's who you are. GAY, GAY, GAY GAY, GAY." I was shouting the word in his car, but not directly in his face because I was worried he wouldn't be able to control his driving. He wasn't that good in the first place.

"You saw my walls. Jesus and Boobs. That's all my parents allow me to think about." He said matter-a-factly, but I came back with, "Yeah, your parents are just pushing Vaj down your throat aren't they. Your Just scared James. Your just –" I trailed off when he slammed into a convenient store parking lot.

"You know nothing about me, Logan, and you never will!" He shouted. "I know you well enough to know you like it up the ass!" I yelled back. "I'm not like you, I don't have the opportunities you do, you don't have parents who wear religion on their sleeves like I d-" "I don't have parents, James. If you haven't realized all the times I said it, my dad is dad, or did you forget that about me to," I said cruelly, hurting myself in the motion. And then he began sobbing, hard, tears staining his perfectly made up face. "You grew up loving yourself Logan. You don't know what I go through every single day. When I leave the house every morning, my dad shouts, 'have a good day fag' because of the fact that I work so hard on how I look. They take away my clothes and anything that is important to me personally. Do know what that is like. Waking up each day and not knowing what to expect to find in your closet."

I nodded my head, not being able to look him in the eyes, " I know that exact feeling, cause there were times when I had nothing. When the only way to pay rent was to sell my shit," it felt weird to cuss, but I decided, this was one of those times to do it, "but I didn't realize it was going on with you."

"I have to hide my lucky comb on me while I'm sleeping just to ensure that nothing happens to it. It's all I have to comfort me when I find everything gone but a stack of 'Playboys'." I found myself laughing a little and he gave me a weird look through the tears. I looked up at him and smiled, tears still streaming down my own eyes, "Playboys, really, that's a new way to try to STRAIGHTEN," I put emphasis on the word for the pun of the joke, "your Gay son." He laughed a little again, but the tears didn't stop, just the sobs.

But then I asked hesitantly, "If you're trying so hard to seem straight, why do you were mascara." He gave me a strange look before replying, "Do you mean eyeliner." "No, I mean Mascara; your lashes are always so black and beautiful, I just assumed it wasn't natural." He giggled, "Now just imagine if I actually wore mascara, don't I look feminine enough." "So, you're telling me those lashes are all real." "Good genes" "You're lying." I got really close and pulled at his lashes to see if anything rubbed off. Nothing; Nada; Zilch. Just a Lash I accidently pulled off. "Now that was unconventional he said," laughing lightly as I studied his eyes. "You were born to be gay." I said, a smirk on my face. "So are we better," James asked. "Almost, but you have to come out, because we can't be sneaking around just to talk. This is all just too confusing for me." "I'll do it soon, Just give me some time," he said finally and he drove me back home and me and James continued our awkward, bizarre phone friendship, for now.

_3 weeks later_

"Jo, are you sure we should be doing this, we might start a riot," I said, trying to get her from stirring to much attention at James's big Halloween party in a week.

"Come on, it's Halloween, why not make a big scene; everyone talks about us anyway," Jo replied pulling down a plumber costume from one of the walls of the sleezy shop and seeing if it was her size.

"But, you even said it yourself day-one, not to gender-bend that much in this town," Logan said, still working on escaping the trap she was getting them in.

"No, I've explained this to you before, you never do it on your first day and you never do it at school were teachers refuse to help you, but this is a party, why not have fun," She said pulling down different costumes from each side of the wall and seeing which one would fit me.

"But what if this ruins my reputation," I pleaded, still working on getting her to see my point, "I want to be a doctor, this could ruin that."

"Yeah Bambi," she said "A Halloween costume will ruin your aspirations of becoming a doctor," she laughed after saying that before making a face that said she was inspired.

"Jo, what are you doing," I said firmly. "Come on, just stand still" "Hell no, you've gone crazy" "No, but you've become frigid" "No, cautious, because I've pulled this shit before and gotten in trouble." "It's good to hear you cuss, sometimes I feel like you're an angel only I can see." You can flatter me all you want, I'm not wearing it." I said it firmly, crossing my arms and sitting down with my legs crossed. She looked at the bottom of my shoe, caught the size before I slammed it down on the ground, and grabbed something else off the wall.

"Now we're ready Bambi," she gave me a smug look, "This will be a Halloween never to forget."

**Author's Note: I know this one was short, but the next one will be fun and long. Happy Halloween. Love You. XoXo**


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: This Chapter should be super-eventful so tell me how I did in the reviews. It's my first fan fic so I'm hoping everyone has enjoyed it thus far. And sorry for anything I might have taken from other stories. I didn't realize it till I was reading over all the other chapters. Forgive me. Love ya. XoXo.**

I knew tonight wasn't gonna be easy. After all the pressure Jo had put on me with my costume and what James told me about the party he was having, I knew tonight was gonna be hard. No doubt. So I just stood leaning on the Kitchen counter, waiting for Camille to leave so I could get dressed. Jo had strictly instructed me that the costume was supposed to be secret to everyone; she had some big plan on how we would enter the party with a bang, being fashionably late enough for people to pay attention. I was steadily drinking my water, humming music again and going through math equations to calm my nerves when a loud yelp and then thud came from the stair-case opposite me. Camille's mom was desperately taking pictures of her daughter as she marched down the stairs nursing a hurt knee. Camille was going as Madonna from her 'Like A Virgin' era and looked okay. She was missing two important things. And even if I was pissed at Camille right now, I wouldn't watch her ruin a perfectly good Madonna costume. I quickly scuttled to my room, grabbing two things from inside my bottom drawer, before rushing back. Camille spun around in front of me as her mother grabbed her purse and ran out the door.

"Have a good time huns," she said as she rushed to pull her car keys out of the clutter inside her ugly bag, "I'll be out with your mom at another Halloween party." Her mom looked back to us and blew us a kiss before crudely saying, "And if ya gonna do anything tonight, be safe." She went out the door as I continued forward to Camille until the door swung back open and her mom breathlessly said, "And Neph, help Cam out with the stuff ya mom told me about. She promised you could finish it off for her." Camille and I both blushed as her mom re-shut the door and locked it. I was about to talk when Camille started.

"Look Logan, I'm sorry," she said hesitantly, "I was a little intimidated by your presence there that day. It's hard for me to accept that James can never like me no matter how much I love him, and I see how he looks at you, and talks about you and I realize I had no reason to interfere with that. What you do in the bedroom is your business," she finished off, forcing me to blush as she smiled back. "And I swear I'll try to be more accepting of you and your Jo friend, but I've lived in Minnesota a lot longer than I had lived in L.A., so give my ignorance time, I'll come around." That last statement made us both giggle before she went on, cutting me off again.

"But now isn't the time to get mooshy, Bambi, cause I need help with this look. Mom isn't the best costume designer that ever lived and James was a little *pause* too into it," she said. I started quick, because it was finally my turn to talk, whether she allowed me or not. "Camille, run upstairs and grab your MOM's bag of makeup, and that's important to remember, and then come to my room immediately. I grabbed my glass of water and rushed to my room with the objects I was hiding behind my back. I could do this I kept repeating. I was as good at costumes like everyone else. But that was a lie. I sucked. The only reason I had this stuff was because my mom forced me to go to the Madonna tour with her a few years ago and decided to dress up. And it was truly humiliating. It made me love Queen Madge, but it was humiliating. And now I was head of Camille's costume department when I could barely hold stuff when it was at my old school. Oh how the table's had fatefully turned. She ran in with the bag in a rush before plopping down on my bed that was across from my mirror and staring at me. I started by pinning her wig onto her skull cap rather than just sitting it on there and put a big white bow in her hair. Then I took a blow dryer and fluffed her wig with it and started the makeup. Oh the painful makeup, something I eternally sucked at. I sucked at art naturally, so makeup was going to be a disaster for me. But I couldn't tell Camille cause she was counting on me; I was supposed to be her good little gay right. Surprisingly though, as I patted her face the last time with the big blush holder, I realized I had done a good job. Right up to the beauty mark. Camille was absolutely elated, spinning circles in my mirror and singing Like a Virgin to the best of her ability, but the only thing that came out of that was self flattery and a reason to keep her out of music. But I had one last thing to do and it was imperative that she let me do it. Carefully, I wrapped the 'BoyToy' belt around her waist and then kissed her on the cheek before sending her on to the party to go be James's Queen because he could be a real Queen about time. He hated when I said that, but it was something fun to throw in his perfect little face. And he would love that shit that I did for him. He was the one to get me into all the big Gay singers; I absolutely had no idea who Cher was before I met that boy. Then my phone started to vibrate and I knew what that meant. My death sentence because that was Jo calling to say she was pulling up and sure enough, I heard a ring at my door as soon as the phone stopped moving. Grimly, I walked to the door, stalking like a zombie so maybe she'd go away and I wouldn't have to go, but Jo was still there when I swung the door open.

"Ready to make a scene Bambi," she smiled, hugging me with a big, ridiculous purse, bag thingy in her hands. It was hilarious to see. But I was so nervous, I couldn't even laugh, and that was a problem. She grabbed by hand and ran to my room, stripping me of all my clothes except my undies (always tighty-whiteys, you can't wear Skinny Jeans without them) and then throwing me the pair I would have to wear to the party. This was so embarrassing. I stepped it in the little thing before she assaulted my body with the skin tight Halloween costume she had got for me. I would never forgive her for this. I tried to be insubordinate to see if she would quit if I didn't listen, so I threw myself onto my bad. That sure didn't help cause she got the shoes on me. I had given up. The fight was over and Jo had won, again; oh how I loved to hate that girl sometimes. She quickly put the hat on my head and put her last few touch ups on my face, but I did have to admit I looked good, just embarrassed. She quickly put a huge coat over my top and gave me over-sized sweatpants for my bottom, telling me it was important to hide the outfit so it would be special for as soon as we walked in. I was excited to see that maybe she would be making a foul out of her face with her costume before she walked in from my bathroom with a big, blue jumpsuit on with a plunger in hand and a name tag that red 'Joe.'

She twirled her braids, spinning saying, "Look, I'm JO THE PLUMBER, get it." She started to chuckle to herself before I gave her a mad expression and retorted, "Not even a little." "Come on Bambi, don't be so shy about your outfit, you'll sure as hell turn heads," she gave me a patt on the back and I still just glared forward. "I hate you for this," I said finally, giving her a small smile before punching her in the shoulder. "You won't by the end of the night, cause I heard Kendall's loves this kinda a crap." The color drained from my face before my cheeks turned rosy red, going one extreme to the next, and I said in a hurry grabbing my hair, "ican'tdothisnotwithkendallther.." she poured a drink down my throat before wiping the top layer of lipstick off and said, "Calm down, I promise you'll have fun." And with that, we rushed out to her car and climbed in on both sides."

The car ride was quiet as Jo watched me wipe the rest of the lipstick off my lips and getting frustrated that I couldn't get it all off. Eventually I just gave up and glared at her again, but to my surprise, she was giving my a naughty grin. I didn't know what was going on, but I was starting to shake. And so did my head. "Jo," I started, thinking hard on how to form my words right which was surprisingly hard for me, "what did you do to me." "I poured some Vodka into your Coke." "You're kidding. We're underage. And where could you get alcohol anyway," I said, giggling at the ridiculousness of what she had said. "It was your Aunts," she responded cooly and then it hit me, my aunt had left her Vodka on the counter. "JO!" I shuted, that's illegal. If this party gets busted we could get-." "Calm Down Logan, It's called 'pre-gaming' and your probably not going to be the only person there who did it. Simmer down and Loosen up your nerves, Tonight will be a night you will never. Forget," she said in a slow tone before laughing again. As she thought, we arrived at the right time to make a big scene and she was stripping and re-adjusting the costume so I would be perfect. Right before we opened the door, I harshly said:

"Aren't you supposed to be a lesbian."

"That was a little cold Doctor Bam Bam, considering all of us aren't stereotypes like you," she snorted at that one before finishing up, "but I do forget your drunk, and perfect, so let's fuckin' enjoy this party." With that she through open the door and a loud gasp came from the huge party at James's house. Maybe it was being drunk, or maybe it was confidence, but I pouted my lips and blew a kiss at a random guy on a stair well before stepping through the door with Jo at my side.

"Damn Bambi, Nice Ass."

"Work it girl"

"Bend over for me"

"100 dollars for a lap dance!"

These kind of shouts were coming from all over the place as I strutted my stuff through the party, clearing the crowd like Moses through the red sea as my boots clomped loudly against the wood floor. But that wasn't what I was going for. Coming right up to the King and Queen's thrones right next to the fire-place and across from the D.J. stand, I went straight to the center of it, James and Camille's wide eyes following me as I slowly bent over before slapping my ass and then licking the top of my pointer finger seductively. This had to be the alcohol, cause any other thing would have still reminded me I was in Minnesota. I turned back to the crowd and raised my hands to the air as I shouted, "LETS START THIS FUCKIN PARTY!" and almost tripping down the stairs away from the thrown. It was nice knowing that I could get all these horny straight guys going with some seductive moves, but even I had to admit my costume was sexy. Jo chose a skin-tight, girl's nurses outfit with high, platform GoGo boots to top it off. The tethescope was mine that I added for good measure and she insisted on the hat. I honestly didn't think this was a very realistic nurse outfit in the first place, but who knew. Porn Hospital was existent in some perverted person's fantasies. She topped off the outfit with bright red lipstick and thick mascara. And then a thong. I should have been bright red right then, but I turned out to be a bit of a light weight and a half cup of Vodka got me pretty freakin drunk. Who knew. And I was pleasantly surprised by the fact that none of the girl's had really dressed to whorey, but I guessed this town was maybe that frigid. Maybe that's why all these straight guys were being so nice to the California Gay Kid. Anyway, I stumbed through the party, letting the little dress get pulled up where it did and being felt-up when it happened because of the euphoric skankiness you get from sexual attention flowing through myself.

It was a little difficult getting through the party crowd and I had almost tripped me, but the attention I was getting caused me to not pay attention to anything I was doing. The D.J., obviously recognizing that not anything crazier could happen that night, decided it was time to kick things into high gear. Blasting through the loud speakers was the new Lady Gaga song that was reaching up in the summer charts, something about edges and moments I think. I kinda remembered it from the C.D. (I had a thing for a girl who could proudly be a Drag Queen all the time), but it didn't matter because all I wanted to do was dance. I started to sway to the music, the heat from the bodies around me making it seem like a giant dance orgy going on. Well, 'dance orgy' was an awkward way to describe it, but I really can't think of anything else like a crowd of dancing, horny teens. I looked to the stage and one girl dressed as Gaga was on the D.J.'s stage, mouthing the words like it was a concert performance. She saw me swaying with a few guys and pulled me up on stage with her trying to get me to participate, but I wasn't interested. I had guys, not girls, to dance with. But I was very interested in who this brave girl was so I looked in her eyes, I finally recognized our Musical Guest. "Je, Ja, *huh*, Jenny Tinkler," I said, squinting from the bright disco ball light, "What are you doing here, I thought you were just a drama geek." I still can't believe I said that, but that little, tiniee-tiny bit of alcohol made me feel invinsible. "They invited me to impersonate any artist I chose and I chose Gaga because the costume was easy to make," she giggled and squealed before continuing on with her performance. I just huffed and walked away before being pulled back into the crowd, dancing the night away as ever. After grinding with every member of the Football team and French kissing with some girl named Jennifer and that weird Guitar Dude, I was feeling the affects of hours of dancing. We had finished listening to all of _Born This Way_ and were half way through _The Fame_, and I was so tired from dancing on the floor in the GoGo's. And the alcohol was steadily wearing off, leaving a major headache. I made my way to the kitchen, just a little less confident from the alcohol haze wearing away as I approached the person I had intended to all night, but when I got there, he was gone. Someone tapped me on my back before saying, "Come with me," and I was pleasantly happy with hearing Kendall Knight's voice and hands pulling me towards the lengthy stair case.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: This is my first attempt at writing smut, so I hope it's okay for everyone. And don't hate me for saying this, but we haven't even breached the Halfway there point. We're almost Halfway there though, so be happy. I think the short chapters kind of helped to make the story go by faster and not stall as much. Seriously, I hope you enjoy this as much as I did writing it cause it's been a blast. And if it sucked, it's my first fan fic, so don't be too pissed. And why am I talking about it like it's over when obviously, it'll be a while till we get there. All these questions and more will be answered on the next episode of 'Days of Our Lives.' I have a strange since of humor. Love you. XoXo.**

Kendall was starting to drag me to the room when I whined back at him, "I'm so thirsty, Mister Pirate Sir, Let's drink a little my Lord." I mock bowed and almost fell over when Kendall caught my arm and pulled me up. I knew I would need Alcohol to be able to continue through tonight without dying, but I knew I couldn't just take some, so I would have to just live with the head-ache coming on. But I was with Kendall so It honestly just didn't matter at all. He drew closer to me, putting his hands on my hips as he pushed me into the bar in the kitchen, putting his face in my hair as he softly whispered. "I've hurt you before for shit like this, what makes you think I won't do it again this time." I smiled, vulnerably looking up to him as he got even closer than I thought possible, "Jo told me about how you look at me in class when I get *huh* nervous. And now's my turn to do that to you." It was cheesy, but at the time it seemed groundbreaking as he giggled into my hair, "Your right, I do like you, I like you a lot more than any guy should, but tonight was just unforgivable." He picked me up and put me onto the kitchen counter, kissing me slowly and softly down my jaw-line, caressing my neck with his tongue on the way down. "And tonight I'm gonna make you pay for every single unforgivable, fucking hot sin you've committed, including this tight little outfit." He started to suck onto my neck even harder, nibbling so that I could feel a tiny bit of blood and I liked it. I liked it so much I started to moan, loud. He pulled off, licking his lips as everyone around us started to stare at our conquest on the counter. I saw a huge drink on the table before chugging it down as fast as I could and going back to focusing on Kendall, hovering above me with his face against my cheek, breathing hot breath into my ear.

"Promise you'll do naughty things to me," I said as I spread my legs even wider and grabbed for his crotch in the pirate costume, "or have you already been doing naughty things to me this whole time." I grabbed and caressed his hard on through his cheep pirate costume, realizing he hadn't worn underwear. He was planning to bang someone the whole time. At first I was detoured and started to get pissed at the thought that I was just a piece of ass to him, but then a rush like a train hit me and I forgot all about Kendall Knight's problems and only wanted him. I grabbed his dick even harder and pulled the skin back, eliciting a slow moan out of him as I whispered back into his ear, "Do what you were planning to do to me," I purred, "and make me pay for everything I've ever done to you these last few months." I jumped off the ground, hitting it a little harder than planned in the GoGo's before he grabbed me by the shoulders and guided me through the stairs into a bed room next to the hall closet, hidden closer to the back. I recognized this bedroom well when Kendall closed the door and saw the fucking couple on the bed. Sex was apparently a prerequisite when you came to a costume party, or any kind of party like this one. Lots of Virginities were lost that night, and mine was no exception. Kendall moaned again when I pressed my ass against his aching cock and questioned him on what to do. He grabbed my hands and dragged me into the bedroom's huge walk-in closet that James's loved so much. It felt dirty doing something with Kendall in James's most sacred place, but I didn't care. I was getting screwed tonight and I didn't care were. Alcohol does that to. "You want some 'booty' Mister Pirate, because I have plenty in abundance for you," I said to Kendall, smiling into a deep kiss as he pushed me into the wall of the closet. He told me how stupid it was, but he shut the hell up when I pulled him pants down and grabbed his cock into my hand. It was big and hard as I studied it and when he stared at me with beautiful green eyes in lust. I knew what I had to do and I put the thing in my mouth, bobbing on it thoroughly as I jacked it into my mouth at the same time, getting him to run his fingers through my hair as he moaned in pleasure. Then a flash of light came from the corner of the room and Kendall simply grabbed the door handle and shut it, ignoring what the other's in the room were deciding to do while sexing it up on the floor. Then he turned to me and started to thrust hard into my mouth. I teased him though and pulled off as I liked his balls before popping back up and telling him I was ready.

"Kendall, I want it now," I said as a put my arms around his neck and kissed him sloppily again on the lips, loving the taste of his mouth.

He pushed me off giving me a worried look before saying, "I don't have a condom,or have prepared you, or done this before." I laughed watching his masculine hands trying to pry me off as that husky voice I was beginning to love me so nervous. He sounded more like me than bastard, bully Kendall Knight he was at school all time.

" I just don't give a fuck," I responded as I gripped his body with my thighs and lifted myself up. "Now take off that shirt hot stuff …" I trailed off, trying to come up with something else sexy to say before he smiled into a kiss with me. "Your wish is at my command," he said after pulling off of my lips, "And now your ass is at my command too."HE quickly through off the top and exposed himself fully to me, finally before he looked back to me. "Your turn," he said simply before putting me down, laughing at the hunger in my eyes and the slight quiver in my lips. I tore off the hat and the dress before just giving up on the thong and ripping it in half. I began to restraddle Kendall's body, getting my whole ready for that big cock and rapping my arms around his neck when he looked at my feet and said, "What about the boots?" "Fuck the boots," I whispered, "and just fuck me in 'em." He laughed before spitting in his hand and rubbing it on his dick before steadying it to breach my ass. He was right, I need to stretch it first before we started, but neither of us were patient enough. Instead, I just dipped down into it and took it deeper than he was going, crying loudly as I did it. "I told you we needed to prepare Bambi," he chuckled before readjusting and going deeper. "But I guess you want this a lot don't you, like you wanted James," he looked into my eyes, then focusing more on getting inside of me. I yelped again before giving him a confused look. "Didn't James bang you in the alle-AAh!," he yelled as he was all the way in my tight whole. I screamed right after him when it finally hit my brain that my virginity was officially gone. "James's didn't fuck me, he took me home," I said as I started to moan again when Kendall started to pull out slowly, "I'm a virgin." He gave me another stranger look before I just thought fuck it and him and bucked on his cock that was deep inside of me. He cried loud before deciding it was time and furiously bobbed in and out of my hole as he screwed me deeper and deeper, passionate moans filling the air as the closet steamed up. He took my face into one of his hands as he let go of lifting my ass up and kissed me. He kissed me hard and wet, tongues colliding in hot force as he bucked even deeper into my whole and hitting my prostate after missing a few times. I cried, breaking our kiss and purring, "right there baby, just like that." He smiled, lifting the other side of my ass up as he smiled into the next kiss and this time, we didn't break. I didn't know how much time had passed while this was going on, but between all the dirty talking and moaning, I knew it was the purest form of ecstasy there was. We moaned into each other's mouths as he pressed me into the wall deeper. Then he said something that caused me to whine a little, "Logie Bear, I'm gonna – gonna – I'm gonna," I licked up his neck onto his jawline this time and he gave one final, angry buck before blowing his load straight into my ass, making my whole body shake. The last pump into my prostate forced me to do the same, cumming all over our chests before kissing him again a last time while he was in me for the first time.

I slowly pulled off of him, my legs feeling wobbly as I fell onto the floor like I didn't know how to walk. He sat down next to me, sliding into the wall like I had before and facing me. "Was *breath* I *breath* that *breath* good, Bambi!"

"You were so good, *breath* there aren't words to express the feeling you gave me," I purred back at him, "but I have a question," I looked away embarrassed, "CAN WE CUDDLE *smile*!" I gave him the best dough-eyed, innocent smirk I could manage to win when he nodded and smirked, kissing my forehead as I nestled into the crook of his neck and he put his chin on my head. We spent along time trying to regain our breath after that experience, but after a while, we started to talk, and talk seriously, we did.

"What made you so frisky tonight Logie Bear," he said, caressing my ear as I stayed comfortable in his neck.

"Alcohol." I stated matter-of-factly.

"Brainy Boy drinks," he said, giving me a weird look as he started to stare at me deeper. I moved my head so I could look back at him while we were talking. I guess sleeping was out of the window.

"No," I responded, "but Joe put it into my drink before we came and somehow it lasted until I saw you and had some punch."

"The punch was spiked Logie Bear," he said looking in my eyes deeper.

I whimpered a little, "Do you think I'll remember this at all tomorrow," I said in a small voice, "and how amazing tonight was." I was stressed, because I didn't want to not remember when I had lost my virginity. This kinda stuff was very important. And it was to a guy he really, really liked to top it off.

"No," he said laughing, kissing the top of my head again in a smile. I started to cry and sob when I realized there was nothing I could do to keep this feeling, and it scared me. Kendall was special to me, and there was a possibility that I may never know that besides tonight.

"Don't worry my beautiful Bambi," he said, "because you know something, I've liked you since day one, and this was just as special for me as it was for you. And the difference between us is I don't need rum to have sex." He was proud of himself for that, but that scared me more.

"Kendall, I have a serious question for you," I searched his eyes, trying to find the answer without having to ask and ruin the moment, "Why. Did you do what you did. The first day we. *clears throat* met." He looked shamefully away before responding.

"I didn't want to Bambi, but. You just. You scared me. You scared the living crap out of me and I didn't know what to do. By whole life I've settle problems with violence. It's just simpler that way. And you made me feel things I didn't like. You forced me to come to terms with something I had buried very deep inside myself. And I just wanted it all to stop. Kendall was choking on something and he couldn't seem to get it out, so I rapped my arm around his shoulders, laying back down on his shoulder to see if that would help. "Before you showed, I had decided to follow Joe's lead and come out of the closet, and I found a guy that I thought I liked. He was one year older than me. I did things with him I had done with no one else. But I never had sex with him, until one night when he invited a friend over. They woke me up at midnight that night by putting their. Penises." He spat it out, wanting me to understand so badly and the worst part was, I did. "They were fucking me in the mouth. They had been taking pictures and they sent them out to their friends talking about what a 'faggy bitch' I had been. It went around the whole town and I had claimed they had raped me. My parents were embarrassed and just wanted it to go away and so did that boys parents. My mom secretly paid off the guy and his family to just leave the town. Disappear and never come-back. And I decided not to ever come out. I swore to never say either of their names again and put on a new façade. I decided to start by beating the crap out of Jo, but she new. She new because she realized what I was doing. I became a bully, making it my specific job to target the gay kids to throw people off my scent. I had motive and demeaner and when I saw you, I decided to make a point. Show that gay was bad for his town."

But when he looked into my face, I didn't show pitty, just disgust, "That's fucked up Kendall, Jo did nothing to you. Every kid you bullied for being different didn't deserve it. And you know I didn't deserve it either. You were going to let me be hurt the same way you were just so people wouldn't think you were what you are. You need help because that's fucked up." I stood up, grabbing my stuff and starting to put it on as fast as I could as he tried to get up.

"No Logan," he grabbed my hand, "don't leave, I'll change, I promise, don't leave me." He was pleading, but I wasn't having it. I grabbed a jacket from the closet bar and then a pair of James's boxers. I'd apologize in the morning, but this wasn't the time. I stomped out of the closet, the door all ready loosely opened, in my GoGo's when Kendall started to chase me. I ran, I ran for my life because a sinking feeling told me he would hurt me if he walked up. I turned to see if he was behind me when I fell, tripping over a vomiting girl when I turned to face him. I was crying at this point, and mascara was running down my face hard, as I pleaded with my hands up in a defensive position.

"Please, please don't hurt me, I promise, I won't tell what happened," I was sobbing now, loudly, "no one will know anything, but us. I swea-." He bent down, putting his hand over my mouth as I tried to squirm away from him. "Shut up Bambi, Shut up," he said as my tears became louder, "Shut up before I make you." He pulled his fist back, preparing to hit me as I did my best to calm myself when he flew back and a long, white heal swung past my face. Kendall's eyes turned black as he looked at me with a new blood lust.


	8. Chapter 8

Camille started to pick me up when me jumped back up on his feet, grasping my arm tighter than before and shooting a terrifying snarl at her. It was like he was an animal, the way he looked when you got him upset, and I genuinely started to think that he would hurt her too. He'd kill her and then me and no one would ever know. He could blame it on anyone in this God forsaken town who showed up to the party and the police would be on his side. Even if he was caught, he could claim a mental break because he was technically a 'gay rape' victim. It forced me to realize that no matter what, the law wasn't on my side here. And it may never be. But, as I became muddled in my own thoughts, Camille punched Kendall in the gut before knee-ing him in the balls taking him down to the ground. She grabbed my hand and ran me down the stairs.

"We have to go. We have to get out of here now. The police are about to bust the place." She said roughly, running for the door.

I turned to her still hazed. "But what about Jo, she's the one who brought me."

"We don't have time for her. They're serving alcohol in the back and if we're caught, we will both go to jail. Screw Jo." Camille responded hastily, still dashing for the door. I shook my hand loose of hers before getting re-lost in the crowd. Camille gave up on me and just left, but I wasn't losing Jo. And the alcohol from the Vodka and the punch was wearing off quickly, so I'd have to find her soon. I ran through, searching, calling her name. Finally, I got past the throwns that James had disappeared from before I got outside and saw what was happening. James was in the corner of the massive back yard, rocking Jo and cleaning her with a towel. Her costume was ripped to shreds, so James was covering her with his thriller coat, treating her like a small hurt child. I rushed over in the boxers, Go Go's and jacket with the long mascara lines running down my face to my hurt friend. James looked at me with dead eyes, turning me pale as a ghost when I saw what else was gone. Or what was written across her for-head. Or the blood and dirt that stained her knees. And I was scared to guess what happened because all the times that it had been threatened of me, it was a ploy out. This wasn't. I threw my hands to my mouth in horror as James began quickly, "idon'tknowwhathappened," his voice was high-pitched, "onesecond she'sfrenchin withsomechick,nextshe's-"

"James, slow down so I can understand," I pleaded as I got down on my knees with the girl that had become so much to me.

"I had kept my eye on Jo because unlike you, she had purpose to come here," he said, "She has a girlfriend who is a freshman in college, and I had decided to do her a favor by inviting her and a few freshmen I knew to the party, trying to follow your advice of becoming friends with her," I nodded. "So I saw they were heavily makin out in the backyard when a few seniors from here came up to them." I didn't want to hear it, because I could guess were James was going, but then I heard the sirens. "I'll tell you the rest in the car Logan," he stated firmly, picking up Joe and rushing her out the back fence, "I parked on the side of the block in case shit like this went down." We ran to the car and I climbed in the back and held a still unconscious Jo while James started the car and stepped on the pedal. We started speeding from the party as people started fleeing the house in droves.

"Now tell me what the hell happened, now," I screeched when Jo spit up a little bit of white, sticky substance.

James gave a strange grimace before starting up again, "The seniors from the football team came up and started to taunt them. They were throwing money and shit when Jo got fed up and told her girl friend to go home where she would call her later. She started to yell at the seniors when the first one punched her in the stomach. Another one kicked her in the knees, knocking her to the ground while the others started to tear her costume to bits. I'm so sorry I didn't do anything, I was scared, but I-"

"James," I said firm, "I don't blame you, but I need you to tell me anything you know so I can help her." He nodded hesitantly before continuing a confused tone.

"I got distracted for a while because Camille left to look for you and I was searching the crowd for were you might be, but when I turned to look out of the window again, they had her … her panties off and were raping her. They were gang raping her like she was an animal. I ran out as soon as I saw that, but it was to late. They were just finishing up and one of them started to hit me. After they had all – finished – they hit her and me a few times before walking away. Then I saw this on her head." He was referring to the slur on her head that said simply, 'DYKE.' "Then You showed up." He had finally finished and it was my turn to figure out what to say.

"There were a million drunk, floozy girls at that party that would have had a willing gang bang with them," I was starting to sob when I forced myself to spit out the next line, "did they choose her because she's a … a …. Lesbian."

James nodded his head. "I've been over it a million times and don't even begin to understand it yet. But after your stunt ton-"

"Don't you dare put this on me," I shouted a little too loudly.

"Logan, you have to realize that not everyone in this town is as accepting as you, I mean Jo has been moving place to place after she came out because her parent's kicked her out. You were a lucky one. You are the one that we all want to be. You loving yourself enough to wear a tight, white dress and makeup and drive people over the edge," He looked at me with sympathy, "I'm telling you this because I'm worried about you Logan. Jo was used as a message. There is gonna be a major gay panic and lashing after this."I stared blankely in fear. This couldn't be real. Losing Jo like this. Even if she hadn't died, I knew that things could never be the same. And that scares me. Who am I to willingly give up my Virginity to a homophobe while she is raped by them. It's just become to much for me to take any longer. I started to cry and then I knew what I had to do.

"The jigs up, we have to call the police," I stated simply, "Me and you can't fix this together. We have to find those bastards."

"But they won't help us."

"What do you mean," I retorted.

"You don't get it. Gay panic is a real fuckin defense in this ass-backward town. You could get Jo and yourself in trouble for just existing. We have to do this ourselves." James yelled back.

Then the phone buzzed with the text alerter.

'TExt this 2 ur hOle contact list if JAmEs DiamONd is a fag.' Under that was a picture of James and Me running with Jo to the car. A homophobic bully with the two gay kids. You couldn't write this shit. He saw it before he could say it was nothing, and what he said next is what shocked me most.

"Send a message from my phone that simply says 'Gay James Diamond hearts Kendall Knight'." He threw the phone to me and continued to zoom through the streets. I looked into his eyes and asked him why. He quickly responded with this, "Your right, the jig is up, but not for helping Jo, but for me. And I'm ready to give it up to. Why not share two secrets for one." I smiled a little before cleaning Jo up again and typing it and sending it to all his contacts. We pulled into my house quickly and rushed Jo in when Camille turned to us suddenly, reading her phone steadily while in the process of keeping her calm.

"James," she said, caringly watching while throwing the phone onto the couch were we had planned to put jo, "Are you sure you're ready for the shit that will be thrown at you for this." He nodded, giving her his best impression of a smile, before putting Jo down finally before running to the kitchen with Camille in tow. How could there even be a glimmer of happiness after what happened to her. It wasn't fair, it wasn't right, but I didn't have the nerve to stand up right now. I owed pretty much everyone everything. I didn't have the right to be a bitch now. I was just kinds taking a backseat to what was happening when Jo started to wake up.

"La … Lo …. Logg ….. Lo," I ran over to her, putting my hand over her mouth before she tried to choke up another word or sound for that matter.

"Yeah honey, what's wrong," I said, trying to hide my concern.

She stared harshly this time, "You …. Know …. What …. Happened ….. Bambi." She coughed a little before closing her eyes again.

"I know, but I just don't know how to respond," I started towards her, but when my hand approached she shivered. I stepped back before trying again, but this time she shrieked and so I stood off, not wanting to put anyone else through anymore pain. I just wanted to disappear because in the few months I had been here, I had simultaneously ruined everyone I loved lives.

She looked back to me again, "it's not your fault …. We shouldn't .. have .. gone .. even if … you … looked .. amazing." She tried to fake a smile, but ended up smoking on her bile. She had a certain hatred for me right now that I barely understood because it wasn't specific. It was a hatred of men in general and I was one of them. To her at that moment, I was just one of the – things – that hurt her. And that hurt me most of all.

"If you don't want to see me right now, I can go away, I mean, I won't be angry if you ask me to go. Prommnm….."

"NO! You can't leave me right now," she croaked, "You're my only friend," and as she said it, she began to sob and cry, the blood glistening even more when she twisted and twitched. I couldn't handle it anymore so I just held her. I picked her up and held her tight, even if she jerked at first when our skin collided.

"It's okay, it's okay girly," I rocked her in my arms as tears and blood stained my shirt, "I'm here now and I swear to any God that's there, this shit won't go unpunished." Then I started to sing, and for God knows what reason, she sang to. We both sang and the weirdest part was, it was a song that didn't immediately strike me as one that we should or would both know. But somehow, we seemed to both know the country song vibrating through our chests, "wrapped up in that tarp, Earl." We harmonized and sang together the best we could to the Dixie Chicks song, and it was nice, even though the situation around it was horrifying. It was a man hating song, and at the moment, we both hated men. We both hated straight men. Because homophobia shouldn't be like this. Beat the crap out of me, but don't rape me. It was savage. It was cruel. And it was unforgivable. And then it came to me. The reason Jo was being stronger than me right now was because she was used to it. She was used to abuse and disturbed slurs. How messed up is that. I mean this was normality to her, the hate and intolerance and the worst part was, I'm sure she's not the first lesbian in this town. And so all the other lesbians and gay men and transgendered people were treated like this. The bisexual men and women and the queer were all treated like this. Some kind of weird entertainment to get your jollies off to. I was a muddled puddle of anger and thoughts when Camille and James rushed in with towels and bowls filled with water. Immediately, they started cleaning wounds while I continued to rock us both back and forth. Then the questioning ensued: "So what happened?"


	9. Chapter 9

Jo choked a little while they cleaned her when she started, "I was kissing Samantha when a few senior guys came over and started to taunt us." It looked like it was hard for her, so I grabbed her closer. "They tossed cash at us and started to yell slurs about how a penis and a vagina go together, not two of the same kind. I had had it so I sent Samantha off and then started to yell back. I told their leader that if he didn't stop, I'd cut his precious dick off. And then – and then he," she started to choke louder this time, her sobs hitting my chest like waves of thunder rippling off of her. "They started to hit me, and they hit me really hard before they –they tore my jump suit. I did my best to hold them off, but they just kept hitting me. I screamed. I screamed for help from anyone and they all walked away. Like I was a piece of trash." Now tears rolled down my eyes as they wiped her face, even when she started to shiver and shutter under their light touches.

"You don't have to say anything else if you don't want to honey," I caressed her back as they slowly stripped the coat off of her and started to wipe again.

"NO! it's important that they know – even if it hurts," she wiped her puffy eyes before looking back to James and Camille who refused to look her in the eyes. "For some weird reason, they all used condoms when they .. did what they did .. except for the one who raped my –" she started to choke again before I finished her sentence questioningly.

"face, he didn't use protection there." It was hard to spit that out.

"He finished first," she whimpered, still obviously tasting the poison he injected past her lips, "and then he wrote on my head." Camille was getting to work on that specifically while James was bandaging cuts. "Look, I don't want to take this to the police, I just want this to stay quiet. I can live with the pain. I'm stron-"

"To Hell with that," I shouted, causing Jo to jump, "this can't go without punishment. It's unacceptable. In L.A. this shit would have nev-"

"This isn't L.A. and it would get us all in trouble," Jo finally looking up at me, "I won't risk us all just to get some payback."

"Fine, but we're taking you to the hospital," I pleaded, this time taking a softer approach to win.

"No … OWW!" she shouted as James started to bend her arm.

"Actually, yes you are," he said, finally someone giving me some support, "You're arm might be realy hurt and that's something you can't not take care of."

"No, No Wa-" James and I picked her up while she was kicking and screaming and Camille got the car ready. "I swear to God, I'll jump out of this car if you try to take me." We shoved her into the middle of the backseat and sandwiched her so she couldn't move and try anything. She started to cry again and then I started to cry again and it was all a big emotional mess by that point. Somehow she was taking the events of tonight better than I was. Two hours later, we were in a room with a nurse telling her what happened and explaining everything. What I didn't realize was who the nurse was.

"After all this, I forgot to ask you, what's your name," James said politely, even if the circumstances were high energy.

"I'm Nurse Knight, maybe you know my son Kendall, I think he's in your grade," James smiled and nodded before giving her an answer.

"I'm James, Kendall's friend, maybe he's told me about you," she turned white and her eyes grew wide, "and these are my friends Logan, Camille, and J…"

"Look, what you do in the bedroom is your business, but don't report this," she pointed to Jo with the i.v.'s in her, talking with Camille like they had been friends forever, "there are nurses and doctors around here who aren't as acceptant as I am and I'm only that way because I understand what you go through. When my son came out to me, it was difficult to accept but,"

"Kendall's Gay," James yelled, giving her big eyes like she had before.

"You didn't know that," she said, "you haven't checked your phones yet."

I couldn't look her in the eyes when I responded, "we haven't since the accident."

"Look, work this out with him, but don't go throwing your names around, we all got the same text about you you did," the nurse said, acting like a teen, "It was on Nurse Stetson's son's wall. Now I'll get Jo her sling and get you all ready to go, but don't make a scene." It was like being in an awful nightmare the way we were being treated. So segregated a doctor couldn't even help us. It was sickening and gross. And all this while my mother was out drinking and dancing. How the hell was that fair. And my head was really hurting from the hangover that was rebeginning and the thoughts that were racing through my head.

"Resend this text to your whole contact list if –" James interrupted Camille before she could continue telling her he head all ready heard the text about himself. But she shook her head and started over.

"Resend this text to your whole contact list if Kendall Knight is a, is gay," she couldn't say the word she knew would set me off in an instant. "and there's a picture." I looked in horror as I saw the picture of our intimate moment in the closet. It was me giving Kendall a blowjob. No one needed more evidence, this would out him if nothing else could.

"Twice in a night," I commented, faking a laugh as James looked up in anger and Camille in shock. Jo was already chuckling.

"Hope you used a rubber, cause I sure as hell did," that sick sense of humor leaving her and hitting me like a bullet, but I think James's stare of daggers hurt more.

"I'm sorry, I really am, it was some a loss in judgment," I began looking towards James who was rushing out of the room. "I was so drunk and horny and pissed that I didn't think when he came on to me, I just said yes," but I knew that wasn't the truth. I had crushed on Kendall since day one and it was so hard to accept that. And it made me want it even more. My own personal forbidden fruit. And the taste was bitter and sweet. I was rushing after James when he turned around and began:

"You knew, You knew how I felt and you still did it," he was angry, but somehow he was maintaining a low tone, "and you had the nerve to put my clothes on afterward."

I was on the verge of crying when I spat out, "I'm so sorry, I-"

"Sorry does shit," he seethed, "especially now of all times. And you know what the worst part is, I'm not even pissed it was with Kendall, I'm pissed it was with you." Tears were starting to role down when I finally looked into his eyes.

"I don't understand," I said honestly, feeling the sobs wreck havoc on my already anxious breathing. He drew closer to me before grasping my hips and pulling me forward as well. He buried his face in my hair before whispering:

"I lied," and I looked into his eyes in deeper confusion.

"About what?" I said, feeling his warm breath caress my wet cheek.

"About that kiss, those kisses," he said before lifting me up a little and bending down. He kissed me again and it was passionate, but I felt nothing. No sparks, No euphoria, just warmth. And I guess I could accept that to make him truly happy. And that made me happy. For all his slip ups, James had been so good to me and I'd thrown a lot of crap at him. I stole the guy he liked, insulted him, treated him like he was below me. I'd abused him. And for some reason, he came back to me for more, like a little puppy. And I had decided at that moment I couldn't hurt that puppy anymore; couldn't leave it with anymore scars or bruises, I could just love it. So when he took a breath for air after such a deep kiss, I committed the ultimate sin. I lied.

"I lied to," I stated, hiding my eyes from his loving stare, "because I was scared at what our love would do. I was scared it would rip us apart." I finally looked up to his smiling face, glowing with joy and delight and I decided that I could be like this to. You didn't exactly need passion in love, just joy. But somewhere in the back of my heart and mind, I remembered my kiss with Kendall. And the fireworks and sparklers that went off when I felt our lips collide. Someday, maybe I could feel this way with James. Someday.

_3 weeks later_

Jo never would return to her normal bright self after what happened that fateful night. Neither would the town as a whole. You'd think after two outings in a days time, the town might learn to grow, but no, James was exactly right. The backlash was severe, but one of the worst was the day after it happened; James and I were at the mall, celebrating our decision to be a couple when a quiet rose in the assembly. Kendall was coming up to us and seemed to be targeting us for some reason and James gave me a worried look. He shoved me behind his back before turning around to face the blonde bull rushing at us. I cowered behind his tall figure as the crowd watched like it was some drawn out soap opera. The two homophobic, outed boys fighting over the toy that each had claimed in a week's time. My life at the moment was Will and Grace meets Twilight and for the first time, there was nothing good that could come out of that situation.

"I thought I had told you if you ever did that, I would kill you," Kendall started.

"What are you talking about," James demanded back.

"I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to the slut behind you," Kendall said, obviously pointing to me.

"Who the fu-" James was starting to bow up when I came up from behind him; the crowd drew there breath in.

"I can handle this, love," I said, throwing our audience a bone for drama. Just cause this was dramatic, didn't mean I couldn't have fun with the onlooker's emotions. "What are you talking about anyway Kendall, you're the one who spiked my punch," I quickly followed with, letting James protective arm push me back again.

"I think you have it wrong homo"

"Homo, you're the one enjoying the b.j. in the pic, Ken Doll."

"You drugged-"

"I didn't drug shit," I responded harshly, "because you could fucking respond to my moans well enough when you fucked me up the ass. That's for damn sure." I knew it would hurt James, but it would hurt Kendall more.

"You're lying and you-"

"I've said it ounce, now. Fuck. Off." James said calmly, but moving forward to make the height difference obvious between the two.

"What are you gonna do if I don't," Kendall retorted, "Profess your love for me again."

"What are you gonna do if I do," James said, "Fuck me. Cause we know you like it rough with guys you do the dirty with." James gave a cold laugh as Kendall started to turn away, but I realized that this wasn't over. It wasn't over by a long shot, and I was right again. Kendall turned, giving James a left hook that forced him off his balance, but James wouldn't give up easy because to him, the fight was to protect his boyfriend. I knew it was for his boyfriend, but I could never admit that to him; it would hurt him to much. James swung his arm out, forcing Kendall off his knees and forcing him to the ground as well. They both hopped up at the same time and started to box, which was starting to become hilarious, but then James slipped and Kendall dove onto him. They began to wrestle across the floor before James finally regained his feet and kicked Kendall in the chin back down. This was the final straw for the blonde boy, who's anger radiated out of his eyes like nothing I'd ever seen before. He finally got back up when James got ready to fight, but Kendall was slower reaching and fishing into his boot for something that scared me. You only reach into your boot for one reason and Kendall had finally found it. The knife he pulled was small, but it would hurt James. Kendall started to come closer, the crowd realizing this was no longer a show, but reality. If something wasn't done, someone could really be hurt soon and I realized that as I began my steady descent forward. Kendall dove forward at James when I took the blow that could have killed the beautiful creature standing behind me. He hit me hard in the chest, knocking my breath out as I hit the ground with the knife landing next to me. It had broken skin right at my shoulder, but it wasn't deep, only a flesh wound (doctor talk, my dream) still I knew it had affected him. They both stopped and just watched; everyone just stopped and watched and I knew I'd have to make what I said next count to stop this shit.

"If you love me," I delivered, letting the venom in my voice sting everyone, "you'd stop fighting before you kill me literally. Come on James, let's go." I went to grab James's hand, but instead he scooped me up like a bride and carried me to the car. And that would be my last time to see Kendall for a while.

**Author's Note: Okay, I swear this will turn into a Kogan at one point, but to get to that, we'll just have to tolerate the Jagan. I swear to God – or let me queen out and swear on something that means something to me. I swear to the Goddess Cher that this will become a Kogan. That's serious. Love ya so much. XoXo**


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: This is Just a few of the main holidays that pass between Chapter 9 and Chapter 11 to show the dynamic of their new relationship. Originally I wasn't gonna do it, but I thought that just writing off Thanksgiving and Christmas would totally piss everyone off including myself, so if this chapter is super-short sorry. If it's too long, I hope you enjoyed some of it if not all of it. Also, sorry for fucking up the chapter last time. I'm kinda bad with technology; How I've gotten this far is a miracle. Luv ya. XoXo**

_Thanksgiving_

I didn't really know how to prepare for thanksgiving considering this was my first holiday with an official boyfriend that everyone knew about. All my past ones had been 'just friends' around my family because I didn't know how they would be around. My family was loving sure, but they were also super nosy in other people's business, especially people that might join the family eventually and I remembered how they harassed my cousin's fiancé enough for him to call of the wedding. The Mitchell's had a habit of being a close knit family that didn't fuck around. That's why I'm the way I am. And the worst part is I didn't even have a guess at what some of the questions or answers would be. It had been less than a month since James and I started dating and to be honest, I still wasn't comfortable asking him personal questions. So when I confessed all this to a still very vulnerable Jo, she told me not to be afraid of love. I asked what the hell she was talking about and she said:

"You're always hiding from your own feelings and emotions by syching yourself out until everyone thinks you'd be most comfortable alone." It stung, but I knew Jo was right still, it didn't make it any easier to take.

"So, when's your girlfriend getting here," I responded after a long silence.

"Samantha," she winced a little, thinking I wouldn't notice just cause I was in my closet, "she may come later, I don't know."

"How could you not know," I said, finally finding a sweater vest and a button-up shirt and khakis. I could decide if I should wear dockers or converse, but I chose dockers to fit the look. "Call her right now and get her to come. There is no reason you should be alone."After a solid twenty minutes of prodding and pleading, I finally got her to call Samantha to come. If my boyfriend had to come, her girlfriend was gonna show to, no questions asked. Finally, at noon, everyone showed and when James came in, my mother almost fainted.

"OH MY GOD," she shouted as she raised her hands in exasperation, "it's like a vision of an angel. Logan, who did you land this masterpiece." She turned to me and slapped me on the shoulder as I blushed like a school girl.

"He asked. Me. out mom," I responded coyly, still not able to look in James's eyes as he beamed.

"You must have a nice ass then, because I'm not putting two and two togetha," my mother would always end certain words like a New Yorker even though she hated New York which would make me laugh, but I wasn't laughing now.

"Actually Misses Mitchell," James chimed in, "It was Logan who played hard to get, but something about him forced me to go along with it. I love your son mam." My eyes got huge as I realized what he had just said. I had never said I love you. Not once and neither had he and I wasn't there yet either. But instead of freaking out and yelling I just smiled and shook my head before saying:

"Isn't he the sweetest thing mom," before going up to him and giving him a small kiss on the cheek as everyone kind of awkwardly watched. When Camille came down stairs, her mom began to talk and when she saw James, she got it immediately.

"He was my boyfriend first mom. But I guess the beauty should have given it away. What straight guy cares about his hair." This got laughter from the family which took away from the stiff air that was left after my comment. I was such a bitch sometimes; it was always surprising enough that James liked me enough to put up with all my crap. About ten seconds later Samantha showed up and she was dresses like an Eskimo which got a laugh out of Jo. Everyone was nice to her, but the real star of today was James; everyone fawned over him and talked to and about him. But lunch was the worst.

"So," my Aunt started and I already had a bad feeling about it because she had started the morning with a shot of whisky, "I had enough gay friends back in L.A. to know status. So what are you, a bottom or a top." I almost crapped my pants as I spit out my iced tea.

"You forgot verse," he responded cooly with a smile.

"Honey, I didn't forget verse, it just doesn't exist," she chuckled as she took another hit of whisky from a flask I didn't notice at first.

"Fine," he said, containing obvious laughter over my extreme discomfort at the situation, "I'm a top."

"I always knew our little Logie was a bottom," she said, still chuckling, "God doesn't give you such a nice ass for nothing you know. My mother tapped her glass with her sisters as I hid my face; this couldn't get worse, but oh was life a bitter whore.

"Ever fucked a girl," my mom said.

"I'm a virgin," he responded.

"I'm not talking with guys though, I'm talking girls," she pressed.

"Never," he said taking a sip from his glass.

"Has a girl ever tried to get in your pants. You'd make great babies," she said frankly.

"You have no idea," he retorted, still looking at her, "I'm saving it for the one I love though," he said looking at me this time.

"Your first time with a hot boy Logie," My aunt said, "use a condom."

"I'VE GOT TO GO – I FEEL SICK!" I responded as I ran out of the room, touching none of my food. I heard my Aunt say 'What's gotten into him,' but it was all to much. I couldn't stay for what else they would ask him. He would have to deal with this himself. In all my frustration, I passed out in my bed and didn't wake up. James wasn't there.

_Christmas Eve_

I was nervous about how this was gonna go because Thanksgiving was less than perfect; I still wouldn't allow him to talk about it. To make matters worse, his family was gone for the week in Cabo and so he would be spending the Chrismas Eve to New Years day with me. A Full week of questions and awkwardness from my family. Great. We were all Atheists in the house, but for some reason, we still celebrated Christmas. The tree was huge and green with large, golden orbs on it and a big star on top that shone from the room's lighting. We all exchanged one gift each and I spent forever searching for James's. Everyone else would get cash, but his was special because it was our first Christmas and as these past two months had flown by, I was starting to love him too. I finally found the perfect gift for him, tickets to the newest Britney Spear's concert, Femme Fatale that would come in Summer and the Madonna book, "Sex" with the _Erotica_ c.d. included and trust me, it was super weird to buy it at the little half-price books I went to to get it for him. I also picked up a copy of the Blondie c.d. _Parallel Lines_ because I was starting to really like them, especially the lead singer. It kind of annoyed James cause the music was older, but I thought I totally had the right to love it. I listened to all his Madonna and Cher songs in the first place and those could really get annoying. I rapped it carefully and put it under the tree when I heard the door bell ring. I jumped a little at first but ran to get it and who was at my door but my huge chunk of gay man. James, dressed as what he described to me the day before, modern, sexy, chic Santa. And it was sexy. But dear God if my Aunt couldn't make a situation awkward.

"Oops," she shouted, sitting on her couch with her flask of whisky, "ya unda the mistle toe. Better kiss fa us and make it juicy, cause all the soaps were boring today." I was about to freak out, but James scooped my face up and got me into a hot, wet kiss that seemed like it lasted forever before we both needed a breath. She started to clap, "You passed, now come sit down Angel-boy before you let all of the hear out, it's almost dinner time." After an hour of humiliating questions, Samantha and James were talking in the corner while I helped cook dinner and Jo placed the table with Camille. We were like a family. I drunken, gay family, but a family and it was nice. Dinner went off well and for once, my family asked Jo and her girlfriend questions instead of me and James. And boy did I learn that Samantha was just like Jo with a too honest nature and a very dark sense of humor about everything.

"What got you interested in Beava," my aunt said, her voice getting more of a New York tint as she got even less sober.

"A waiter asked me if I liked hot dogs or taco's and I chose the latter," Samantha said.

"That's why you like Mexican food isn't it," Jo commented.

"Hey, Hey," Aunt Ginnie interrupted, "I'm supposed to ask the awkward questions. Now do you look at Bieber's look and unfortunate last name girls."

"I think he's the hottest Lesbian I've ever seen," Jo said.

"She's the new Ellen," Samantha continued, "We needed a new model for average lesbians that wasn't Katy Perry."

This kind of stupid talk went on for hours and I just hid my face even though James couldn't stop laughing the whole time. I personally just wanted to get to the present that we always did on Christmas Eve. We spent Christmas Day at the Zoo for some reason; it was tradition, and this year we would be driving three hours to do it. Finally at about nine, we got to presents and Jo started. She got me the first Season of _Grey's Anatomy_ because he knew I loved any doctor show and it was my newest obsession. I got her a new pair of vans and skinny jeans that were green cause that was her favorite color. She put the vans on as soon as she got them. I gave everyone else besides James forty dollars in Cash. Shoveling snow got you lots of money in Minnesota. Camille gave me an ipod, even though she knew I was content with my C.D. collection. I'm an old school kind of gal, except not a gal, just gay. Samantha gave everyone twenty dollars even though we said it wasn't necessary because we barely knew her. When she gave it to my aunt, she almost Frenched her. I was slow to give James my gift and I watched him closely as he opened it. He looked at the C.D. first and I could tell he wasn't impressed. The book got him a little more excited, but that could have been from the fact that I grabbed his crotch when he opened it. But when he saw the Britney Tickets, he turned white and kissed me. It wasn't deep, but it was a thank you kiss.

"Pick carefully who you take, because-"

"You know that there's only one person in this world I'd want to take with me and you got a third so Jo could come," James said. I blushed because he was totally right and I didn't want to admit it, but then he handed me my gift and instantly, I had a guess at what it was. It was shaped like a Barbie and I didn't know which one it was, but I started to worry it was a sex Barbie. James would do that to me just to get me frustrated. He loved to see me like that for some reason. But when I opened it, I recognized it immediately. The Debbie Harry doll was very hard to confuse. I smiled, but he signaled for me to turn it over. I followed and what was on the back made me shatter into a million pieces.

"You didn't have to do this, it's so –"

"I wanted to, so pick carefully, meaning, I bought three for me, you and Jo because I know you can't leave her behind and we leave in three days." James said it so smugly I wanted to slap him, but was too happy to do that kind of thing.

"I thought you wanted to go to New York," I started, "and we'd go see a Broadway play together."

"I want to live in New York with you, not just go," he corrected, "but I know how much you talk about missing California."

"Are you sure you want to go to L.A., it's so different and what about lodging and –"

"All taken care of."

"How Long"

"Till January 1st"

"So We're staying for New Year's Eve"

"Of Course Bambi"

"I don't know what to say"

"Say you love me"

"I'm worried you'd cut me off if I tried," I said smirking, "because you do it all time anyway and it's super annoying."

We went to bed two hours later and for the first time, I let him sleep in the same bed with me, even if it was just for his warmth.


	11. Chapter 11

_1 month later_

When I said I didn't see Kendall for a few months, I meant it, he had left city maybe even state and no one knew when he was returning even if he would. But just because one homophobic bully was gone, didn't mean they all were. Jo had done her best to assimilate back into school society, but she obviously wasn't normal. She quit all her sports and stopped going out past five. I had invited her to live with me for safety and she immediately jumped on that offer, moving into my room specifically which was a little weird, but I got used to it. She became like my child after the incident, following me like a puppy dog afterward for safety, but I think it was more because James was my safety. He became a guard to us gay kids in the school. We all coordinated on extra-curriculars so we wouldn't have to separate. James loved it, being with me all the time and Jo just liked company. Even if her normality didn't come back, her dark humor persisted and James's loved it cause it made me squirm and blush. Camille had to come to the school after being kicked out of her private school for matters that could not be disclosed. We all knew why though; the whole fucking town knew why. So Camille joined our group of misfits and it was nice. The best part though was this, James had insisted on us doing any kind of theatre, thespian, or choir activity and we agreed and this year, the drama teacher, Ms. Wainright, wanted there to be a ground breaking show. Something that would challenge everything the town believed in and stood for, and decided to do a modern retelling of _Romeo and Juliet_. One that would through everything in the blender and shake up the school's foundations and so the birth of _Romeo and Julian_ was born, the story of two gay men in different points of life struggling to be together and dying in the end. It was beautiful and artistic, putting a spin on a classic that no one tried before. It also was a bit of a retelling of my past months here. James and I played leads because we were the only guys in the class while the other roles were played by the rest of the girls. We made due with a small budget, built our own costumes out of existent wardrobe and did our own backgrounds. After another month came February and we were finally ready, so Ms. Wainright called every newspaper and high society viewer in the area to come and see the opening night. I was helping with Camille's makeup when Jo threw me in my chair and started mine.

"You have to be flawless tonight," she started, foundationing my face as fast as she could correctly before she threw it down and started on lip gloss and mascara, "because you have to show our plight in this town to these people. They're influential. They could make the change." The makeup felt weird, but I couldn't lie, I looked amazing. One of the other girl's in the class, Jennifer, came up and got my costume on me as fast as she could before I heard Ms. Wainright start:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am proud to put on for you classic William Shakespeare play, _Romeo and Juliet_, but before you start grumbling about seeing a million of this same production, hold steady with me. Me with my small group of Theatre and the Choir kids I could recruit," Jenny Tinkler beamed from behind the huge spotlight down at the curtain, "have decided to update the story of forbidden love with the Civil Rights movement of today. Welcome to the story of _Romeo and Julian_, and how love, loss and pain created a love no bigotry could break. I based the play off the two most beautiful boys I've ever scene cross my path, who are both out gay teens. I'm sure you've heard about them," Kelly, or Ms. Wainright rather, was obviously babbling on which made me tense, but she was beginning to wind it up, "and the difficult times they've had in this town in Minnesota, so without further adu, here is the story of Romeo and Julian." She walked off stage when the chorus walked up, consisting of a girl on her phone talking to a friend played by Camille.

"Did you here about those two faggy boys Nora," she said as Jo walked on across the stage on her phone. 

"There not fags, I mean one is on the whole other social spectrum. How many homophobic bullies are closeted gays," she said with a smile at the end.

"You're being sarcastic, aren't you. Anyway, they'll never work out, there from two super different ends of, well, whatever, one is poor and one is rich." Camille said, still committed to character, "His parents would kill him if he ever came out. But they are obviously meant to be, even if it didn't work out."

"I know right," Jo said, "but Marce-Marce, this could end tragically considering I hear the rich one is suicidal."

"I heard the same thing about the poor one Nora," Camille insisted as if she were the character.

"We'll just have to see how this turns out because I'm getting a call from one of them anyway," Jo walked off, mock talking while Camille followed and the play began. It, the intro, forced me to realize something though, that we could make a difference depending on how James and I portrayed the characters. We play camp and nothing will change. We play serious and we could this could mean something. I would be the best damn Julian to ever exist, and Jo was gonna be an even better Nora because everything rode on it. There were high stakes.

Two guys (girls in heavy makeup, wardrobe and wigs) went on and got in a fight with Marcie (Camille) and Beth (Jenny) in the school cafeteria before Romeo (James) comes in and starts to talk to Beth (Jenny) about the girl he likes, alluding to Julian (Me) the whole time. Then Julian (Me) comes in with Nora (Jo) and is getting ready for the big Halloween dance where Julian (ME) goes in a very androgynies and Romeo (James) falls in love with him. He follows him back to his apartment before realizing it was a boy he had fallen in love with. And so on it goes where you can fill in the rest of the plot details with boy kisses and awful cell service. To be honest, its plot was amateur and stupid, but it was kind of a subtext was just a subtext; that hate towards people for loving who they love is dangerous. Because in the end, we all get damaged through hate. The play ends when James and I both drink cyanide while holding each other before our families and the town could split us. And the outcome was harsh. The final scene showed Religious groups (played by the music crew who picked up a couple of signs sitting at stage left) picketing the funeral to show just how ridiculous it was to be that way. Then a simple gunshot while smoke clouded the stage and every actor lay dead when it cleared. I could barely keep myself from laughing at the melodrama of it all, but the last scene was essential.

"Hate + Bigotry = Death" said the last standing pickett sign and the curtains began to fall. I was at first worried about audience reaction, until I saw James began to take my hand and slide forward. He made an effort to slip our intertwined hands go under the curtain before the applause happened. The bloodied holding hands struck a chord to the crowd. Ms. Wainright made the decision immediately afterward for no one to take a bow; everyone left the stage, but myself and James still covered in thick fake blood. I wasn't sure what she wanted. It wasn't clear if she wanted us to bow or just look at the crowd, but when the curtains rose for the final time, one spotlight struck us as James drew me close to him like the time at the hospital. He wiped some of the liquid off my eyes and lips, smiling while I giggled and the crowd drew in a deep breath. Then he bent me back and kissed me. He kissed me with a force that made the lights shine. Fireworks went off and I began to kiss back because I was hungry for his touch, his lips. And I felt the spark. I felt it clear and I knew now that this was meant to be; the passion I was missing was there, and it felt good. We finally took a breath, leaving me in bliss as I began to giggle and he smiled like a Cheshire cat. The audience applauded again and this time there were standing ovations. People were crying and cheering as the lights dimmed and we walked backstage, hand in hand, smiling and beaming the whole way. Backstage even more applauds happened as Ms. Wainright cried; she told us it was one of the best performances she had ever witnessed.

James and I beamed as we walked back home giggling and talking, playing and laughing down the dark streets.

"That was so corny, you know that right," I started.

"You loved it and you know it," he ribbed back.

"Yeah, I actually did," I responded.

"Especially the kiss?" he said a little softer.

"Especially the kiss!" I said, before drawing him close to me, "and I want you to do it again James. I want you to be here to do it for the rest of my life. Because I think. I think I l-"

He cut me off with a breath taking kiss that swept me off my feet as he put every ounce of passion he had into it and I felt it all. My brain felt like the fourth of July, exploding in joy as fireworks went off and sparks burned before my eyes. I even whimpered a little when he stopped, but I was determined to get out what I had to say.

"I love you so much" I finally said, "I love you so much that I can't stand being away from you anymore. I hate when you aren't next to me at night. I hate when I wake up and don't see your beautiful face. And I hate that I gave my gift to someone who isn't you. You are the only one in this life who can and will ever deserve it, and I want to give it to you. I want to give my all to you right now because you deserve it." It was hard to get it out, but he seemed to enjoy it.

"I'm happy you finally feel the same way I do, even if it took a super long time for you to get there," he poked me in the shoulder before continuing, "but I don't think that we're ready for sex yet Bambi. I want our relationship to get to that point naturally, not be forced because you make me happier than you know. But, if you want to stay over and sleep at my house tonight, you can." He nuzzled my face after I said it, forcing me to blush again which I hated because it meant he'd won. I shook my head 'yes' before holding his hand and walking home with him. We walked in and of course neither of the Diamond parents was home. Business negations and a cruise got in the way of meeting the parents for us tonight, but I didn't mind because it meant that I could win after all. I called Jo to tell her what was happening and after twenty minutes of freak-out, she finally said it was okay as long as we came back for her to have fun on the weekend. I agreed cause that was the plan anyway, and followed James up to his bedroom where I was shocked yet again. Last time I was in here, there was nothing but ass and boobs hanging off of each side of the walls, but this time all of that was gone and was replaced with some bad walls and a simple rainbow flag on the wall. And sitting on the bed was a little rainbow colored bear. He took in my face excitedly and to be perfectly honest, I was. James had grown up and out of the closet and was finally proud to be himself. Which made me proud. He took me to the bed and sat me down before looking deep into my eyes.

"I want you to know that you are the most beautiful thing I've ever had the chance to experience and you taught me to love myself by making me love you." James was staring longingly into my eyes as I searched his for some lust, some passion and I saw none. "So when I saw this bear at a gift shop, I instantly thought of you."

I giggled a little, "You think I'm a 'bear', because I'm hardly a-"

"NO!" James said, getting the joke as soon as I said it, "I meant that the way you never hide who you are. The way you always let your light shine out of yourself and don't give a fuck. I want you to have this." He put the teddy bear in my arms as I snuggled it, but I was still disturbed. Where was the passion, the fire that made me insatiable to him. I decided I needed to ignite it myself before it ate me alive so I got on top of him, straddling his hips as I stripped my shirt off as fast as I could. I immediately started to kiss him before he could protest while undoing the buttons on his shirt and stripping him. But he wouldn't give up. Mr. Chastity wouldn't give me any room to work and it was pissing me off, badly. So, instead I started to undo my pants, but he grabbed my hands and flipped me over so I was on my back.

"We aren't ready yet Bam Bam," he started, zipping my jeans back up before working on my shirt, "and it's not that I don't want it, but I've said it before, I want this to be real between us, not sex based. Maybe we could just lay here?"It was time to give up and I actually felt better. Because it's not that the passion was gone, but that he was controlling it, something I obviously was sucking at. Instead I buttoned up my shirt and started undoing the made bed. He smiled, realizing that I wasn't going to try anything more and took off his jeans and shirt. Apparently he slept in his boxers. How convenient. Right as I decided to give up my lust, he decides to go get all muscular and sexy. The worst part was this, what I slept in was embarrassing. But I decided to eat my pride and just do it. I went into his closet and grabbed one of his bigger shirts and put it on, slipping down my jeans as I came out of his closet, slinky as ever.

"You know," he said, "We should really call you Kitty cause you're sexy like one."

"You think kitties are sexy?" I questioned with one eyebrow raised.

"I think you are, hot cheeks," he said playfully, forcing me to turn so he wouldn't see my face.

"I think you just like being in control," I said back, climbing into bed.

"Maybe I do," he said as he snapped his boxer's side, then he got into bed, "but really, tighty-whities LoLo." I giggled as he turned the lights out and fell straight asleep. It took me a little longer as I snuggled into his warmth. I swear he had to have turned the air on cold because it was freezing in his house, specifically his room. After about an hour of lying down in his back, he turned in his sleep and put his arm around me, finally giving me the warmth I was craving, but as I fell asleep, I felt his hard-on hit my ass cheek. What a tease.

**Author's Note: Sorry if the play sucked, but I barely remember Romeo and Juliet and trying to de-cliché a modern version is really hard. Try it. Also, I'm kinda writing Logan a little hipstery, which wasn't my intention but I like it. Luv ya, XoXo**


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note: For all those about to quit reading because of how Jagan it's getting, I swear everything's about to get turned on it's head cause guess who's coming back to town. But don't tell because only we know Kendall's back. Also, I'm super nervous about adding this because it was just so emotional to write. You'll see why; I cried for like twenty minutes which made me feel really sad because it's a story, but I've kind of fallen in love with the characters in a way. Their like my fucked up little children. After you read this chapter, tell me how sad you were in the reviews, so we can cry together. Luv Ya. XoXo**

_A Week Later_

The next Saturday was pure bliss for me as James, Camille, Jo and I wondered around town doing nothing in particular. To be honest, I just loved being with all of them, so it was a plus getting shopping in, but not the reason I went. I went because I had finally fallen in love with James and didn't want to leave his side. He made me sing in the morning. He stole my attention in class which was hard because I had an absolute passion for math. He was my everything and I could finally admit it. He was my BOYFRIEND. Camille left at about five to go hang with some other friends from her old school and Jo left about an hour later to give up privacy for God-knows-what reason. But James was very frisky today and I should have known by all the times he touched my ass and moaned that he would want to keep me out late. And that scared me. At ten o'clock I just kept reassuring myself that everything was okay, but at eleven, I knew it wasn't. Finally at eleven-thirty, I convinced James to leave the club and go home. I used every trick in my arsenal and it took a crotch massage to get him to give up. He was reluctant, but he agreed and we turned down the alley to take a short cut to his car. I knew this was a bad idea, but all I could think about was getting home.

And with that very thought, I sealed our fates. Three guys started to approach us from up front when I began to turn around and felt a metal pipe hit my back. It knocked me to the ground and stole my breath when I heard the voice begin.

"I hear you fags put on an extra homo play recently," he started, the skin-head looking man, "We put up with your long hair and touching, but now we have to deal with your rhetoric. It's time to pay up bitch-boys."

"You shut the hell up," I yelled, surprising myself, "it's because of bastards like you that my lesbian friend go raped. And news flash. World War fucking two is over and the Allies won," I started to nerd out, something I had a tendency to do when I got nervous. "So why don't you go fuck a swastika or your sister and leave us alone. You don't see me complaining about how you look like a giant penis not as –." I felt a cold boot heel press into my back as he came over to me and picked me up onto my knees.

"I look like a giant dick huh," he said, "Let's see if you like my giant dick than." He unzipped his pants as two guys who looked just like him held James in attention. He pulled his boxers down and I started to laugh.

"You call that little thing a dick," I started, my courage coming out of nowhere, "that's barely a toothpick. I can't blow something I can't see." He tried shoving his penis in my mouth, but I bared my teeth to show that I wasn't taking shit tonight. He growled before kicking me in the chest onto the ground and calling two big guys over to hold me on my knees again.

"I'm gonna make you watch your boyfriend die," he said simply, "just so you know that if you don't leave, you're next." I began to cry when I realized this situation wasn't a joke anymore; reality hit and I realized that I had put James in danger.

"Wait," I pleaded, "I'll do whatever you want. I'll blow you off or ride you dick. Just don't hurt him."

"To late sweetheart," the cruel man responded, "that offer expired when you came to this town." And with then he took the metal bar and swung it into James's stomach. He swung again, this time aiming at the knees, forcing James to cry out in agony. He dropped the bar and started to hit James hard in the face. I couldn't watch and at the same time, I was so worried about James that I had to take every blow with them. Tears fell down my eyes as I stained the concrete street with tiny rivers of salt water, but when James spat out blood at the skin head's face, I broke free and drove forward to James, pushing the leader into the wall. I grabbed onto James and cried, but he had other intentions for our split second together. James said one sentence:

"I need you to close your eyes Bambi," he said, looking at me deep, "because I don't want you to lose your innocence if I die." The Skin-head man got back up and grabbed me by the hair, throwing me back into his cronies. He continued to beat James harder and I closed my eyes like he instructed, not having the guts to watch the love of my life die. But, I had decided from the beginning that this wouldn't go unavenged like so many other things. With my eyes closed I pulled out my phone and started to video what was going on so that when I went to the cops, I would have enough evidence that they couldn't turn the case down. But I just kept wailing as reality kept hitting me in waves of pain. It wasn't fair. I loved him. It took forever and I finally was able to give him what he gave me. But when I looked this time, he was on his knees, two black eyes and swollen lips as every joint in his body seemed to bleed. The leader kicked him in the chin into the brick wall behind him before he pulled a knife.

"I'm gonna carve your homo fuckin heart out," he stated simply, ripping James shirt open and putting the blade to his chest. The camera phone caught every waking second of it. I hadn't given up on saving him. But I couldn't live through this and neither could he and I knew I had one thing left I could do. I let out a loud cry like an animal; no words, just noise and then I saw a light appear in the midst. A Light in the Midst of shadow and shroud that covered this haunted alley. Next the sound of a gun click.

"Clear the fuck out," I heard a familiar voice yell into the air, "or I swear to God, I'll shoot every last one of you."

"Your bluffin," the Leader said, dropping James as I scrambled forward to start cleaning him up, but I ducked when I heard gun shots. The gang ran away, ran from the alley before the mysterious savior stepped out of the shadows to reveal himself.

"Call 9-1-1, Carlos," Kendall barked out as he put his iphone back in his pocket and walking over to me. At first I was worried he'd sent them off to kill me himself, but as I was cleaning James up, I realized I was better off dead, so I just stopped caring. I ripped the sleeve off of my coat to help bandage some of the wounds that covered his limp body.

"Are, you," he couldn't seem to look me in the eyes, but to be honest he could have been and I just couldn't see it. My eyes were glazed over with tears. "Alright," he finally said, getting on his knees and helping put James back together.

"What the hell do you think," I spat back at him as I started using my tears as alcohol to clean wounds on his body. I couldn't give up; James wasn't supposed to die this way. We were supposed to move away and get married and adopt a daughter and live happily ever after. He wasn't supposed to be beaten to death in an Alley.

"The cops are on their way," Carlos said as he ran back in, "but, I just. What happened?"

"I can't. I don-," I stuttered.

"Stop fucking around, how did this happen to him," Carlos was getting frustrated quickly.

"NO!" I shouted back.

"I don't know why I asked," he said calmly, starting to pace, "THIS IS OBVIOUSLY YOUR FAULT IN THE FIRST PLACE!" Now he was shouting back at me.

"Why would you care?" I tried to shout back, "You were just as cruel to him as you were to me."

"I was never cruel to him," he said back.

"Oh really," I seethed, "because you sure as hell never talked to him when he started dating. ME!"

"It's because I was jealous," Carlos spat back in my face, "Because I loved him more than you ever could have." He turned away from me as Kendall stood up to consol his friend.

"I never. I never knew," I said mournfully while continually wiping blood from James's forehead.

"I guess I was that good at hiding it," Carlos said as he darkly giggled, "because he was all I ever thought about."

"I wish I'd known, I would have never taken him from you."

"I wouldn't have ever said anything in the first place," Carlos sympathized, " I'm not as brave as you and him."

"Neither was I," Kendall finally chimed in, "but I guess that boat has sailed for all of us."Carlos bent down to help me clean James up as the EMS finally arrived and the cops on the scene. I went with James to the hospital when the police pulled Carlos and Kendall over to the side to get testimonies. But, when I climbed into the back of the truck, my phone started to go off:

"Vogue. Move to the mu-." I picked it up before the ringtone could finish and decided that that would be the last time James would get to play with my phone. Then it hit me that this could be the last time he played with my phone. There was silence on both ends for a while when the female voice finally woke me from my trance.

"LOGAN!," Jo cried, "What the hell is going on. Why do I hear emergency sirens. Are you alright."

"James and I were caught outside of an alley and James was beaten badly," I responded in a monotonous tone.

"How are you?" she retorted.

"I don't matter," I said back, "Just get to the hospital quick and find Diamond. Got it." I hung up as soon as I gave my last order and started whispering to James.

"It'll all be okay," I said, "You'll wake up and see. This was all a nightmare," but I knew that was a lie. This wasn't any dream or nightmare, but a twisted version of reality that was very real. Two hours later, Cops had questioned me and took my phone for evidence when they saw the video. (The perpetrators would be caught two days later and all plead guilty, no trial.) Doctors had checked my back and told me it would only be soar while all I did was watch James. Carlos, Kendall, Jo, and Camille all stood behind me while I sat in the seat next to his bed. About thirty minutes later, Jenny Tinkler and Ms. Wainright showed up with some of the other drama girls. It was hard to watch. James was hooked up to numerous machines and i.v.'s and rapped with gauze like a mummy. One leg was in a cast and both of his arms were in slings. The doctor came in at the same time his parents did, and by eleven o'clock at night, we had at least fifteen people there. I thought it would make it better, but a crowd made it worse. Especially when the doctor came in.

"He's in a permanent coma," the doctor started, seeming to deliver the worst news first, but boy was I wrong, "he took too much brain damage to be able to ever survive on his own. Mister and Misses Diamond, would you please follow me into the next room." And immediately I understood why he was doing that. This was the death toll for James.

"Wait," Mrs. Diamond said, mascara and eye shadow smeared all over her otherwise well made up face, "Logan, I think you should come."

"It's highly against proce-."The doctor began, but Mrs. Diamond quickly cut him off.

"This is my son's boyfriend and he should have some say in this," with that, the doctor, Mrs. Diamond, Mr. Diamond, and myself all went into another room to view the scans and analysis of James's condition.

"It's clear to me that James's will not wake up," the Doctor said bluntly, "but it is up to you all to decide whether he stays alive or we take him off of life support."

Mrs. Diamond turned to me, "Logan, honey, how do you feel," and it felt bizarre to me to have his life in my hands when his parents were in the same room.

"What would happen if he woke up," I said to the tall doctor, but this time it was Mr. Diamond who answered.

"He'll be a vegetable if he wakes up," Mr. Diamond responded, "weren't you listening boy!" He hit me in the arm as Mrs. Diamond raised her voice.

"Fucking, calm down frank," Mrs. Diamond screamed, "if you touch Logan again, I'll murder you." I was shocked and questioning why someone I had just met would stand up for me till I realized that she was gripping my hand like a safety blanket because I was the only thing left to link her and her son. I was the only one who knew him the way she probably did. "We've made the decision together that we would pull the plug, but we'd like your input sweet-heart."

Tears rolled down my eyes as I gave the final verdict, "Pull the plug. He doesn't deserve to suffer anymore," and then I collapsed into Mrs. Diamonds arms.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note: I know we were all crying at the end of last chapter, but I swear it gets better for everyone. PS – Maybe I seem obsessed today and honestly, I probably am, but its been boring so I decided to try to catch up with reviews and responding to people. Luv ya. XoXo**

I showed up in a skin tight, all black suit that James had bought me for New Years Eve in L.A. with my biggest black shades and a pair of black converses that he always said he loved on me as I walked up the long, green stretch of grass to the outside covering. The Funeral was a weird mix of ex-friends, out –and-proud LGBT people, and Diamond Family members who weren't against attending a gay person's funeral. To say the least, it was a strange bunch there and even more awkward was the fact that I was being treated like a widow. It went so far as that I was stood next to the Diamonds to greet mourning people. I was forced to realize that I was the only true connection James had to anyone. I knew him better than his family knew him apparently, and they had decided to remind themselves of that every moment they kept me with them. It was weird, but I think Mrs. Diamond considered me her son now. She was treating me like I was all she had left and the world and when she held me, all I could do was cry. And so she would cry. And we would sob on each other as Jo did everything she could to calm me down. The Funeral mass felt a little forced because the Priest obviously didn't want to do it, but James's family pretty much owned the church. Donate enough and you can own the house of god apparently. I was asked to give the eulogy instead of any family members by Mr. Diamond, who was now asking me to call him Frank. I stepped up to the podium and looked around at the crowd nervously, not really sure how to start, but finally I decided to say how I really felt. I was in as much pain as everyone else and the difference was, they were giving me the chance to voice it. To be real.

"Most of you know that me and James weren't just friends. By no means did I feel, just friendly towards him. To be honest, I don't care how you feel about me or who I am. I know who I am and James knew who he was. James was gay and he was about at gay as they came and you have to know I loved to tease him for it," I smirked, looking up at no one in particular as I continued, "I'm a five-foot-seven, petite teen and yet James turned out to be the flaming one and even though he contained it well, it was still there. Though in truth, I'm not all that much more masculine. But he never tried to put up a façade around me because somehow, he knew we were meant to be together. It took a long time for James to show me this, to teach me to love him, but when I finally could, I realized that he was the most amazing person I'd ever met. I mean, I guess I knew that the whole time - he was so dynamic and amazing, but loving him was what it took to fully appreciate him. He was gentle and kind, but he never would ever let anyone insult me. He made that clear. For some reason, James thought that I was the most innocent thing he'd ever seen. Maybe that's why he loved me like he did, but it's too late to ask him now. He's gone and no matter how much I wish I could wake up and turn around and see him next to me, I can't. He'll never be with me again and that kills me. I want to die with him not here because losing him is like losing a big piece of myself. My heart. But when I feel like giving up, I think about what James would say. How he'd find a way to slip Bambi in a conversation and then tell me that he wasn't my world. That I had other people to love and take care for and it would be selfish to leave them all now. I loved him like an illness really. He occupied every realm of my very existence, that's why I don't know if I can even believe he's dead. Because by him being dead, it means half of me is dead. There are feelings that I'll never have again because he's not here to stir me up of make me feel incredible. Instead, some asses decided to kill him to prove a point and in the process, have helped kill me. I don't know if I'll ever love again, because James Diamond was the only person I know to have true, undying love for things. His passion in his pursuit of anything he cared about inspired me beyond words. There is a big part of the world that will die with him today. There is talent that will never be cultivated or discovered, and I feel bad for every single person out there that that can make a difference for. So for all those who knew James. Were his friends or family. Know that if you rejected him for being himself, you missed out on the most amazing person to every exist in this life, but all of you who accepted and loved him for who he was, you know just how much of a free and beautiful spirit James was," I had kept myself from crying the whole time, but I couldn't hold the flood gates any longer, "I, Logan Mitchell, have …. and will always love,*choke* love, you, James Diamond." I didn't say amen or end with a prayer; I just walked away from the podium back to the seat next to James's mother, crying softly as Jo did he best to put me back into one piece, but it was no use. James was an integral part of me.

But now, we were in the cemetery about to lay him to rest forever. And it hit me like a train right now as I watched the Priest put the last – prayers I guess- on James before letting everyone come see him one last time before they closed the casket and put in the ground. The wind was whipping against my head, which slightly hurt because it was Minnesota, brisk wind, but it didn't stop my tears. My hair was in dishevel for all the times I ran my wet, tear ridden fingers through it. I couldn't believe that somehow, last night honestly really happened. Never again would I have James Diamond by my side. Never again could I run my fingers through his luscious hair or curl up next to him while we watched some corny, romantic comedy. I'd never have my perfect diamond to hold me. I was about to fall apart when Mrs. Diamond patted my arm before rapping hers around my shoulders and guiding me to the casket to say one last final good-bye. He was so serene in his death bed and it made it worse. I just started to cry again, even harder than before as myself and Mrs. Diamond bent down and kissed him on the cold, make-up covered cheek.

"I love you," I said to James corpse, "And as long as I live, I will always love you," it was hard to make the words come out, but his mom helped me along as I gave him a second kiss and ruined some of his blush with a tear, but I had one last thing to do. I put an identical, rainbow colored bear in James's hand before blowing him one last kiss while walking away. The one he had given me that special night I still had. It was my most precious possession, but I felt he needed one to. Sad this was how he'd have to get it. I continued to cry as everyone passed and the Priest said the final words and the casket was closed and lowered into the ground. My sobs were loudest when this happened and my chest heaved so hard that I was having trouble breathing. Then I felt warm arms rap themselves around me tightly and pull me toward them. Jo silently rocked me, singing me our song, the same song we sang the night of the rape, which in a sick way made me kind of happy. The fucker who killed him was Earl. The dip-shits who hurt Jo were Earl. And a hearty good-bye to all the Earls on this earth that decided to hurt innocent people. But it didn't mean it was any easier to accept that James was gone forever. It just made it disappear for a moment. The Funeral service was over and we were all to go back to the reception, but I pulled Mrs. Diamond aside with Jo next to me.

"Can I request something a little *choke* rude," I started.

"What is it darling," Mrs. Diamond said back, treating me like her own little child.

"Can I go home, I don't want to deal with this anymore," I responded, holding myself together as best I could.

"Only if you let Kendall and Carlos take you home, hun," she said kindly before giving me a kiss on the cheek and walking away. Kendall and Carlos came up from behind her and guided myself and Jo to the beaten up car. I had instructed Jo earlier that morning that she was not to leave my side the whole day in case something happened and we weren't together. I wouldn't lose Jo too. I'd have to die first. Kendall opened the passenger door for me, but I turned him down, taking the seat next to Jo in the back seat. It was an older car with worn leather seats and a very retro feel. Still, it didn't matter. What mattered was that I wasn't alone. We sat in the car in complete silence, no one daring to break it as we pulled into my house's drive-way. I had suspected that Camille would stay for the reception, but getting home and knowing she wasn't there made it crystal clear that Jo and myself, plus the two other guys, were the only ones home. And even that scared me. They had beaten me up on the first day, what would stop them from taking the opportunity now. Nothing. But I didn't care; not even in the slightest. If they killed me at that moment, I don't think I would have felt anything, I was so numb to the world. The boys helped me to my room when Kendall noticed the doll on my dresser.

"I had no idea you were a Blondie fan," he started, examining the doll thoroughly as he turned the box front to back. "You don't come off as a punk rock fan really."

"I *choke* didn't either, but something about *choke* her style and attitude, it's *sob* iconic," I tried to say back.

"I'm absolutely syched for their new album that's coming out in summer, are you," Kendall said back, still staring at the Barbie in enamorment.

"Wow," I giggled a little, but it's hard to laugh while sobbing, "I said I liked her style, I'm not *choke* obsessed." I kinda smirked on the last word, but that didn't last long.

"Hey," he responded back, "I'm not the one with the Debbie Harry lead singer Barbie am I," he flashed a toothy smile at me.

"James," I started, but I had trouble saying it.

"James got it for him for Christmas," Jo finished, reading the pain on my face, "on the back of the box, James had attached plane tickets for them to go to L.A. for a week."

He gave me a sheepish look back, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-."

"Jo," I tried to say politely, and he immediately shut up "could you take Carlos to the living room, I need to *choke* talk to Kendall in private." She shook her head no, but I looked at her with pleading eyes and she agreed, grasping my hand in a passing touch, leading Carlos out my room door as fast as she could. I looked back at Kendall, "Where the hell have *sob* you been?"

"Wow, that's a way to start a conversation," Kendall retorted, still not looking me in the eyes.

"Don't play *choke* cat and mouse with me, you started *sob*, stuff at the mall and then disappeared the next day."

"I realized something."

"And what would that *choke* be, that you regretted sleeping with me more, or that it just never *choke* happened."

"I realized that I might have feelings for you."

"Oh," I started, "Not this shit. Not right *choke* after James is dead. Not after your reputation and what you do and how you feel and -."

"I've changed," he said, finally looking towards me.

"What the hell do you mean *sob*, changed"

"I left for therapy, but after what happened, I felt best to go to it in my Aunt's town," he began, "you were right, I needed help and so I found it. I got a psychologist and therapist to try to get over my problems with being … gay. It was hard to admit at first because for so long I'd blame all of my problems on the fact that being gay even happened. The doctor helped me realize that my problem was my way of thinking, not everyone else. I went through anger management classes to learn how to not explode and hurt people when I get mad. I learned to love myself. Part of my therapy was to listen to music, and my doctor gave me a Blondie C.D." He looked me in the eye and pointed at the doll that was still in his hands, "So seeing this was refreshing. It reminds me that everyone is different and that's incredible and amazing. That I'm different and incredible and amazing. And that no one deserves to be punished for embracing that in themselves."

"I still don't *Choke* trust you," I said firmly.

"I didn't except you to," Kendall said back calmly, "but I have every intention to gain that trust from you."

"It'll never happen."

"It won't will it."

"Yup *choke*, never again."

"Not even if I do this," he pressed play and the C.D. player boomed out the last song I had been listening to. "Madonna and a Boom Box. Really," he said, smiling again, "A little retro are weee…."He had just noticed that I had nodded off. "Well, I don't think he'll mind if I do this," he climbed into my bed and cuddled with me, getting under the blankets I had been clenching to myself, never realizing I was awake, slightly smiling the whole time. Maybe one day I could have some kind of happiness again. Maybe this was James telling me to love again.


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note: So this Chapter will be mostly dialogue and may end up being shorter, who knows, I write these intros before I start writing the actual story. I'm building up the Kogan, but Logan is still damaged goods, so give me, and him, time. We'll both get there. Luv Ya. XoXo**

I woke up the next day to find Kendall still in my bed, a big grin on his face as I shifted away from him to see the bed opposite mine. Jo was peacefully asleep on her bed with Carlos having slept on the floor; Camille was asleep in a ball in the corner on top of Jo's bean-bag. It was nice. I loved having everyone around me, even if two of them scared me a little. Maybe it was because I knew I had feeling for Kendall too. Maybe it was that Carlos was completely in love with James and suffered just as much as I did. I don't know what made me warm up to them, but they would both suffer if they intended to be my friends. If I'd learned anything recently, it's that this town has made it clear that I'm not welcome, and I've made it clear back that I'm not leaving, but I was scared. I was scared for all of my friends and scared for my family; I was scared for myself. I was scared of myself. My feelings for James that final week together were like life-support. I needed him at all times and him gone felt like losing limbs. Felt like losing important organs; that's how bad his death hurt. And on one bad day, I could make a bad decision to end it all because of the pain that I seem to put everyone through. Because I sure as hell had been thinking it lately. That was the most frightening part of all really, the fact that even I wanted me gone. But being here with Kendall now made me feel a glimmer of happiness and that was all I needed at that moment to live. To be loved by someone in a way only James could. Kendall turned a little, moaned and wrapped his arm around me in an embrace.

"What you doin up Bambi," Kendall said groggily, his eyes still closed.

"I'm thinking," I responded frankily.

"Watcha thinkin about," he said, finally looking at me.

I looked away, not wanting to face his hazel eyes, "I don't want to say."

"You know, you have the most beautiful brown eyes."

"Flattery isn't going to help you at all."

"The sexiest dimples"

"That's not fair"

"And I love your black-brown hair"

"Stop."

"And the cutest smile"

"Why are you doing this"

"Doing what?" Kendall said, hiding an annoying grin.

"Making me Love you!" I put my hands over my mouth as fast as I could after I had said it because I swore to myself moments before that I wouldn't tell.

"You. Love. Me."

"I never said I love you," I responded quickly, lowering my eyes, "I said your making me love you."

"What's the difference"

"The Difference is," I was getting flustered, "Well, I don't know the difference, but I don't love you." He pulled me closer to him while I tried to push me away, even though I knew it was futile, as he smiled that quirky smile.

"I love you too, Logie."

"The feelings aren't reciprocated"

"You're really cute when you get dorky," Kendall said, shutting his eyes again, "you know that." I was a little angry, but I'd get over it cause right now, I just needed his touch.

"Um, Kendall," I said shyly, "Do you know if maybe you could kind of-."

"Yeah, I'll hold you Bambi. Good Night," He wrapped those muscular arms around me again and it reminded me of how James would hold me and talk to me in the middle of the night. The tears started to roll again, but this time, I wasn't sure what they were for exactly. I whispered in the quietest voice imaginable 'love you Kendall' and a small smile curled his lips. Smug bastard.

The morning came a lot sooner then I imagined it - or maybe Kendall just wakes up really early, but I honestly doubted the latter - anyway, because I woke up as soon as Kendall unhooked his arms from around me.

"Why'd you do that," I said in a pleading voice, "I love your warmth."

"It's time to get up Logie," he said back, "it's noon and everyone's already gone," he gestured to the rest of the room before turning to pull his jeans on.

"Why didn't anyone wake me up?" I started, "and why are your pants off? When did you do that? Did you-."

"Calm down Logie," Kendall said as he zipped them, "I did it while you were asleep cause it was getting really hot with you curled up in my chest and the giant comforter on top of us. I didn't leave you."

"Can I ask you a strange request," I looked down while sitting up because for some reason, his gaze made me blush, "Don't leave me okay. I don't like being alone and you are the closest thing to James I have. At least for now."

"I've told you Logie-Bear, I love you more than you can understand yet; why in the hell would I ever wanna leave you?"

I giggled a little, "You sound just like," then I started to choke on the memory, "like what James used to say."

"James would want you to be happy. He'd want you to move on."

"How the hell do you know that," I raged, tears rolling down my soggy cheeks.

"Because James was my best friend much longer than he was your boyfriend," Kendall started, "you think I honestly didn't know he was gay. Or he wouldn't have come out to me. James told me in the seventh grade and there was no judgment cause I had a secret of my own. I know him. I knew him. He loved you more than you can understand."

"You still don't know that"

"Actually, I do,"

"How," I said, giving him a dirty look while glaring at him.

"When I was in Therapy, we wrote to each other. Pen and Paper writing cause I was allowed one pen-pal to find out about what was going on in town. My doctor said to not call anyone from my home town or contact anyone so I wouldn't get upset and undo all his hard work we had done together, but after, -what's a good word,"

"Extensive," I added, lifting my head from my lap.

"Yeah, extensive begging, I finally was allowed to write back and forth with one person and I chose James to find out about you. I kept all the letters to remind me why I was getting better in the first place."

After a long silence, I finally spoke up, "Can I read them?"

"Yeah, but there is one caveat"

"What would that be"

"You have to come over to my house to do it"

"Can Jo come"

He thought about it for a minute before opening the door and simply saying, "Yeah, I guess." He didn't sound excited about her coming, but I got the impression he wasn't excited about me reading the letters. Was I that emotionally unstable that people thought I could break from one simple letter. Could I break from one single letter? It didn't matter because no matter what, I needed them. I needed to find out if James said anything about what to do right now. I wanted to have his permission to move on. His consent to love again. Kendall popped back in the door way, "Everyone's gone; Wanna go now." Two hours later, we were in a small apartment building in the inner most part of the tiny town. At first I was scared, thinking maybe Kendall brought me here because this was the one place that no one would ever find me in case he wanted to hurt me, but instead, he pulled me next to him by the waist, holding my hips as he waved and talked to his neighbors.

"Is this Bambi," an older man said kindly, "he sure is a beauty."

"Thanks Bill, but you're not lookin to bad yourself," Kendall responded.

"Don't try anything now; I don't think my cats would like it too much."

"Wouldn't dream of it sir," Kendall said with a grin. This kind of thing went on forever; it seemed as though Kendall knew every single person in the complex and they all liked him. The place was grungy and ugly, dirty, but it had its own strange charm. The people. They were all the 'freaks' and 'outcasts' that everyone else wanted to disappear, and then it dawned on me that Kendall lived here. He was one of this town's 'freaks' and 'outcasts'. That made me really sad because Kendall was so beautiful for all his problems, on the inside and out now. We were almost to his room when a tall, black drag queen stepped out from the room exactly across the hall.

"He's short," the drag queen purred, "and I thought you liked yours big enough to actually compete."

"This is my Bambi, Missy," he said, turned to the door, trying to unlock it.

"We aren't on first name basis yet honey," she said back, "that comes after I wake up in your bed. I'm still Miss Led to you."

"I'm sorry, Miss Led, anything I can do for you," he said snarkily back.

"Actually, yes, I need some cash to get into 'Auntie Vida's'; I used up all mine buying new stockings."

"Yeah Missy, give me a minute," he finally got the door open and I saw the dingy apartment, "now how much do you need?"

She flashed her false lashes fast, "tweny, honey-doll," this time, giving a toothy grin.

"You know I don't have it."

"but I do," I chimed in finally.

"Oh," Miss said, "Twinkie Winkie here can help me out; well go ahead, I don't have all day." I quicky handed her the cash and she marched out like she was Tyra Banks. It made me laugh a little, but not at her. I loved how fierce drag queens were; I kind of envied it in a way, and living in L.A., you got used to that kind of shit. It was refreshing to know that something's were still the same. Now onto the Apartment.

"Before you get so upset with me over the look of the apartment," Kendall started, following behind me as I stared in disgust, "you have to know that I'm not as gay as James was. I tend to not be too much of a stereotype. I don't know how to cook or clean or enjoy show-tunes. I can't stand Cher. I can't stand Madonna. I can't stand Gaga. So before getting mad, keep in mind, I'm pretty much a straight guy who likes to sleep with other guys."

"Yeah," I responded coolly, still looking around, "I got that day one, I'm just hoping I don't have to endure sports." He gave me that grin that I was beginning to love/hate.

"I don't like any sports at all, except Hockey which really isn't a sport, it's a lifest-."

"Yeah, yadda yadda yadda, now lock the door and I'll get to work." He did as instructed and got onto the bed, grabbing the remote and turning on the T.V. to the present Hockey Game. I didn't understand it at all, but I didn't mind because I was busy cleaning up the place. It was nice to get my mind off of James for a while because when it came to cleaning, I didn't mess around. I collected all of his dirty clothes into the hamper into the bathroom and then started to clean his sink with a towel before I realized I just didn't have the right materials. I walked back out and looked at Kendall who was enthralled by the game, "Kendall, is there a store around here, I need to get some supplies to clean." He didn't move, not one muscle. "Hey, you, I need to go to the store, take me." Again, nothing, but I figured out what to do this time, "Hey love," I said, crawling into his lap, "take me to the store. Please. I'll pay." I leaned up and gave him a kiss on the lips.

"So, you need to go the store," he said, breaking out of his trance.


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note: Aw, Fuck it, I may not be able to post tomorrow because my laptops about to crash and I know it's really late, but I'm going to go ahead and post this because I love to hear what you have to say about it. We're finally at the half way point and I know it's been a really short time, but it's been a blast. And check out my account to learn about the new story I'll do next because I need your help picking. If I can, I may end up posting chapter 16 tomorrow; If I don't, sorry. Love Ya. XoXo**

I felt a little sleazy in the Wal-Mart that Kendall had taken me to, but I had no time for feelings right now. I had business and I refused to let my, maybe love interest, live in such a horrible place. It just couldn't happen. Immediately, I got bleach, sponges, a shirt to make into rags, scissors, wall cleaner, carpet cleaner, and every other thing I could think of to clean his disgusting apartment. How anything could be that atrocious was besides me. I was checking the list in my head when I noticed Kendall's smug look. Again (it seemed perpetually plastered on his face).

"What?" I said, turning to stare at him.

"It's just so funny to see you like this," he said.

"Like what?"

"Like my wife or something."

"Cleanliness is next to Godliness."

"You announced to the town you were an Atheist though," he said grinning.

"I hate when you do that, you know."

"Do what"

"Act like me to win an argument. I must be quite annoying."

"Annoyingly cute," he came up behind me, tickling my hips and forcing me to jump and squeal like a little girl.

"Stop!" I giggled out.

"I think you like it," he said before stopping and kissing me on the forehead.

"No, because I have business, now do you have food in your fridge."

"Na, why would I need that," he said, looking through the bottles of cleaner.

"You don't have anything at all?" I questioned.

"Why would I need it," he said, still going through the bottle, clueless.

"To EAT"

"If I'm hungry, I'll go down to Mr. Bills and have something with him and his cats. He loves when I come over. Or worst case, I go with Missy down to 'Auntie Vida's' for something."

"You have no idea how to take care of yourself do you."

"Well," he started, but I interrupted.

"Well, what?"

"You get really bitchy when you start winning an argument."

"Thanks," I responded sarcastically, before turning around and grabbing the Febreze and turning out of the isle with him behind me like a puppy dog. We went down the food isles and I grabbed a few different kinds of chips and bread. Lunch meat and cheese. A few - Diet Cokes, and then bananas, because I have a thing for bananas (no pun intended).

"Really. Bananas," he pointed out, looking at me with a quirked eyebrow.

"I like them," I responded, "and they are a great, healthy, quick snack."

"Yeah, but you kind of act different around one when you get nervous," he said in that voice that drove me insane.

"What's that exactly supposed to mean," I responded, mock glaring. He walked up and grabbed my ass:

"It means you deep throat a banana pretty well when you get the jitters, Logie." I blushed before ignoring him and just pushing the basket forward to the cashier. It was expensive, but I still had a little Christmas cash left, so I paid quickly before wheeling the basket back to the car. I started to put everything in the trunk when Kendall walked up.

"Hey," Kendall said, "let me do that."

"Okay, but how come."

"It's the gentlemanly thing to do, especially because it's all for me."

"And when did you become a gentlemen," I said quickly, smirking.

"Low blow, especially for the one with a Cleaning Addiction."

"I'm sorry for helping you then."

"Oh, go blow a banana," and he made me blush again. I hated when he did that and he chuckled before loading everything and getting into the front-seat. We drove back quickly to his apartment when my cell started to ring and Kendall heard my ring-tone.

"Are you okay Bambi," Jo asked.

I laughed a little when I saw Kendall's reaction to my ringtone in his amazing eyebrows, "Yeah, were are you."

"Oh, sorry I left, but Camille, Carlos, Samantha and I decided to spend a day at the mall cause we thought you'd be depressed," she got that smile in her voice that I could hear always, "but you certainly sound better."

"I'm out with Kendall - and he is making fun of me."

"Well, stay safe, and if you need me, call," Jo finally said right before she was about to hang up.

"Hey, I have a question, you've kinda been clingy since the incident, how come you aren't right now," it was difficult for me, but I decided to be straight forward with the question because I tried to always make sure she'd be included to not have to leave me.

"Logan, I did that for you, not me. Yeah it hurt and Yeah it was horrible, but it happened and there is nothing I can do about it, but use it as a lesson for myself that people like that should burn in hell. To never let myself ever maliciously hurt someone just for some person satisfaction. The guilt you had after what happened to me made me worry about you. But if you have Kendall making you happy, maybe I'm not exactly needed."

"You are always needed Bitch. I love you"

"Love You too Bambi," she responded before hanging up and in good time too; we had just pulled into the dingy little place. We grabbed the bags together and carried them all to Kendall's room on the first floor (there were only five), and got into the apartment without anyone saying anything, which I was very grateful for because it was all so heavy. We pulled in the door before the questioning started from Mister Smirks.

"Really," he started.

I looked back with my most innocent eyes, "What?"

"Don't give me those sexy eyes," he said smiling, "You honestly have 'Vogue' as your ringtone."

"James set it," then I choked and my eyes glazed over. James had set it right before what happened, and this whole day I had the nerve to be happy while he was gone. Slowly, I sat myself back down on the bed before starting to talk again in a blank voice. "James set it and I got angry with him for giving me the most embarrassing ringtones. I-."

"Logan, you can't keep doing this," Kendall said seriously, sitting across from me, "you can't keep torturing yourself every time his name comes up. He existed and we're gonna talk about him. And as time goes on, even more than now and you can't become like this every single time his name gets brought up."

"But, what right do I have to already love again after he died just a week ago. He'll never be able to love again, why should -."He flung a letter at me before walking into the bathroom shutting the door swiftly afterward.

"_Dear Kendall, _

_Lately, things have been getting worse here and I'm starting to get worried about Logan getting hurt. I can take care of myself, (I learned from the best), but I don't think I can take care of both of us. And I would die for him. I realize that the reason he can't fully love me is cause he still loves you, but I'm getting there with him and if I ever got seriously hurt, it might hurt him too. If that happens, you better get your ass back in this town and take care of my beautiful LoLo because he is so precious and he only deserves the best. You got that, because if I die and you don't come back, I'll fucking haunt you. But, if it does happen, there are things I want him to know. For starter, he better read this letter, so I'm depending on you to take care of that. Got it. Here we go, _

_Dear Logan,_

_I hope you know that I loved you with my deepest being and that no one will ever replace you to me, mainly cause I'd be dead_(that James sense of humor)_.__But, I need you to move on and be happy, be very happy. Live a long and good life and adopt kids and get married and learn to love again. Tragedy is all part of our lives and it helps build character, always. And when You are a huge, famous musician someday, like I know you will be, I hope losing me in whatever way you might, will help you with passion and emotion, because I can already imagine some corny love song about a ghost called 'Light in the Midst' or something. Not that your song is cheesy, but I'm kind of rambling. Anyway, I need you to be happy with whoever you are with after me. I don't care if it's Kendall or Jenny for that matter, but move on and be happy. There's no reason for you to dwell in the past when you have every opportunity and skill to move ahead and live your dreams. Get out of Minnesota though, it's obviously not your forte, I mean you get cold when its just 60 degrees. I may be the only guy you'll know to put up with five comforters. Have fun and don't change yourself for this shit town, and know that you meant the world to me. I just hope I died protecting you, that' all, because that's an actual worthwhile way to die. Tell Jo and Camille and Carlos and the Rest of Drama and the School and my Family that I love them, and know in your own hear that I will always live inside of you, so don't stop living for me. _

_I love you to the purest extent,_

_James _

_If I turn out okay and you come back anytime soon, know I'll still fight you for my little LoLo and I'll win, mainly cause I'm amazing looking _(there was that vanity)_, but also because Logan is my life now._

_ Have Fun in Bully Rehab,_

_ James_

_P.S.: Sorry this letter was shorter, but I like Logan more than I like you."_

Kendall was right behind me as I finished the letter, my hands still shaking and my cheeks still stained with tears.

"Logie, do you believe me now," he said quietly.

"I believe that I truly love you Kendall." I said it flat because I finally could. I could say what was bottled up in me for so long. "but, I don't trust you yet."

"Look, I know it'll take time, but I'm willing to go through every second of it just to be with you."

"Yeah and I don't plan on leaving your side for the time it takes." It was a great feeling to think that James loved me enough to take the chains off of me even after death, because I honestly couldn't love again if I thought he wouldn't approve. But I had my own trust issues with Kendall I would have to confront now, and that might take a while.

"Do you still want to clean," he asked, taking a seat on the bed next to me with a soda in his hands.

"No, I'll just put up the food, but I was wondering if we could, you know, go to sleep and maybe you could, you know, hold me," I couldn't look up, thinking about how I had treated him.

"You sure do sleep a lot, don't you Logie-Bear," he said, picking up the coke can box and putting it into the mini fridge next to the TV, "But you do know I love holding you." I walked over and helped him put the rest of the food away before taking off my tight jeans and grabbing a pair of sweat pants from Kendall's drawers. It was really big on me, but he thought it was cute, so I could put up with the size for a little while. Slowly, I climbed into the sheets while he turned the lights out and grabbed the remote to find a movie to watch. Obviously, he had no intention of sleeping just a few hours after sleeping the whole day before away, but I did. What can I say, tears make you really tired. He climbed into bed in nothing but his loose boxers and I cuddled into his warm embrace. He turned it to that movie with the _Veronica Mars _girl and Fergie's husband right before my eyes started fluttering to a close. And then I fell into the dreamy world of sleep.


	16. Chapter 16

"James, wait … NO!" I screeched as I woke from the horrific dream playing out before me. Kendall jumped and saw my face wet with sweat as I sat up and panted.

"Logie, are you okay," he said caringly, wrapping his strong arms around my waist.

"I … Are you okay?" I said, whimpering in the process.

"Yeah, but it's you I'm worried about," he sat up, slinging his arm around my shoulders and pulling me closer, "You're a wreck. Sweating and moaning and crying; it's like a bad version of sex." He tried to make me laugh with that one, but as soon as it fell flat he just started to rock me side to side.

"Just don't leave me, okay," I responded quietly, "it scares me to be alone."We started to lay back down when Kendall got an idea and pulled me out of bed. We were both super tired, so we kind of stumbled over to the dresser when Kendall pulled out a giant shirt. He swiftly removed my own (which at first I didn't protest to), but when he started to pull my pants down, I got more uncomfortable. I grabbed the sweat pants and moaned, forcing him to grab a pair of boxers from his drawer as well.

"Try to trust me right now Logan," he said kindly, "I swear I would never hurt you. Not ever again." It was all I needed at the moment to let go, so I stretched my arms out and let him finish stripping me till he was at my underpants. He stifled a giggle while pulling the boxers over my underwear and then grabbed the over sized shirt and pulling it over me. "Now let's go to sleep, you shouldn't be so hot this time." I flung myself into the bed, deciding to ignore comfort just so I could have Kendall's body around mine. He cuddled into me and immediately I fell back to sleep, tight in his arms, with no nightmares. I woke up a little while later to see Kendall paying for something at the door. I didn't like that he wasn't next to me, but seeing him made it a little better. I couldn't believe how much I'd started to need this boy. I barely knew him and what I did wasn't exactly flattering. He used to beat up gay kids because he was gay and then decided to stop and be a proud gay so I could love him, all while I was dating James who apparently was keeping in contact with him while he was in Therapy about me. But, I also knew a few good things. That he loved me, for one. That he needed my presence just as much as I needed his. That James was his friend too. That he made me happy again in a weird way. I know I'll never truly be fully happy because James is gone. He stole some of that from me when he died, but Kendall gave me back the rest of the pieces. He made me feel some-what hole again. And that was an amazing feeling to have at any time. He turned back to me and flashed that smile that made me smile too and locked the door. "What are you smiling about, Bambi."

"You never call me Bambi," I questioned.

"I only call you Bambi when you look like it, and right now, you're giving me big, brown eyes," Kendall said, putting the pizza box down and going over to the fridge to get two diet coke cans out. I laughed a little before finally getting out of bed and standing to re-see the apartment. Still as bad as the night before, but I could fix it; I'd just need some kind of tour of it.

"Uh, Kendall, Why don't you show me around your place," I said softly as I pulled on the sweat pants he took off of me last night.

"What else is there to see Logie," he retorted, walking up to me to plant a kiss on my head.

"You have a kitchen, don't you; why don't we start there," I said.

"Kinda," he motioned me forward, "Come see," and he led me to his closet; this was gonna be good. He pulled the door open and what did I see but a crap load of boxes over things like shelves and a stove and a box over were the mini-fridge was supposed to be. Apparently he had moved it. The kitchen was Narrow, but it seemed like it could fit two people. It also looked like before it was a kitchen, it was a walk-in closet. "So I do have one," he looked away, "I just use it for storage, not food." I attempted to walk in and was stopped by boxes and poorly tiled floor. This was gonna be my hardest project yet, but I refused to give up. Still, this all did prove one thing for sure. Kendall really was a straight guy who found other guys attractive. Or maybe it's that I'm an even bigger stereo-type than I thought. Anyway, I had a job to do and I immediately started bossing Kendall around.

"Go get all the cleaning supplies and bring them to me immediately," I started, picking up boxes in the process and moving them back into the room. "Next, help me move boxes to clear the Kitchen. We're gonna make it use able. Then, get all of the food out of the refrigerator and have it ready to be brought back into here." He was just staring at me in surprise before I barked, "What are you looking at, get to work, and hand me a banana."

"Are you sure you wanna do that boss," he said back smirking.

"Of course," I said, putting my nose in the air, "Now come over here and take this," I handed him the box before jumping back into the mess.

He took it away and then came back with the banana in hand, "I can't watch this," he said laughing.

But then he started giving orders, "You shouldn't, you should be lifting boxes." If he was going to be snarky, I would just leave, so I turned and walked out of the Closet/Kitchen (I really wasn't sure how to exactly classify it yet) and pealed the Banana, hurrying to eat it so it wouldn't be so suggestive to Kendall. Of course it wasn't fast enough.

"Be careful," he said grinning, "I think what you're doing is illegal in some states," he said, leaning against the door frame. I decided to play along this time and bit deep into the fruit before swallowing hard and licking my lips seductively. "Ah, come on Logie, don't do that to me, not after having been so good lately."

"Maybe that's motivation to get your job done," I said, turning away to throw the rest banana in the trash. I wasn't above being explicit to get this job done and I was determined too. If I was gonna stay in this apartment at any time, it should at least be presentable. I bent over and slapped my bottom, which kind of hurt, but it got Kendall's attention enough to head back to lifting boxes immediately. Maybe there was something to this sex thing after all, but to be honest, I vaguely remember it. That night was riddled with drama, and I kind of blocked out the alcohol parts to focus on getting through a hang-over. But, I could never admit this to Kendall; it'd be a little too embarrassing to admit to just remember a few moments, the clearest being running from him. And I guess the reason that is so clear to me is because it is a concern I still harbor deep in my mind. I knew Kendall was doing better. He was out-and-proud, but I'll never forget his past. And this most painful part of all is that I don't have James to run to this time. He's gone forever and there is absolutely no undoing that. If anything ever sent Kendall over the edge, I'd be doomed for sure. I couldn't risk Jo. Camille barely got away with me the first time. I didn't know Carlos well enough to trust him either. And maybe that was why trusting him was such a hard job for me. I knew that James gave his consent from the grave, which still made me teary eyed, but it wasn't that simple and never would be. I still had every intention to get out of this town like he said, but the way I was dependant on Kendall, I wasn't sure if I could. It'd been two or three days and already, I couldn't stand him being away from me. If he refused to leave, then I couldn't and that would be betraying James, who loved me enough to set up a contingency plan if he died. And maybe that was another reason for trust issues with Kendall. My feeling feel like tangled chords though. I can't seem to fully understand them or get them to work, they are just there. Which …

"Hey, Logie, you okay," Kendall said, interrupting my train of thought, "you're just starin into space."

"Yeah, just thinking," I said back, still not able to look at him.

"That's really startin to get annoying," He said, sitting on the bed next to me and putting the box down.

"I depend on you Kendall, and that scares me a lot," I said as frankly as possible, trying not to let any emotion out.

"Why does it scare you Bambi."

"Because our history hasn't been flawless, and I still barely know you, even though we've been through so much together."

"Logan," he started, "I swore to you that I'd never hurt you again. You know why; because that same addiction you have to me is the one I have to you. You're like a drug for me. I never want to be away from you at all, but I'll admit I've fucked up. A lot. But I'd do anything to make that up to you. I'd die for you just like Ja- he did. As long as you're happy."

"You'd leave this town for me?" I questioned, looking him in the eyes this time, making him give me that smile.

"I'd leave this planet for you," with that, he tilted my head forward and leaned in for a kiss. It wasn't as passionate as the ones with James. Maybe nothing could be. But it felt right. It felt better than right. It felt perfect. He broke the kiss and looked me in the eyes again. "You're breath-taking, you know that." He got back up from the bed and helped me, obviously noticing my deep blush as he pulled me to the kitchen. It was a little bigger without the boxes, but it was still cramped. It didn't have any pantry, just sets of shelves and a wet bar were the sink was. It didn't look like there was a dish-washer though, instead just a small pantry under the sink. I just jumped in because it would be easier to do now since everything was out of my way, so I started the cleaning. I scrubbed the walls back to white. Got the grime off the floor. Dusted the shelves with the duster from under the sink pantry. After a good hour and a half, it was ready to start being moved into. I came out and Kendall immediately got what it meant, so he picked up the mini-fridge and started hooking it back into the corner. Wiring and electrical stuff didn't really make a lot of sense to me, so instead of watching, I unmuted the TV and turned the channel from the baseball game that was on.

"I was watching that," Kendall said from the kitchen.

"You promised the only sport would be Hockey," I retorted.

"I didn't mean that exactly," he responded.

"Now you're lying."

"Not lyin, just addin to the truth."

"You win, but I'm not watching."

"What are you going to do to stop me," he said laughing as he jumped on top of me.

"I'll simply abstain from sex," I responded calmly as he put his face just inches from mine.

"I thought you already were," he laughed at that, but I decided to show no sign of humor.

"Forever," I looked away when he came down to kiss me.

"Wow, cold," he said after kissing my cheek, "But you win honey."

"Honey, really?"

"Yeah, cause you're still acting like my wife again."

"Oh, Look," I screamed, startling him to the point of getting off of me, "Hairsprays on; the original."

"What's that supposed to mean to me though," he responded.

"It's my favorite movie in this world," I said back, "please let me watch it."

"Anything for you dear," he mocked, walking away to finish the fridge, but I had no time to even watch him go; the theme song was starting.

"Hairspray," I sang along to the song at the opening, watching the retro kids prepare to dance, "moma told me not to use it, but if I don't, I'm gonna lose it."

"Wow," Kendall said from the kitchen, "You're a incredible singer Logie. Has anyone ever told you that."

"We've had this argument before Kendall, flattery gets you nowhere with me."

"If I was trying to flatter you, I would say you sing like a choir of angels. Anyway, everything is all set up for you to start to do whatever you're plannin on doin with this fridge." Kendall stepped out of the Closet/Kitchen and I stepped in, walking away from the bed and knowing that the next second would be baseball. And what do you know, the batter gets to second base. I'm guessing that's not Tracy Turnblad.

"Hey Kendall," I said, starting to scrub the inners of the tiny refrigerator so it'd be clean for food, "I thought you were gonna let me watch my movie. This is a breach in the deal." I smiled a little, thinking that that would for sure get him to turn it back.

"I let you watch it and even got to here you sing," he said, the grin evident in his voice, "isn't that enough."

"Well, I guess so," I said mournfully, "I'll just go home to watch it," I walked out of the Closet/Kitchen and started for the door when I heard Corny Collins voice again. "Oh, so I see you love this movie too," I acted mockingly surprised as I crawled into bed with Kendall and rested my head on his chest. The food could wait a minute.

"Don't. You. Know. It." He said through bared teeth as he rapped his arm around me. I loved my asshole boyfriend.

**Author's Note: Sorry if the story is a little slow right now, but I feel like since this is a Kogan, it's super important to stress their relationship and watch it develop as fast as it has. I swear, big things are coming, but after the last big thing to happen, I'm going to wait a while. I guess that means the story keeps going. Sorry, NOT. Love ya. XoXo**


	17. Chapter 17

After hours of cleaning, scrubbing, rearranging and unpacking boxes, I finally finished working on Kendall's apartment at ten at night and for some reason lately, all I've wanted to do is sleep, so staying awake from seven to ten was an accomplishment. Before I could lay down with Kendall (who'd been a lazy bum all day), I decided to call and check on Jo and tell her I would be staying another night. What I got wasn't my dream of perfection.

"Hello" a rushed voice said, obviously rushing around our little room at home, "What do you need Bambi."

"Nothing Jo, I was just calling to say that I'm at-," she interrupted me while I was trying to tell her I was still at Kendall's apartment.

"I know, you're at Kendall's, anything else," she said, obviously flustered.

"What's the rush Bitch, I thought maybe you wanted to talk," I was calm, but determined to find out what the hell was going on exactly.

"I have to pack and don't have- Crap!"

"What do you mean you have to pack?" I screeched, catching Kendall's attention away from the TV.

"Look, I've been putting off telling you, but Samantha is transferring to another College upstate to get out of this town. She invited me to come and I decided it would be best for me. It's not because of you Logan, I swear, but after what's happened here, I need to get away."

"When are you leaving," I said pleadingly; I had to know. She wasn't getting away without a goodbye.

"Tomorrow morning at five. We are driving up to the airport that's a couple hours from here and then flying out. You don't have to come Logan; Samantha is gonna drive and Camille will be home all night with her new gay best friend, Carlos. You know, that girl is a bit of a gay magnet, wonder if she-."

"Stop doing that," I said in an upset tone, "Stop trying to get me not to pay attention. You are my very best friend and I at least get to say good bye to you. Kendall and I will be right over. Don't do anything."

Kendall had been listening to the whole conversation when I turned to him, "We need to go to your house Logie," he said.

"Yeah," I responded quickly, grabbing a coat and running out the door, Kendall was slower behind me cause he had to grab the car keys and lock the place up. I was out in the freezing cold, next to his old car when he ran up to the door and manually unlocked it, which made me giggle. We both got in as fast as we could before he started driving. It startled me at first, just how fast he was going, but I got used to it when I thought about Jo. Jo who had been through so much with me. Jo my best friend who was also a rape victim. Jo my friend who was almost like a sister, and she was going to leave without even saying goodbye. It made me sad, but I didn't realize I was crying till Kendall wiped my cheek.

"What's going on Logie-Bear," Kendall started softly, "I'm still not sure what we're doing exactly."

"Jo is moving tomorrow and just told me. And it's just – it's just that I keep losing people and she was my one constant. When I screwed up, she was there to tell me it was okay. And tomorrow she'll be gone. Never there again, probably. I know I have Camille and You and Carlos to some extent, but she was different. Almost every tragedy possible happened to us and now the greatest one of all is going on. She's leaving."

"I really wish there was something I could do," he said, "I absolutely hate seeing you like this. So sad."

"It's okay, it's just difficult. She was the person to tell me that you had a crush on me. I kind of think she chose my Halloween outfit just to get you to make a move. It's hard to realize that soon those will be memories of an old friend," my tears had slowed a little and I wasn't choking (yet), but it still felt bad.

"How'd she know I like you," Kendall responded, "I know I never told her."

"Besides the fact that you scared off a few bullies who tried to kill me day one," I started, "but she told me about my nervous habit."

"Of blowing things when you're nervous,"

"Yeah, that one. She said when I got nervous I'd do it to the end of my pencil and that you could barely handle yourself."

"Dear God is that true. You don't have any idea how crazy you make me in Math class. Then especially, cause you get really focused and will hum a little which is like a whole performance for the whole class."

"The whole class can hear me sing?" I said in horror.

"You practically put on a live show for us."

"I know where this is going?"

"What can I say Logie, you've given that pencil many happy days. I think it's scene more action than me," Kendall said chuckling, but I was humiliated. Everyone heard me sing. And do that. I'm surprised I haven't gotten made fun of for those things.

"Awe, don't look so sad Bam Bam," Kendall said as we pulled into my drive-way, next to Samantha's car, "The football team seems to enjoy your little tick, and I think a few girls are gonna ask you for lessons soon, unless they already have. I've been gone for a while remember." He ran over to my side of the car and swiftly opened the door like a gentlemen before I pulled out my keys and unlocked the door to see Camille and Carlos on the couch watching a Romantic Movie together with popcorn.

"Hey Guys," Carlos shouted a little too loud.

"It's date night I see," Kendall said quickly.

"Ha,Ha," Carlos mocked sarcastically, "you're a real comedian. We rented a movie so we could catch up on what everyone is talking about. It's actually really good, wanna watch."

This time I interjected, "No, I came to see Jo, were is she."

"She's waiting for you," Camille finally spoke up, breaking her attention from the movie, "She said that she's through packing and Samantha is as well, she wants to see you as soon as you get here, and you are so go so we can watch the movie." Camille threw some popcorn at us and I dodged it before rushing off to my room. There she was, sitting on my bed crying while Samantha lay asleep on the one opposite it.

"Hey, *sob* Bambi," she said, "Watchu doin here."

"I'm here to see my best friend in the whole wide world for the last time!" I said, the tears welling in my eyes.

"Don't say that," she responded, "I'm gonna come back just to see you and we can call each other too."

"I know, but it won't be the same, not with you gone."

"Yes it will; You have the amazing Kendall and Camille has been dying to talk to you. And Carlos is a blast. You won't even notice I'm gone kiddo."

"Yes I will, because you mean the most to me in this life," I could see Kendall grimace a little before returning to his first expression again of just not caring.

"You know I love you," she finally spoke up again.

"I love you more," I said back.

"No, me more,"

"Uh –Ah, no me more," we giggled and did this for a long time and laughed and talked and had the time of our lives in just a few hours. Jo had made one of the biggest impacts on my life besides James and Kendall and it wouldn't be the same without her, it just couldn't. Kendall ended up falling asleep on the floor and I brought a blanket down on him and put a pillow under his head. I don't know how, but he totally slept through the whole thing. He continued to amaze me every day. "Why don't you just sleep with me tonight, for our last night together." She gave me that smile before crawling into bed next to me and as usually, I cuddled her which she thought was hilarious. We both fell asleep by one, but it didn't matter. It was our last night together, we could go to bed at four.

I woke up in the morning to Kendall's face right in front of mine, he's arm around me. We were still at my house, but Jo was gone and so was Samantha. I was desperate to find out the time to see if I could catch up to them, but of course it was too late. It was nine in the morning. I shifted a little, forcing the beautiful blonde haired boy to moan in his sleep and grin. When he got closer I figured out why; Kendall was having naughty dreams. Of course he would. We're talking about Kendall Knight, horny straight, gay boy. It was so hard to classify him, just like his Closet/Kitchen. I tried moving again and I got far away enough to grab a letter Jo left on our shared nightstand. It read as so:

"_Dear Bambi, _

_I realized as we were talking last night that you were right; you do mean the most to me in this life because you're the first friend I've ever had to accept me. You loved me and took care of me and no matter what happened, those good things will always be my memory of us. God, I'm writing this like we're dating, but I just don't know any other way. How can you love someone so much without lust and so on; I'm still figuring everything out myself. But, I won't ever forget about you and you have to call or I'll come back down to kick Kendall's ass because I know how to get to you through guilt. I'm super excited though to move to a town where there is an actual pride parade. It's crazy cool to think about it, but I know it's nothing new to you. You lived the glamorous life in L.A.; you've probably been marching since you were two,"_ (I had; my mom had lots of gay friends), _"but it's finally my turn. It's important that you watch out for yourself, Kendall, Camille, and Carlos. It's not gonna get any easier since I've gone and you don't exactly have the thickest skin which isn't a bad thing, just the truth. Do well in school like you always do and try not to attract any more suitors with your, special abilities. I hear the captain of the football team totally wants to make you his bitch. Still, baggin a hockey player ain't bad at all. Especially Kendall Knight. And I hope you know that all James would want would you to be happy, so don't feel so guilty about learning to love again, even if it was so fast. You're the most special person I know and you deserve every ounce of love that Eyebrows can give you and he's probably pourin that shit on you like syrup. And don't you dare go back to L.A. without me because the time of my life was going with you there for New Years. When you go get super famous and get a TV show and a number one album, I better be with you all the way. Cause I'll still beat the crap out of Kendall and you totally know I could. I can already see it now, 'For one night only, Logan Mitchell performing his new hit single, Worldwide.' Like that last one, I through in a title just for you cause I know you'll be a freakin phenomenon of hotness. You are the most beautiful guy I've ever meet; you'll be running from those crazy fan girls at a mile-a-minute. And maybe I could sing back-up vocals on a track before going off into my own career as a singer/actress. Still, we'll be the best friends ruling the world. And you'll still have to dress me cause I don't have all that great of a fashion sense, but you make a great nurse, so your ambition of being a doctor if you don't get famous is totally on track. Or a porn star, because I can hear you moan at night sometimes and It's like watching some porno. Plus the looks thing again. And if you're a porn star, I wanna be the pizza girl who totally gets to watch and the dude your doing it with. Knowin you, it'd be hot. Still, I love you Logie. No matter what you do or who you are, I absolutely love you. Tell everyone there that I love them too and kiss Camille for me. I always wanted to do it and see how she'd react._

_ Your favorite Lesbian who is totally in Love with You,_

_ Josephine 'Jo' Taylor"_

Kendall was rocking my side to side from behind as I finished the letter and the tears rolled down my cheeks again. How many times could freaking letters make me cry.

**Author's Note: So this is not the big thing to happen, but I loved my Jo character and felt I didn't have enough time to keep her heavily in the story like she was at first, so I decided to give her a happy ending for a while until we got closer to the official end. She'll be back. Promise. Love Ya. XoXo.**


	18. Chapter 18

_2 weeks later_

Thank God it's finally March; I thought it'd never come and to be honest, I wasn't really sure why. February was a pretty crappy month for me this year, and about the only good thing to happen was Kendall coming back. The Month started with a Play. I spent Valentine's Day at the love of my life's funeral. Fell in love a few days after and felt guilty about it. Jo left about a week ago and then there is now. I think the main reason I was excited was because I was starting back at school after what happened with James. I had been kind of going when I felt like it, but I was back full time and I know it's super dorky, but I was giddy. I liked school; it was my place to be the leader of the pack. It was the place where people really wanted me and when is that a bad thing. I would get to go to choir again and theatre and even though without Ja- him, it would be different, I think I was finally ready to handle it. I had Kendall by my side and Camille and Carlos had become an unstoppable duo of oxymoron's. Two very opposite people that absolutely loved to hang out together and tease each other and have fun. They were like the new Joe and I and I felt good for them, even if I was slightly lonely now. I'd made a habit as soon as she left to call her every night and she was enjoying school in the new town because she had finally found a total group to fit in with and be herself. I told her that I was a little scared to go back, but happy, which she laughed at and called me a nerd. I freakin loved that girl. But right now, I have to rush to get ready for school to catch the bus, which wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't so nervous. Camille walked in while I was digging in my closet and laughed when she saw me so torn up about a simple outfit.

"You okay Bambi," she grinned, "You look like you're about to cry over which one to wear."

"I just want it all to work today," I responded, still thinking about the shirt over shirt or the jean vest with a black long sleeve outfit. This wasn't going to be easy.

"Look, you're making this a bigger deal than it is," she said as she walked up and looked at the two outfits I had sat out. "I'll pick while you work on your hair, which you really need to start soon cause you slept hard on it." I laughed nervously before taking the comb and brush with a water spritzer and working on doing my do. It was a little weird, but I felt like at this point, it was a trademark of me, like the chain I liked to wear like my dad. What these Minnesota kids must think of me. I finally had it good when Camille rushed over with her choice, a simple white, long sleeve, button-up shirt with a black vest and my black skinny jeans with my supra shoes that were black to go with the ensemble. I stripped down as fast as I could to get it on while Camille started to hairspray my hair into place. Oh how I was beginning to love this girl. Nothing better than a friend who'll hold your hair, or spray it together. Finally, after a record time of twenty minutes, I was ready and apparently, so was Camille.

"You're gonna wear that," I said, a little to snarky for my own good.

"Got a problem with that," she said, pursing her lips together.

"No, It's just a little Goth for your normal style, that's all," I said, examining the simple black dress with black stockings and black boots with the black, fingerless gloves.

"Sometimes, you can totally Queen out on me, you know that right," she said laughing, "it makes sense you grew up in L.A."

"That's not an answer," I stated simply.

"Fine, Carlos and I are going with a Goth theme together today, but I'm waiting to see if he does heavy eye-liner. If he does, I'll just do it at school."

"Why are you guys doing that," I asked as we climbed into Camille's small, electric blue Honda.

"I forget you haven't been to school lately, but Ms. Wainright got another play ready to replace Romeo and Julian since the incident. I'm going out for the main character."

"What's this one called exactly, because I don't know any plays about Goth kids that are classics?"

"It's called 'Scene Kids' to be exact, and that's why I'm putting these different streak extensions in my hair," she said, pulling into a stop light and attaching the extension, "Are you just gonna sit and watch or help?" Immediately, I took the highlights from her hand and started putting them in, giving a little space between each to let her naturally dark hair show. It was a little harder on the other side of her head, but I was committed to doing this. I mean she spent her morning dressing me, it was the least I could do.

"You know, you really like getting into character don't you," I said as we pulled into the school parking lot, "You acted like a Kardashian right until the first play and now this."

"I'm a method actress Bambi," she stated back, putting her nose in the air like she had said something exquisitely important to life in general. "When you go to Hollywood and become super famous, I plan to be too, but I won't ride your coattails. I plan to do it all on my own." We both got out of the car as fast as we could and I helped adjust some of the extensions I hadn't done my best on. She was like my little Goth baby; I was so proud for some weird reason. Carlos ran up with a huge pink streak in the middle of his hair and was wearing a black, skin-tight tank top with big black bracelets, blue gloves, black skin tight jeans and combat boots, but the real kicker was the gallons of eye-liner he had on. I had no idea he had joined theatre too, but dear God, I barely had any idea what was going on at all today. He ran up to Camille and they started jumping up and down at the geniusness of their outfits which made me laugh a little. Kendall came up behind me and put his arms around me waist before kissing me on the cheek, which made me blush. This time it was Carlos laughing at me while applying Camille's eyeliner. When had my friends become so interesting? And gotten seemingly recast.

"Hey Logie-bear," Kendall started, still behind me, "miss me."

"Last night was our first night apart," I said, turning to his chest as he gripped me tighter.

"Yeah, and it felt like hell," he whined, planting kisses on my forehead, "come on, stay over at my place, or I'll stay at yours, but we can't just separate. Not when we're an old married couple all of the time. We're even sexless. We're more married than most of the people in this town." He could always make me laugh when I was trying not to and boy was that obnoxious. We all started to walk in before that joy faded.

"Hey, Fag boy's back," one person yelled.

"Who's the new Boy-toy, Kurt," another person said.

"Kendall and Logan fucking in a true, f-u-c-k-i-n-g.."

These kind of taunts rang threw the hall as Kendall carefully walked me through to my locker, which someone had vandalized with a big penis on it. I decided to ignore it and just go on with my day when a person I didn't really recognize or talked to walked up to me. At first I thought it was Kendall, but when I looked across the room, he was still at his locker, getting his books.

"Hey, Bambi," the tall boy started, "Watcha doin back already. I thought you just lost a boyfriend."

"Um, hi," I looked down, embarrassed at what to say next, "what exactly is your name again?"

"You don't recognize the Captain of the football team," he said, "Dak, you know Dak Seavon, number 77." I just shook my head and gave him a smile while still getting my books. "Look, that's not the point, I know you just lost your boyfriend and wanted to know if you were free sometime, maybe we could hook-up. I saw the pic of you and Ken over there and it was pretty frickin hot. I wanted to know if you'd come over and reenact it with me. I know you like acting." He said it so smugly I wanted to punch him, but he was getting to close even for that. "I could give you exactly what you need," he said, just an inch from my ear, "I could punish you like you like."

"I'd prefer to not get punished," I said coyly back, waiting for Kendall to arrive and get him to back off. Kendall might have stopped homophobic bullying, but I was pretty sure he'd beat the crap out of Dak if he got any closer.

"Oh, I think you would," he responded and grabbed my ass before walking away a little. "Hey, This is yours," he said, tossing a lollipop at me which I somehow caught, "if you get nervous in Math again, go ahead and use it. I won't mind at all." He said as he turned and finally walked away, leaving me bright red. He went and high-fived a few of the other football players before walking to class. What a giant jerk. I had all my books and walked up to Kendall's locker, upset in general when he slammed it shut and turned to me.

"You okay Logie," Kendall started, "You look a little shaken up."

"The captain of the football team just hit on me and then felt me up," I said, still glaring, "what a pervert. And then he gave me this sucker and told me to use it during math. I don't get nervous in math."

"Yes you do honey," Kendall said back chuckling, "That's when you do your best work on the pencil, oh and the things you've done to that dry-erase marker. Unspeakable."

"Well, I think it's highly inappropriate for everyone to be watching and enjoying so much of a habit of mine," I said back, turning around to start walking to my first period math, just starting to get the joke.

"Well, I'll beat him up later for it if it makes you feel better, but I bet he felt your ass-up because it's perfect for that kinda shit. You're built like a little model. For a nerd, I still don't know how you stay as slightly toned as you do." He felt my bottom up, which was still a very bizarre feeling, but it was Kendall's to do. We walked into Math and Kendall took the seat next to were Joe usually was and looked at the black board. This was going to be a difficult day for everyone, but of course not for me. Cause I don't care what anyone says, I don't get nervous in this class. This is my best subject. The teacher started the lesson and I got lost in the material, more than usual and before I knew it, I was awoken from my equation filled trance to Kendall's hand. He pointed to the pencil eraser tip that was in my mouth, nearing the back of my throat. Nasty habit. But then I realized what he was really pointing out to me. My eyes grew wide when I looked at the whole class whose eyes were fixated on me and my actions. I would have blushed, but I remembered the lollipop in my pocket that the Football captain had given me. If this is what I did when I got in the zone, well so be it. I undid the wrap and put it in my mouth before getting back to the books and after hearing a soft moan, I realized I was putting on a show again.

**Author's Note: I don't know why, but I like putting these at the bottom like a little commentary for you to understand what I wrote. My writing usually reflects my mood and right now, I'm feeling pretty good, especially cause I just got back from going out with friends and was inspired. Not really by them, but just inspiration if general. Anyway, I know lately I've been focusing on Logan's naughy tendency, but I enjoy thinking that such a perfect little smarty could have a few sexual deviancies' he doesn't even know about. It's a delicious thought for me. Anyway, I'll probably be writing a little more fluff than usual to build up for the grand finally that will come in a few chapters. Just put up with the lovey-doveyness cause soon, shit's totally going to go down. And it's gonna be a total game-changer. P.S., I noticed that people dedicate chapters, so I'm going to dedicate this to someone whose so awesome and constantly reviews, TheClaire24. I'm gonna make dedications regular, so I hope to get everyone. Luv Ya. XoXo**


	19. Chapter 19

The day was long, but I enjoyed it, down to the homework which Kendall came over to do with me, but he had other intentions than just doing school work.

"Hey, Logie Bear, you know I don't ask that much of you," he started while lying on the bed next to me with our books out.

"I cleaned your whole apartment the other day Kendall," I retorted, a little frustrated cause I really just wanted to do this.

"You asked to do that, I never did Bambi," he said, laying it on thick, "but I wanted to know if maybe I could stay over here a few nights so we wouldn't have to be apart. I could take you to and from school, that wouldn't be a problem."

"I have different clubs and activities than you do," I stated simply, trying to focus on my studies, "And you have Hockey you want to do with friends. I'd hate to intrude on that."

"You're my Boyfriend, it's not intrusion," he said, still staring at me, "but I get the feeling you don't want me too. How come?"

"It's just," I stuttered a little, "When your around, I always feel like, well, I mean, I feel a lot of pressure to get intimate with you and I'm not ready for that. Not at all."

"You're worried that you have to have sex sugar?" he said, giving me a quirked eyebrow.

"Um, yeah, kind of."

"What makes you think we have to have sex Logie."

"Nothing, it's just, I get kind of nervous about it."

"Why, we've done it before."

"Because I don't exactly remember my first time as clearly as you do; I was so drunk that night that it's all just a hazy blur of moans and ecstasy for me, but I don't have a clear picture of what I did to make it that way and so it scares me."

"You're trying to tell me that you're scared to have me over because you're worried that if we do it again, you won't be able to fulfill my needs."

"Well, when you put it like that, it sounds absolutely ridiculous, but, it just scares me."

"Look Logie, I would never force anything on you that you said you weren't ready for; I love you too much to do that. When the time comes and we're both sober and the passion's there, it'll happen, but for now, there's no pressure. I don't want to screw this up with you over a bone once in the while."

"Okay. You can stay over tonight, but if I act a little strange, don't get to angry with me. Sleeping with you on the weekends is much different than the week. I have, traditions." It was hard to explain, but during the week, sleep was sacred to me. My whole life, my family told me that true success came from education and so I studied hard and cared about school, even though my dream is to be a singer. If I'm going to do that, I don't want to be one of those Hollywood air heads; I want to be my own thing with no one else trying to stand in my way. So I took sleep serious and I knew Kendall well enough that that would be a challenge. He was - what do you say – rowdy at night, especially cause he thought he was hilarious right before he went to bed. I just don't have the heart to tell him otherwise. But I loved him and I could do this, if for anything just to make him happy.

"I don't give a damn what - traditions – you have Sugar, I just want to be with you, that's all I need," he said with a grin before kissing my cheek. I smiled a little, but still didn't look at him cause I was just starting to focus on the work again, and it was important. I had missed a lot of school lately and I couldn't fall behind; it just doesn't happen to me and I refuse to let this be my first time. He giggled a little to see my focus before shutting a few of his books and opening up a small novel. "What, I don't have to catch up like you do. I'm almost done, but you may want to keep working since you seem to have the ambition to finish tonight." I rolled my eyes when he said this because to be honest, I wasn't paying that much attention in the first place, but he's really loud when he slams his books. After an hour, Camille came in to get Kendall and I for dinner, but he met her at the door before she could say anything and shut it. I could kind of hear him say that I was studying really hard and to not bother me. She said something about dinner. Kendall said something about taking care of it. I really wasn't sure, but I knew I wasn't stopping for dinner. I was almost finished with all of Math and I was moving onto English/Lit which would be super quick. And luckily (I don't know how, maybe I was excused and they had decided not to tell me) I didn't miss any tests so, as soon as I finished catching up on the material, I was done and back with the rest of the class. And I know it's a little dorky, but that excited me. Plus, it meant I could focus on my extra-curriculars that I was ignoring; I wasn't exactly ready to star in a new play (maybe I'm getting ahead of myself), but I really do want to help in it. After even more time of working, bye nine o'clock I was done. I got out of bed quickly and stretched before running out of my door and into the kitchen. Everyone was done. Good, so I could make myself something and not have to explain why I seemed like a total bitch and ignored everyone during dinner. Immediately, I ran into the kitchen grabbing the supplies to make a sandwich and doing it as fast as I could because I was starving. I grabbed a diet coke and went back to the table alone, happy to just be ready to move on with school and not having to explain why I couldn't take tests. I loathed that most when I missed class because it just felt wrong for me. Now I could do anything. Anything but not choke at the site of Kendall. He looked absolutely amazing. He had just run back in the door as quietly as he could, but I had caught him before he could sneak onto the couch like nothing happened. I don't know why he thought he could get away with that either, I mean he was all sweaty and shirtless, and to my knowledge, that wasn't normal.

"Hey Kendall," I said as I took my last bite, startling him from his secretive haze.

"Oh, hey bunny," he said, coming towards me as I stood up to put my plate away. I was really hungry and the sight of Kendall all, Sporty and everything, caused me to kind of swallow the rest of it. He followed me back to the sink and as I started to wash the plate he, came up behind me and lightly started kissing my neck.

"Hey Adonis, why so frisky?" I tried to act like it wasn't hot, but I couldn't lie, it was great.

"I was at the hockey rink with Carlos," he whispered into my skin, "thinking about you the whole time."

"Didn't we have a talk about this earlier today Kendall," I said, turning into his wet chest as he pushed me harder into the sink. It was like some cheesy erotic film and I would not have sex on a counter; that was final.

"Yeah, but just the sight of you makes me all, tingly. Just let me enjoy this," he said, lightly sucking on my neck as I tilted me head and shut my eyes. His teeth started to make contact with the skin and I was dying not to laugh about fantasizing about Edward Cullen. I had a bit of a thing for Vampires after Twilight, and this was my first experience with this. He held me into place at my hips, biting my skin for a long time before I heard footsteps.

"Should we trust you two alone," Camille said chuckling as she came up to the sink with a glass, "or will we have to put a chastity belt on you."Kendall pulled off of my throat and looked back at her, slightly glaring, but killing it as soon as it came out. It seemed like tonight might turn into a long night and all I wanted to do was wind down to sleep. I never stayed up this late on a weeknight and so I was starting to get a little drowsy. My body alarm clock had that effect.

"I promise to be good," he said back with a grin, "But he just looked so cute at the table eating. I couldn't resist."

"That's the gayest thing I've heard all day," Camille said back, still smiling, "and I've spent the whole day with Carlos in Makeup. But, uh, Logan, you may want to go check your neck. You look like you've got a hickey."

"What's a hickey," I responded, my gaze as wide as I could make it because I was kind of nervous.

"Why don't you go see and find out," she said back laughing a little, "I'm sure Kendall would love to explain it to you."I ran to the bathroom as fast as I could with Kendall in tow as I swung in front of the mirror. From the way she was staring at me, I had a bad feeling at what it could be. I almost died when I saw it. A big, purple bruise on my neck; I started pawing at it, thinking that I could wipe it off, but to no avail. I was stuck with this hideous mark on my body and then I started to worry. My mom could think something happened or something like that. I was really nervous and just feigning for something to take my mind off of it. Then Kendall walked in, all shirtless and godly, laughing as I looked distressed and was breathing heavy. I had warned him about this kind of thing, and now look.

"Logie-Bear, you okay," he said, slowly coming towards me as I pursed my lips back at him, "you know you're cute when you're angry cause you have that super innocent look in your eyes."

"People are gonna think you hurt me," I said, still looking away.

"Over a hickey," he said quirking an eyebrow, "You're kidding right Bambi. Wait a second, you are kidding, right," he gave me that look that says 'are you serious?' and I knew I'd have to explain.

"James was my only boyfriend before you and, we never went deeper than a few passionate kisses here and there and from time to time, he would spoon with me, but that was it. To be honest, I really wanted to experience sex again after what happened the first time and thought that if it was with a different person, maybe it wouldn't be awkward. He was a fresh slate with me, but he always said no to my advances when I'd stay over at his house. He was a Romantic, I was a Romantic. So you having all this sexual tension is new for me.

He laughed a little before licking his lips, "So you're telling me that you tried to get all slutty with James, but with me your Mister Chastity. Am I not pretty enough."

"Kendall, don't go there," I said, still looking down, but this time I decided to sit on the bathroom sink so I could have some support. "That's a very sensitive topic for me. He was all I had when you left me here. And I just wanted to experience it again to learn what it was." He just wasn't taking this seriously.

"Am I not pretty enough," he said with a grin, "Or is it that I'm not a brunette." It was all starting to haunt me again; I needed Kendall to stop, to shut up.

"Please Kendall, I just don't want to talk about it anymore," I said, looking up and jumping off the Bathroom counter and starting to go towards the bedroom.

"I look pretty hot right now," he said, giggling this time, "What, I'm just trying to be vain incase you're into that." I couldn't take it any longer; I pushed him out of the way and jumped into my bed, tears forming as I hid my face under a pillow. Quickly he followed, but it was too late, he had done the damage, "Look Logan, I'm sorry, I was just kid-."

"No," I said in a soft voice, still hiding my face, "I treated James like shit because of how I felt about you and all he did was love me for it and as soon as I finally got over you and started to love him, he was taken away from me. Do you know what that's like to have someone that you have true, passionate love for snatched away from you for no good reason besides bigotry? And the worst part was, it's all my fault. I provoked the guys who killed him, and every day I wake up and have to deal with the fact that I stole someone away from this world who was beautiful and talented and caring. It makes it ten times harder to love you and even then, I'm not always convinced I'm ready. But you know what, it's your love; that care that you give me every single day that keeps me alive. Because, as soon as James died, I had made the decision to kill myself. I had made the decision to take my life right after the funeral just so no one else would suffer because of me and then you came along and screwed up all of my plans. You proved to me that I could live again. That I couldn't give up just cause of loss. And that's why it hurts so bad to talk about James. The things I did to him weren't fair, and yet he loved me like I was the greatest thing to ever happen in his life. And now I treat his memory like shit for loving you more than I could have ever loved him. That's why 'sorry' isn't enough." Kendall stared at me with eyes of glass before I finished.

"I don't know what to say," he said simply.

"Don't say anything. Just leave. Leave me alone to think," it hurt me to say this cause I knew I didn't mean it, but it hurt me more when he followed directions. He walked out the door quietly and didn't come back for the rest of the night. For a long time I expected him and just sat and watched the door until finally, I wiped my tears and laid down. I didn't turn the light off or change, I just fell asleep and I had that nightmare that I had every night I felt lonely. It was the nightmare I had my first night with Kendall, when I read the letter and was so conflicted on how to feel on everything. The nightmare was simply this, it was the fight they had the day after the party. The one in the mall where they were fighting over me, but in this dream reality, it ended differently. I hadn't come up with the idea to save James and Kendall and Kendall ended up stabbing James straight in the chest. And then James was gone and Kendall was taken away for murder and I had no one left. Jo was gone. Camille was gone. Everyone was gone but myself, and that really scared me. I woke up in a sweat like I always did during this nightmare, right before James is being buried. I stood up to clear my head; its obvious tomorrow is going to be a hard day for me. After a little pacing and changing into what I normally sleep in, I walked out of the room to go get a glass of water and that's when I almost tripped. I was a little flustered at first, but then I became frightened when the figure started to move. Kendall looked up at me from where he was asleep next to my door. I looked down and realized that it didn't matter what he said or did because I needed him at every moment. I had never shared those feelings with him, how could I blame him for just trying to lighten the mood of the situation. Yeah, he took it too far, but for some reason he always does that when he starts joking around at night. It was part of his charm.

**Author's Note: I'm going to start Chapter 20 directly after this because originally, the opening to that chapter was part of this, but in the end, I decided to separate them to be able to focus on the story a little I decided to post both today even though I barely finished it, and i'm going to do that at the normal time with the dedication. I just couldn't stand the idea of one without the other. Weird right. Luv Ya. XoXo**


	20. Chapter 20

"Logan," he said in a sleepy voice, "you doin okay Sugar," still waking up a little.

"Not without you Kendall," I responded, planning to explain myself, but instead he cut me off.

"I hope you know that I regret the moment I hurt you more than anything right now. The only thing I regret more is the first time I did it. I'll do anything you want just so you're happy and if that means you want me to go away forever, then I will. As long as I know that you'll be okay, I'd do absolutely anything, but I refuse to let you hurt yourself. You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and it hurts when you hurt. I'm not asking for forgiveness, I just want you happy."

"Kendall, you're what I want; I can't stand when you're not with me all the time. I should have confessed those feeling to you earlier; you were just teasing a little, something we both do. But now, I just want you back."

"This isn't your fault and you can't pin it on yourself; I screwed up being an ass and I'm going to repay you anyway I can." Kendall said it solemnly as he stood up to finally face me.

"Well, you can repay me by coming back to bed with me," I said, smiling a little now, "because I just can't seem to sleep without your touch tonight." He laughed a little before responding sarcastically:

"If I must." We both giggled as I dragged him back in the room, forgetting the water completely, and going back to bed with Kendall. As soon as he got in and put those arms that I loved so much around me, I fell straight to sleep. No nightmares to haunt me anymore because I had his protection. At this point, I don't think I couldn't live without him.

_1 week later_

Kendall and I didn't fight much after that, but he didn't walk on egg shells with me, which made me happy cause the only thing worse than no Kendall would be fake Kendall. On the week days he slept over at my house and on the weekends I went over and stayed with him at his apartment, but we were never apart anymore. It seemed forbidden and I liked that. The next day, he proudly showed me off with my new hickey which got stares, but the taunts were over, especially cause he had beat up a few kids who'd been teasing me the day before. And boy was one of those very, very gratifying, because guess who decided to hit on me again.

I felt a hand on my ass and at first, I thought it was Kendall, but I felt very unfamiliar breath on my neck and I bit my bottom lip out of frustration. I thought he would just go away, but I guess that was too much to ask.

"I really liked what you did with that little treat I gave you Logan," Dak's breath was heavy and he was a little too close, but I was trapped. "I just have one request, next time, make that me; it doesn't have to go deeper than that. I don't think I'm asking that much of you. I don't want to date you, and I'm not gonna screw with Kendall, I just need some … stress relief." He was putting his hands on my hips when I finally spoke.

"Yeah, no thanks," I tried to say it without my voice cracking, but this was difficult, "I like to bite into my suckers when I'm finished. That's my stress relief." I thought maybe that would scare him and of course, it didn't

"I love when you talk dirt to me like that," he kissed me behind my ear, forcing my skin to crawl, "I just wished there was a little less clothing involved with that."

"You know Kendall's going to freak if he sees you," I said, maintaining as much resolve as I could, even when I heard the late bell ring.

"I doubt he'll be walking by anytime soon Lollipop; how about one good lick," he smiled when I felt a hand leave my hip and I heard a zipper. That's when panic set in.

"Look, no I don't want to do this, I'm taken and I swear, if you try to force anything on me, I'll tell Kendall, and he'll, he'll," I just, I just couldn't think, too much was happening and I was so stressed and everything kept rushing forward.

"He'll do what," Dak said, "He'll hurt me, doubt it, he's just as scared of me as you are." He spun me around to face him and immediately, he started to attack my neck while I just did everything in my power not to cry. Why did frickin stuff like this happen to me?

"What will you do if I don't," I tried to sound powerful, but it came out a scared, squeaky mess.

"I'll make sure that your precious Drama Club gets its entire funding cut and you know what, I'll one up you, I'll make sure Ms. Wainright is fired. My dad's the Principal Lolli, I have a lot of power to make you do it."

"So, I don't care about drama," Kendall mattered more to me than that.

"I'll also get Mr. Knight kicked off of his hockey team." He gave me a blank stare. And I'd have to give in. Kendall adored his hockey and I couldn't take that from him. I'd have to eat my pride and do this; no one would ever have to know about it and I sure as hell wouldn't be say anything. I'd just do what he wanted and live with it. So I took his hand and he gave me a devious grin before taking my hand and leading me into the bathroom at the end of the hall. So this was all real. Great.

"This one'll do, and it only looks like one person's in her and I'm sure that they'll know to leave as soon as they here those beautiful noises leave that pretty little throat of yours, now," he pulled his dick out and instantly I bared my teeth in disgust. This wasn't going well so far, "Now, come on, use that beautiful gift you have and make me moan. I know you can, if you need to get nervous, think about Kendall. He'll get thrown off the team if you don't help me, it's just how it's gotta work."

"Please, I really don't want to, can't we work something else out."

"Maybe another time, but now, I really need this," he started to thrust upwards at me and I gave up. I was doing this for Kendall and so, I grabbed the hard member in front of me and just, shoved it in. And I did my best to pretend it wasn't what it was, even with all of Dak's loud, loud, moaning.

"Oh yeah baby, right there, you got it, you make me feel just right when you do that," then I heard a flush and got instantly embarrassed. Someone was hearing me give a blow-job and it was just so, so, so embarrassing. How could this be happening? And boy did he have stamina because every time I thought he would just climax and get it over with, of course, it was just another throaty moan. "OOOH! That's the spot." When he started to put his hands through my hair, I was so upset I just wanted to break it off.

After the longest time of working on his, thing, he finally started to talk again, "Oh LOLLIPOP, YEAH, YEAH KENDALL'S SAFE, BUT YOU AREN'T, I THINK I'M GOING TO CA … C.. CUM!," and then he exploded all over my face. I just wanted to die and it was still in my mouth and I started to cry when I heard him yell, "Fuck, you just bit me." He pulled out after he said it when full on tears started and then I felt his knee hit my chin. "I should, I should" and then the door swung open and he almost fell.

"What the hell did you just do to my Boyfriend," I heard Kendall yell while I sat on my knees, still crying hard.

"He asked for it, he wanted it and I just gave him what he requested," Dak smiled again at a furious Kendall, "That's what you're supposed to do, make him happy. You should be happy with me."

Kendall looked back at me before picking up Dak a little, "Does he look. Happy." He barred his teeth in his face while pointing at me on the floor in tears.

"Eh, guess I'm just that good," the football captain laughed a little at that one and then I heard a snap when I saw Kendall punch him hard in the face. Dak hit the wall hard before he turned to face Kendall again, "It's not like you didn't do the exact same to him too," he said, adjusting his nose a little before coming back at Kendall, "We all know he ran away from you crying too." Kendall dove at Dak, but he moved in time before he could land his attack and Kendall almost lost his balance, but not before swiping at the foot ball captain's knees. Then a thud happened and Dak hit the ground hard with Kendall on top of him.

"Don't. *Punch*

Ever *Punch*

Touch *Punch*

My *Punch*

Sugar *Puch*

Again *Punch* *Spit*"

He got off of a bleeding Dak before standing up and helping me up, sticky liquid covering my face and mouth a little while tears rolled. "Are you okay Logie," he started to pet my hair before stopping to look at the foot ball captain on the ground. He stepped on his arm, eliciting a cry before kicking him in the chin and walking me to the sink. "Let's clean you up." Kendall grabbed a few paper towels and got them ready to clean my face as best he could. The tortured look in his eyes said a lot. "Here, Bunny," he made a cup with his hands and put the water up to my mouth, "Take a drink, let's get all of that nastiness out of you." Immediately, I sipped it up and spat out the little bit of goop left in my throat. "Why don't we go home." So, Kendall, putting me all back together the best he could, walked me out of the school in the middle of the day and took me home were we did what we always did; slept the day away.

But the real retaliation would come the next day. Dak was waiting by my locker with a scowl and a few bruises when Kendall walked me to it.

"I'm going to make you pay," he said, still not looking at either of us, "you shouldn't have done that yesterday."

I looked up, "I gave you what you wanted yesterday, that wasn't enough."

"You bit me and even though I'm fine down there, you'll pay. Kenny beat the crap out of me, so deals off." He said it just as pissed as he did the first thing while Kendall did the exact same thing in the opposite direction. Was I the only rational one of us all. "But I will admit, that was the best BJ of my life, better than every cheerleader, and drill team leader, and -." Kendall punched him in the gut, forcing him off his balance and then kicked him in the ankles, forcing him on the ground. He got back on top of him like the day before, but this time, he didn't hit him, he went for that spot in his boot that terrified me. That haunted my very dreams.

"Kendall, wait," I tried to say it, but he didn't move other than to bring the knife closer, "Please, don't, don't do this, I'm okay."

"Don't worry Bambi," he replied, never looking back, "I'm not going to kill em, just teach him a lesson. I know how much you love to teach." He brought the blade against Dak's shirt, before swiftly cutting down it, making it fall away in two pieces. "Ever. Touch. Him again. I swear I'm going much deeper than your clothes." He made one last slash and cut Dak a little, but it barely bled, still he couldn't open his eyes he was so fearful. After that, he kicked him in the crotch, forcing him to clench his teeth.

"Fuck off scum-bag, or I'll beat your ass again and next time, I'll crush you're dick." Kendall pulled me close before grabbing a few books out of my locker(of course none of them the ones I needed) and walking away with me by his side. And I didn't even show any fear this time. That's just how awesome Kendall was for me. And no one fucked with Kendall, or me, again.

**Author's Note: This isn't the big thing, because the big thing still has a few chapters, but I decided to add this after reading a few reviews for the last few chapters. Originally, this one and 21 was one giant mega-chapter, but I felt that I should split it to do them both justice. It was hard to write Logan being Semi-tricked, Semi-raped, Semi-coerced and all pissed, but I like the end direction it went with. And Dak totally deserved all that happened to him. So I dedicate this chapter to someone who totally got me to re-write everything I already have done (I'm almost finished writing the rest of the chapters for the story, so it wasn't easy) because she gave me such a great idea and got me to post twice in a day which isn't that unusual for me, but isn't easy either because it makes me seem so obsessed (which my boyfriend makes fun of me for). So this chapter's for you gleechild, I hope it was up to par with your expectations. Also, sorry if my last note was really messy and made no sense, but I had decided to add it like three minutes before I did and was fixing it at the last second. Luv Ya. XoXo**


	21. Chapter 21

Dak didn't bother Kendall, or me, again after that incident in the hallway and somehow, neither of us got expelled for beating up the Principals son. Not like I was scared during it, but that was because Kendall was by my side. But now, with Kendall watching me from the seats in the theatre, I was scared.

"Don't you have Hockey or something today," I was desperately trying to get him to not come to the audition, but of course he persisted.

"I cancelled all my other things today just to come be with you, plus I haven't seen you act yet. It'll be a great experience for me to get to know you better," he was pleading at this point and I wasn't cruel enough to reject him that. Instead I would just have to suck it up and put up with him being there; it couldn't be that bad. That's right about when Misses Wainright marched in a flurry with papers and so on.

"I know you all know how much a hit 'Romeo and Julian' was, but I decided out of respect for the actors to cancel it instead of try to recast. Instead, we'll be performing a new play that Jenny and Jennifer wrote together. I'm sure you've heard about it and certain members of our group have tried to audition before I announced it, but I was waiting for Logan to get back before starting the new project." I heard Kendall clap in the background which made me blush, but Carlos and Camille took my mind off of it when they decided to move over by me; friends could make such a difference. Mrs. Wainright continued, "The new play is called 'Scene Kid' and it's about a kid struggling to accept his identity by using sex, drugs and pain to forget. It sounds a little harsh to start out with, but I feel like it could be a great comeback to the incredible reviews we got with our first play this year. We have one month to get this ready because by May, you all will have other things to focus on and we need these accolades to keep the program going. We'll be all coming in every other day so that practice will go faster, and Camille and Carlos, no costumes." She walked back down into the rows and started to hand out scripts to each one of us so that we could start making choices on who to audition for. Jenny Tinkler pulled herself from the project as well as Jennifer so that they could focus on making their vision come true instead of being busy acting. Mrs. Wainright and them both set in the first row of the theatre when before instructing us to go backstage and get ready for auditions. I thought the character descriptions didn't help to portray the emotion of the scene, but it didn't matter because I wasn't going for a big role. I was more of a supporting role from what the script said, the friend of the main character who was a bi boy named Lucas. I was going for Vin. Camille was going for the other lead, but she was actually against a few people. Carlos and I were unrivaled but by each other and I had no intention of holding lead, that would be too difficult right now. The process started with the minor characters first and then up until I had to go. I wasn't nervous until I saw Kendall's face in the relatively empty seats and my stomach started doing flips.

"Go ahead Logan," Jenny said beaming, "I wrote this part thinking of you."

"But wait, Lucas, this isn't the way to go, you're stronger than this. We're stronger than this." I said, trying to convey the urgent emotion of the moment. 

"There's no us," Jennifer responded in a cold voice, "You were a drunken fling like all the rest were. The difference is, I have to deal with you longer."

"You swore to me that you loved me. You swore this wasn't how it would end. You can't just go back on that promise now. Not after all we've been through together."

"I make a lot of promises and you were just another one of the million shattered ones. You're a good lay, nothing else."

"No, No, you can't just leave me like this, like one of your other sluts, we've none each other longer than this. You loved me longer than this."

"I didn't love you. I didn't ever love you. Don't start throwing that word around when you barely know what that means. You don't know half the things that I've been through. -."

"But I was there with you through it all and I put up with every ounce of crap you could throw at me, and that's why I know I mean more than just a nice ass to you."

"You're kidding yourself if you think that I actually loved you. I used you because I needed a friend and you were desperate, just like last night. Get the fuck out."

"I don't understand, you just expect me to leave."

"No, I don't expect anything out of you cause I don't care."

"If you don't care than don't care about this. I know about what you did to Marianne's brother and I have every intention in this world to expose you for it."

"Scene," Ms. Wainright yelled as I felt my eyes turn to glass, "good job Logan, you showed the emotion well. Read through the script by next practice so we can work on chemistry with the other actors. NEXT!" I ran off the stage quickly to go sit with the other actors, but Kendall pulled me to the side were he was sitting.

"That was incredible Logie," he started with that trademark grin, "but this seems a little serious for a school play, I mean whores and murder, seems kind of deep."

"I think Kelly just likes to get in trouble," I responded, "because this is a lot for me. I'm a little worried about being able to pull off the emotions of the story, but I think it'll get attention and that's her real goal. She needs sponsors to help the program because the School has about written it off."

"If there is anyone that can pull this off, it's you Sugar. You're the most talented person I know; all I can do is play guitar."

"I love when you decide to flatter me; I've given up trying to stop it." I smiled when he lightly kissed me on the lips before breaking it quickly to see the wailing on the stage. Camille was crawling on the floor crying as Jennifer delivered the cold lines to her. That girl got way to into character.

_4 days later_

I was mumbling the script under my breath with Carlos sitting across the room, giving a huge dramatic performance on the bed across from mine when Kendall walked in with all his homework. Carlos drove me home today (I really need a car and a license) and so I didn't end up going to the Hockey rink like I usually did with him. Carlos would have gone if it were an actual practice, but he confessed that he hates when they just play for fun; he said Hockey was kind of stupid. It was nice forming a bond with him, but if he yelled his final line one last time, there'd be a murder in Jo's old bed. He had a big bag slung across his back, but I was so busy trying to get used to the feel of the script that I didn't really try to see what it was. Finally, I cracked and did my ultimate nervous ticks; I grabbed the lollipop I had gotten from the school shop and started to hum as I threw myself in the script. Slowly, I started to sing louder and then Kendall caught me, but not that I noticed. I didn't notice till he started to play the tune to the song I was hearing in my head.

"How did you know that that was what was on my mind," I said, putting the sucker to my cheek so I could actually talk.

"You were humming pretty loudly Logan," Carlos interjected, "even I could here."

"Well, don't stop," Kendall said, urging me on, "I think all of us need a break and I love the song you were humming. Do it for me; if you get scared, I'll sing with you."

I rolled my eyes, "Fine." And then I begun to sing:

I know a girl from a lonely street  
><span>Cold as ice cream, but still as sweet  
><span>Dry your eyes, Sunday girl  
><span>Hey, I saw your guy with a different girl  
><span>Looks like he's in another world  
><span>Run and hide, Sunday girl

_(Finally, Kendall joined in with me, still strumming the guitar)_

Hurry up, hurry up and wait  
><span>I stay away all week and still I wait  
><span>I got the blues, please come see  
><span>What your loving means to me

_(Then he soloed this part and I was quiet)_

She can't catch up with the working crowd  
><span>The weekend mood and she's feeling proud  
><span>Live in dreams, Sunday girl

_(I started and he got quiet)_

"Baby, I would like to go out tonight  
><span>If I go with you my folks'll get uptight"

_(He joined back in with me)  
><em>

Stay at home, Sunday girl  
><span>Oooh oooh oooh

_(Our Favorite part was the one in French and maybe it was because I had him keep it on replay in his car, but we knew ever word when we sang together)_

He, j'ai vu ton mec avec une autre fille  
><span>Il semblait dans un autre monde  
><span>Cours te cacher Sunday girl

Quand je t'ai revu l'e te j'ai de cide  
><span>Si ton amour e tait pareil au mien  
><span>Je pourrais e tre Sunday girl

De pe che-toi, de pe che-toi et attends  
><span>Toute la semaine absent et pourtant j'attends

J'ai le cafard, je t'en prie viens voir  
><span>Ce que ton amour repre sente pour moi

De pe che-toi, de pe che-toi et attends  
><span>Toute la semaine absent et pourtant j'attends

J'ai le cafard, je t'en prie viens voir  
><span>Ce que ton amour repre sente pour moi  
><span>

_(Carlos Crooned the next part which surprised us both)_

I got the blues

_(We all harmonized for the very end of the song)_

Hurry up, hurry up and wait

Hurry up,  
><span>Please come see, 

what you do to me

Kendall played the last note before we all looked at each other.

"I don't know about you guys, but that was a total rush," Kendall said, staring straight at me.

"Big Time," Carlos said back as he scooped his script back up and got back to practicing.

"And how about you over here, Mister Amazing, what do you think," Kendall said with a smirk as he quirked that signature eyebrow.

"It felt great to finally sing out loud, but I can't believe everyone knew that song so well," I was interrupted by someone in our doorway.

"Yeah, that was pretty freakin good," Camille said, biting into the apple in her hand, "You guys should really start a band."

I blushed to hear her say this. Maybe I did have the talent to live my dreams.

**Author's Note: So this Chapter was super hard for me to write and I don't know why, but I'm glad I got all that important stuff out of the way. The song I used for them to sing was 'Sunday Girl' by Blondie because I wrote this while listening to anything Debbie Harry I had. So obviously you see the direction that the story is going in, but I'm a little conflicted on whether to add another member to the band. I'll decide in due time, but all of what happened is very important because it starts the bowling process the story will go in until the big finally. Hope you enjoyed. Luv Ya. XoXo**


	22. Chapter 22

_1 week later_

I may have had the talent to live my dreams, but I realized quickly that the three of us together as a band was much better than just me. We had talent together, and I know I should have been working on the play, but I was busy working on my new found dream. A band. And it was clear that it had been on Kendall and Carlos's mind since we performed together because as soon as I asked if they wanted to try it, they both instantly agreed to it. So now here we were, a Saturday night at Kendall's apartment, which Carlos was impressed that I fixed up so well, but that wasn't the point. The point was to start to do what Garage Band types do who aren't metal and more than anything are just boy band material and that was totally right to me. I had a huge crush on the Jonas Brothers when they used to be big, so it'd always been a bit of a dream to be in a boy band.

"So, um, what do we do first," Carlos asked, "I've never really done something like this before." Kendall and I started to laugh when we heard him say this because it wasn't like we had been band hopping our whole lives. This was our first time too.

"Okay, okay, let's think," Kendall said, "What are some of our favorite bands like,-," before Kendall could finish his though, Carlos immediately started shouting out band names:

"_Tokyo Hotel_, _Hansen_, oooh ooh, there's _N'sync _and _Destiny's Child _and who could possibly forget the _Spice Girls_ and then there is the _Backstreet Boys_ and the obvious one being the _Jonas Brothers_ and then there's the _Beatles_ and the _Monkees_ and the _Dixie Chicks_," (I smiled at that particular one), " And, And, well, I'm sure there are like a million bazillion more out there that I haven't thought of.

"I think you might have given Carlos to many M&M's," I said giggling, "cause I swear to God he's about to take off into orbit."He shot me a mean look before turning back to Kendall.

"What else?"Carlos asked simply, giving Kendall that pout he tended to get when he felt stupid.

"There's our favorite Kendall," I responded, crawling up to Kendall's side as slinky as possible because I was feeling particularly frisky tonight, "_Blondie_."

"Yeah, but I don't think naming the band _Brunetty_ would work out to well Sugar," he replied, still seriously in thought.

"If only we could get that feeling we got after we played the first time," Carlos said, pacing the floor, "Guys, I've got an idea; we should do another song and see what we come up with after that." Sometimes it truly amazed me Carlos could remember to breathe much less come up with ideas, but I won't lie, it wasn't a bad one. I was excited though because I had chosen the song we would do already.

"Here, I've got the song, just follow along Carlos and Kendall, you know the beat relatively well enough to catch it as soon as you hear it with your guitar. I'll sing lead with Verses, but Carlos, you'll sing second set and Kendall, you'll take the chorus with both of us. Do we all understand." I looked at the two confused boys and grinned a little, "or do I need to go over it again."

"I think I've said this before, but you're really hot when you're bossy," Kendall said, cupping my ass and feeling it up; this was so weird for me for a little while, but after some time of Kendall doing it frequently, I got used to it. In a weird way, I craved it, even just for the touch. I ran over to my boom-box that I had brought over and put the C.D. in and before looking at the two laughing boys behind me.

"Dude," Carlos started, "Your like the only one left in America with C.D.'s"

"I like C.D.s," I quickly retorted, "I prefer a hard copy to trusting a few files on a computer. Now if you're done criticizing how I enjoy my music, we have a song to sing." I sped up the disk to the exact song that had become my favorite since its release and grabbed a brush from Kendall's dresser as a microphone, the electro opening of the song started and then the first words came from the speakers and I got into character.

I can't help myself  
><span>I'm addicted to a life of material  
><span>It's some kind of joke  
><span>I'm obsessively opposed to the typical

All we care about is runway models  
><span>Cadillacs and liquor bottles  
><span>Give me something I wanna be  
><span>Retro glamor Hollywood, yes, we live for the

(Everyone Joined in for the Chorus, and it didn't take long for Carlos to catch up)

Fame, doin' it for the fame  
><span>'Cause we wanna live the life of the rich and famous  
><span>Fame, doin' it for the fame  
><span>'Cause we gotta taste for champagne and endless fortune

Fame, fame, baby, the fame, fame  
><span>We live for the fame, fame, baby, the fame, fame  
><span>Isn't it a shame, shame, baby? A shame, shame  
><span>In it for the fame, fame, baby, the fame, fame

(Carlos grabbed the lyric book during the chorus and was following along using that now before his big part started)

I can see myself in the movies  
><span>With my picture in the city lights  
><span>Photograph, my mind and whatever else  
><span>You'd like to shoot you decide

All we care about is pornographic girls  
><span>On film and body plastic  
><span>Give me something I wanna see  
><span>Television and hot blonds in odd positions

(Again, we all joined for the chorus and rocked it of course)  
><span>  
><span>Fame, doin' it for the fame<span>  
><span>'Cause we wanna live the life of the rich and famous  
><span>Fame, doin' it for the fame  
><span>'Cause we gotta taste for champagne and endless fortune

Fame, fame, baby, the fame, fame  
><span>We live for the fame, fame, baby, the fame, fame  
><span>Isn't it a shame, shame, baby? A shame, shame  
><span>In it for the fame, fame, baby, the fame, fame

(But this next part, this was mine, It was the part I related with most, but Kendall did the most beautiful echoing effect as I sang it. Sometimes I wonder who I ended up with the most talented boyfriend. What could he not do; Oh right cook, clean, ect. Sometimes I totally forget just how much we're like Husband and Wife)  
><span>  
><span>Don't ask me how or why<span>  
><span>But I'm gonna make it happen this time  
><span>My teenage dream tonight  
><span>Yeah, I'm gonna make it happen this time

(And to finish off the song, we all harmonized for the final lyrics)  
><span>  
><span>Fame, doin' it for the fame<span>  
><span>'Cause we wanna live the life of the rich and famous

Fame, doin' it for the fame  
><span>'Cause we wanna live the life of the rich and famous  
><span>Fame, doin' it for the fame  
><span>'Cause we gotta taste for champagne and endless fortune

Fame, doin' it for the fame  
><span>'Cause we wanna live the life of the rich and famous  
><span>Fame, doin' it for the fame  
><span>'Cause we gotta taste for champagne and endless fortune  
><span>Fame

"Oh my god, I got it," Carlos shouted as he hopped onto the bed and started jumping, "Big Time Rush."

"Where the hell did that come from," Kendall questioned back, giving Carlos a strange look.

"Remember the first things we said to each after we sang for the first time. You said it was a rush to do it and then I said big time because I was trying on a new catch phrase," I really wondered about Carlos sometimes, "because that's what it was," Carlos said, "it was a Big Time Rush for all of us, I mean as soon as Logan put out the idea, we all joined like three seconds later. That's why."

"Actually," Kendall responded, "I like it, it's really catchy and couldn't you see it in big, black bold colors on a billboard with a poster of the three of us. This could work."

"Yeah, but how are we going to get anyone to pay attention to us, it's not like we have a niche that any other Garage Band has," I said, downing the feeling that was rushing through the room.

"We're all gay," Carlos said, "That's different and we could use YouTube as a way to put ourselves out there and get a fan base going."

"Carlos, I think that's the smartest thing you've ever said," Kendall replied, "by doing that, we could get the producers to come to us."

"Thanks, I think," Carlos responded, giving me a look that said it was confused; or maybe that was just his face. Then he noticed the time, "Sorry guys, I gotta go, there's a movie that I told Camille I'd go see with her and If I break one more promise, I swear she'll find a new bestie."

"Yeah, cause there are so many out gay men competing for Camille's friendship and affection in this town." Carlos gave me a dirty look that made me laugh right before he left, slamming the door in show men ship that only he could manage. Kendall laughed a little at my snarkyness with Carlos, which for some reason he thought was so cute, and went over to turn the TV on to watch the Hockey Game that was being played tonight. I really didn't understand Sports talk, so when Carlos and Kendall would go at it about this stuff, I usually just backed up and watched how sexy Kendall was when he got passionate. For some reason that I couldn't explain, I wanted him more than ever tonight; I was craving every inch of his body, watching his every move.

"You okay Logie-Bear," Kendall said, giving me a strange look, "You're watching me really weird; are you feeling alright."

"I'm ready Kendall," I responded, crawling up the bed to the edge, "I'm ready for you. All of you."

"I still don't understand," Kendall replied, backing into the dresser, "Are you saying what I'm thinking you are."

"I think I'm making myself clear," I purred back, obviously giving him the chills.

"You know I can barely restrain myself around you Sugar, so why are you doing this now; you are always so shy about this kind of thing."

"I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never get that night back now, so I went to relive it the right way."

"You haven't drunk tonight because I don't have alcohol and I know you'd never do drugs so I'm going to ask again; what's gotten into you."

"I don't know," I confessed, "but I've craved this in a weird way for a long time now, and I'm finally ready to let myself enjoy it."

"Are you sure, because if we do it, you won't get this night back and if it's not right, it could hurt us both," Kendall said a little nervously, a new side I'd never seen of him that made me laugh a little. He was always the one with all the advances and he was scared now. I got on my knees on the edge of the bed and started to beck him slowly forward and I dug my teeth into my bottom lip to show the urgency of him, not stalling. He got it immediately and came forward, gripping me by the back and pulling me forward into a tight embrace.

"I'll be gentle," he whispered into my ear, "I never want to hurt something as precious as you."

"Don't worry about me," I replied, "Worry about yourself," I tried to stay calm, but I'll admit it, the heat of the moment was getting to me a little. I didn't stop though; I needed Kendall more than ever and so I started to plant kisses along his neck and jaw line, taking the initiative to finally prove to Kendall that this was right. When I heard him give a low, long moan I knew I had won. Now it was just a matter of time before Kendall took over. And he did. He started to lift me off of the bed and I wrapped my legs around his waist so he could do what he wanted with me. I was his tonight. And after tonight, I'd officially be his forever; it was the final stake in the claim he'd already put on me. But instead of pushing me against a wall or get us in a tight place, he lifted me back to the front of the bed before placing me on his lap and laying back. He was really going to make me do all the work and I wasn't even the dominant one, but if it was his wish, then it would surely be granted. I leaned down, arching my back and putting my arms around his neck to push our lips together in a kiss, but he pushed his tongue up into my mouth, asking entry in a wordless way and who was I to deny him that. It was deep and different and for all the kisses I had shared with James and Kendall, it never went this far. If there ever was tongue involved, the farthest it could get would be my lips so maybe I really didn't know passionate kisses that well because this feeling was intoxicating. Kendall was intoxicating; he was my everything, my addiction and it felt incredible to give him this much power over me. He broke the kiss again to look me in the eyes.

"You're new to this too aren't you Logie Bear," Kendall said with a grin.

"I always thought our kisses were passionate and deep, I didn't realize you could go this much farther" I said, turning my eyes away in embarrassment. I mean if I ever did kiss passionately, I thought it was wet, but I never thought about French kissing like this. I never really thought about what French Kissing was at all.

"You've got to kiss me back Sugar," he said, pulling himself up slightly, "it's no fun when it's just me tasting you."

"Okay, I'll try," and I really would this time, but the idea of sticking my tongue in another person's mouth was a little bizarre. I think I'd done it at the part before, because it felt like it could be a distant memory, maybe even with Kendall, but now it was just so new feeling everything. He started up again, and this time I opened my mouth a little for him to have more room to work, while I tried to lick his lips, but instead, our tongues collided. And I kind of lost control of the whole situation. I started to pull him on top of me and when I did, we didn't separate for a moment because it felt so good. Finally, after a really wet kiss, he pulled off for breath and I took my chance; immediately I started to unbutton my shirt as fast as I could, but Kendall grabbed my hand and guided it to go back around his neck as he bent down for another kiss. This one was even deeper than the second one because we were wrestling for control of my mouth. I loved it. But this couldn't be it; I needed to go all the way and I need to go all the way right now and if he wouldn't take off my shirt, I'd take off his. I moved my hands from behind his head and started to tug on the ends of his shirt, exposing his stomach and abs to me which I had become so used to and finally he gave up and let me do it, barely stopping the kiss for the moment it took to pull it off. Immediately he started back down into my lips, but this time with one hand, he finished unbuttoning the rest of my shirt and taking it off as quickly as possible. The passion in his eyes was intimidating and sexy all at the same time when he started to pull my pants down and exposing my legs to the cold air. He broke off the kiss again, but this time he sat up and started to pull down his own and throw them in the corner of the room and then pulled off the rest of mine and did the same and finally seeing his whole body scared me a little. I know I slept with him every night and he looked like this, but I never really looked at his body, I just got into his warmth. Seeing him now was amazing. His legs were just as muscular as the rest of his body and he sure must play hokey a lot cause he looked a lot more like model than I ever could. He laughed a little while I was examining him and then pouted my lips cause I realized I was a bit of a disappointment. I was kind of pail and was just a little toned, not overly muscular. I was a twink he was a little bit of a beef cake. Not over muscled, but just right.

"Logan, don't look so distressed, I've seen you like this before," he said, grinning, "and I like every bit of you just the way you are." He started to lean back into me when I realized the situation and the fear sunk in. I couldn't do this. I wasn't ready, to be honest I still wasn't sure what got into me to get this far, but Kendall was hungry. His eyes set fires in their wake he wanted this so bad and that scared me even more. It scared me that maybe unintentionally he'd hurt me like the first time; maybe that's why I had such a fear of sex, because I had a crushing fear of pain. And the most painful night in my life, was that night when I had felt my first real taste of true fear. When I saw Jo in a state that no one should ever have to endure. When I realized that I could be dangerous for my friends because they were outed due to my presence. It was worse than the night James died for me because of all that was still left unknown. Kendall immediately broke the kiss and stroked my face, getting off of me and leaning up, pulling me with him.

"What's wrong Logan," he said with concern, "I didn't hurt you did I; you're okay right." He wiped my cheek and I realized that I had been crying. I was so worried about what would happen that I was crying hard and never knew it.

"I'm fine *choke*, just over*sob*whelmed, you can keep going, don't *choke* worry about me," I tried to say back as smoothly as possible, but it just didn't happen right.

"Sugar, I can't do anything to you like this. Every tear that you cry feels like a bullet to the brain with me; it kills me to watch you like this," he got off the bed and grabbed my hand, pulling me to my feet as quickly as he could. He grabbed the shirt I wore every night to bed and slipped it over my trembling figure before walking me back to the bed and putting me in it in the spot that I had become so accustomed too. He was carefully not to break me for some reason, like I was a fragile piece of glass, walking around the whole bed to his side and turning the light off. "I love you Logie, but why don't you go to sleep, I don't want you to think about this anymore." I nodded my head shyly, not being able to respond as he pulled the sheets over us and put the comforter on top of me.

"Would you-," the only thing I could get out before he interrupted,

"Yeah, just go to sleep," and as soon as Kendall pulled me into his embrace, I fell straight to sleep onto his chest.

**Author's Note: So after this chapter, the band stuff will stop popping up as much because I think it kind of camps up a story to include that. Also, I hate wasting words on copying songs, so I decided to make this Chapter a little longer than unusual to make up for the lost story telling. But one thing to know is that the band is important for the end. But, since I included the band stuff, I decided to treat all of you with a little bit of sexy, which I'm finding is really hard to right if you've never done it, but it's kind of thrilling a new way. And though I just love to be a total tease, I had good reason this time. Logan still doesn't fully trust Kendall, which we're are going to explore next chapter. Also, sorry I forgot the dedication yesterday, but I was in a rush to upload because I had to go out with friends. So I dedicate this chapter to someone who's been reading since the beginning and given me drive to continue when I wanted to quit at times. Thanks ilovepie554, it means a lot. Luv ya. XoXo**


	23. Chapter 23

Kendall was sitting on the edge of the bed when I first woke up and when he turned to see me; he gave me a grim look.

"Logan," He started, his tone reflecting his mood, "We need to talk." Immediately, I knew what that meant and it couldn't just end like this. I needed him too much for him just to walk away.

"Please, don't leave me," I screeched, "I'm sorry, I swear we can try again tonight and I won't cry. I just, I can't, just don't leave."

Kendall grinned a little when he heard my response, "I'm not gonna break up with you sweet-heart, but there are things we need to talk about."

"We talk about everything," I replied, still trying to get over my outburst, "What is there that needs to be said. You know all of my secrets and I know all of yours; that's what makes our relationship so great."

"No, there is one thing you always refuse to talk about with me," Kendall again turned towards the wall, "the fact that you still don't trust me."

"What do you want to do about it?" I tried to stay calm, but I still felt a little scared that Kendall wouldn't think my answer was good enough and move on.

"Why don't we go down to the coffee-shop down the street and talk about this over breakfast," that's when I realized how serious it was. Kendall hated breakfast and he especially hated coffee; the only reason he had a coffee maker in his apartment was because in his I needed it. But I wasn't going to fight him or make the situation worse. I simply shook my head and we both got up to get some-what dressed; I threw on a pair of basketball shorts and a jacket over the huge shirt I was in. Kendall on the other hand threw on his jeans with a tight T-shirt and a leather jacket with his beanie. We walked in complete silence to the car and drove the same way, too afraid to talk about last night. Finally, after about ten minutes, we got inside and I ordered coffee and he got milk, but I didn't fight him on it; I just looked down and so did he. "We can't go on like this Logie; I love you too much for you to be so afraid of me. We have to talk about this."

"What is there to say," I said, still unable to look at Kendall in the eyes.

"Say you trust me," he responded, lifting my chin to force eye-contact, "Say that you aren't afraid of me anymore."

"I'm not afraid of you anymore," I tried to say it as blankly as possible so Kendall couldn't read the lie I was telling.

"Dammit Logan," he yelled, hitting the table with his fists right when the waitress brought over our drinks.

"Anythin else I can get ya dolls," she said, chewing something in her mouth like every stereotypical diner waitress in television history, down to the blue eye-shadow.

"No thank you," Kendall said calmly, "This will be great for now."

"Just call me if ya change ya mind," she walked away, her heels clicking as she moved onto the next table to take their orders. Kendall was just staring at me.

Before he could speak, I started off again, "Fine, but can I ask you a question first."

"Fine," he huffed, "shoot."

"You are a Junior in High School and captain of the hockey team; why don't you live at home. I love your apartment, but I just don't understand what makes you live there away from your family. I've met your mom before, she seems nice enough," I tried to be gentle, but it wasn't easy for me cause I was so curious about this particular mystery of Kendall.

"When I first came into town, about a week before the incident, I went home and started to use what I was taught by my therapist. So I came out to them both my first night back and they freaked out talking about how God couldn't love me for this and I told them that God loved all his children no matter what, which upset them even more. I know what you're thinking, 'that the picture' should have outed me, but mom somehow hid that from him. My dad tried to hit me, but my mom stopped him, still, she told me to never come back to the house. My mom, the nurse, who was supposed to love me no matter what I do and am. And the worst part was, I'd come out to her years before; it wasn't like it was a big secret. That night I stayed at Carlos's place till she called me. She told me she loved me no matter what, but it wasn't safe to come home right now with my dad how he was. She said that she didn't care what happened that night with who, she cared about me being okay, so she gave me most clothes in a big, beaten up suit case and four-hundred dollars cash to find somewhere else till I could come home. When James heard, he invited me to the club that Saturday night to meet up with you, but instead, Carlos and I arrived too late. Too late to save my best friend. But there's nothing I can do about that now; you're turn."

"There's nothing wrong with me," I responded a little smugly, trying to get him calm, "I trust you completely, I just was tired."

"Dammit Logan," he repeated, but this time, not as angry, "I know you're lying, I just don't understand why. We have to talk about this. This isn't one of those avoidable subjects that will die over time; I want to spend every waking moment of the rest of my life with you, but I can't do that if every time we get close, you get scared. Maybe I'm not good for you and if that's it, you gotta tell me."

"The worst night of my entire life was that costume party," I had decided that I couldn't keep this all from Kendall, that it was just too difficult, so I would tell him everything because he had done the same with me. "At first, everything was going great; I had made up with Camille, Jo had picked a costume that was going to get us in trouble, and who doesn't love a Halloween party. But the highlight of the night was having you there with me. I had a crush on you since the first day I moved here, when I first saw you flip that blonde hair of yours in that little Soda place, so when you came onto me, I felt like I was at the top of the world, but drinking and being hit on don't exactly go together. Sex was just what made sense as the next step to me at the time and you just seemed to want it so bad that I couldn't refuse you it. It would be cruel. And though I don't remember much of it, I know there was passion. I could feel the heat, but the best part was talking to you afterwards. Until I found out about why you did what you did. I felt like I betrayed myself by doing what I did with you because I like to think that I'm such a rights activist. And I felt like you had deceived me. That's when I began to lose my trust in you. Then when you couldn't control your temper when I tried to leave put another nail in the coffin. And with all the emotional distress and a hangover, the night still is the longest in my life. Jo getting raped just wasn't fair, and it made me hate you even more because you were one of the homophobes that made people like that do the crap they do. That was another nail. But the final nail in the coffin that was my trust in you came the next day. The next day when you denied what happened and tried to hurt James. I couldn't understand why you'd lie and I couldn't fathom why you'd want to hurt someone who was so close to you. Up until that night, you two seemed a little inseparable. So when you left, I felt so lonely. I had James, but I just couldn't convince myself that I loved him in the way I'd loved you. I tried to act for him because he cared so much, but the loneliness didn't go away, it just hurt so much worse. It took me a long time to get over you and when I did, I finally could love James the right way and you know what happened next. He was taken away from me. He was stolen out of my life as soon as he had come in and there you were again. There you were, the person I loved who'd hurt me and yet you weren't the same person. You were new; you'd finally learned to love yourself, but even better, you learned to love me. But that trust was still dead. You still scared me. And you still scare me now. And I know that might hurt you, but that's the truth. I just worry that anything I could do would push you over the limit and you could relapse and that's one of my biggest fears. That my presence is hurting you. That's why I can't trust you fully. Because I don't trust myself." It felt so good to get those feelings out, but when I looked back at Kendall; his face was in his palms. He looked up with red eyes and wet cheeks.

"I'm, so, so sorry Logan, I would have never ever hurt you like that in a million years if I had known that it would make you so," Kendall was desperately searching for the last word.

"Cautious, Uptight, Insecure," I offered, my bottom lip starting to tremble when I realized how much what I had said hurt him, "can I ask you a question though?"

"Uh-huh"

"What did you think was going to happen if when you did all that," I tried to not get angry, but I was just so confused by everything right now, "I mean you played with my mind, my heart, my emotions. You just thought I could take it."

"No," he responded, starting to calm down the tears, "I just, I was so scared of what it meant to have emotions for you. I'd only felt that way once before and it didn't end well and it, it left me messed up and then I saw you and all I wanted was to be right next to you. And I hated that feeling because it meant that I'd become something that I hated, or at least thought I hated. I just wanted you to go away so I wouldn't have to deal with the emotions and instead you drew me in." He took a breath, finally taking a quiet sip from the glass of milk, while I absorbed what he had just told me.

"So, this all is. My. Fault," I asked questioningly, not accusing him yet, but displaying it like it sounded to me.

"NO! In no way is this your fault sugar, it's mine for not allowing myself to be me; you're just the incredible outcome of it all. You've helped me to learn that I'm not like he was. Not like the one that hurt me; that I'm gay and there is nothing wrong with it at all. That I don't have to like the same music or be a different person because I love who I love. You are my greatest inspiration in my life because you don't give a fuck what people think as long as you're happy. I just wish there was some way to express to you that I'd never ever hurt you."

"It's not that simple Kendall, it can't just come back from nowhere and I know you've earned every bit of it, but I'm just not ready."There was silence for a little longer till Kendall looked up:

"I've got an idea," Kendall said, perking up slightly, "Why don't we calm down by going back to your house and doing homework for a little bit, then we could go play Hockey cause I know you love it so much." I smiled when he said this and decided it was okay. It couldn't hurt to get some homework done and I couldn't lie, I really did enjoy him playing Hockey with his friends because he got so competitive and aggressive which tended to end up hilariously.

"Yeah, I love that Idea," I said, taking his hand and leaving twenty dollars for the waitress to use to pay for it all and a tip. It was probably generous, but I just wanted to go with Kendall; plus the coffee was a little stale. I'm sure she won't mind.

_1 day later_

Kendall was determined to take me to the mall today and to be honest, I didn't mind that that much because I needed to get a few things in the first place. It was fun to watch him play hockey and all, especially cause Carlos tends to get really angry during the game. Today was my turn to have fun though. Still, something was off, especially cause Kendall was acting a little jittery, but I put it all to that he just wanted to get home. Little did I know that that was no reason at all.

"Which skinny jeans should I go with," I held up a pair of tiger print ones and then a zebra pair to get a laugh out of him, but instead he genuinely answered.

"Yeah, the zebra pair; blacks a good color for you," Kendall said it rather fast, causing me to wonder what was going on.

"You okay Kendall, I was kidding; I thought you'd find it funny," I was determined to find the mystery to why he was acting this way.

"Yeah Logie, just a little distracted," he was still kind of jumpy, but he at least talked in normal motion, "What time is it."

"It's time for you to calm down," I responded coolly, coming up to wrap my arms around his neck, "Is there something you need to tell me."

"That I love you," he said, giving me a kiss on my forehead, "but really, what's the time."

I just couldn't refuse him again, so I pulled out my phone, "its 2:53. Why do you need to know though; we don't have any other commitments today."

"I have somewhere to be at three," he replied, still acting very strange.

"Why don't we go now so we're not late," I suggested, but he shook his head and turned towards the food court.

"Hey," he said, acting a little normal, "want to go to the food court till It's time to go; we could try out the new pretzel station."

"Sure, anything you'd like, just calm down." We got the pretzels, but he just sat across from me watching the time as silently as possible. It was really awkward and it was never Kendall's type to hold back. Then he jumped up excitedly out of no were:

"It's Three, let's go," he said, grabbing my hand and tugging me from the chair, forcing me to drop my treat and forget about it in the booth; the worst part was, I was actually really hungry. Kendall was pulling me into a large crowd of people gathered around a stage and at first I was genuinely intrigued to see who was performing and then a very familiar voice come out of the speakers.

"Would Logan Mitchell come to the stage please; Logan Mitchell come to the stage please," Jo said giggling as my eyes grew wide. What was Jo doing here after just leaving and why did they want me on stage. Kendall smiled back at me when he pulled me up and sat me on a chair in the center of the stage. Jo handed him the microphone and gave me a case before walking off the stage.

"I'm pretty sure all of you know me and for those of you who don't you'll never forget me after this," Kendall started yelling to the crowd, scaring me more and more by the second. I didn't know what he was going to do, but I was going to have to muster up courage to trust him right now and that wasn't easy. "A few months ago I put on a big scene in the middle of this very mall over that boy over here and it was the biggest mistake I ever made," the audience watched him closely as he walked across the edge, seeming to address every girl there, "And now, I want to prove to this town and that boy over there that I absolutely love him. You can pretty much guess the rest from there." The girls in the crowd actually seemed shocked, but Samantha let out a 'Wooooo' to try to rile the crowd up which it actually worked. "Are all of you ready for this, Cause it's gonna happen either way." They screamed even louder when Jo walked up and handed Kendall his guitar. Moment by moment I was getting more terrified. This would be interesting. "This is to you Sugar," and then Kendall started to strum the instrument and sing the song in perfect pitch and tune.

"Remember those walls I built  
>Well, baby they're tumbling down<br>And they didn't even put up a fight  
>They didn't even make up a sound<p>

I found a way to let you in  
>But I never really had a doubt<br>Standing in the light of your halo  
>I got my angel now<p>

It's like I've been awakened  
>Every rule I had you breakin'<br>It's the risk that I'm takin'  
>I ain't never gonna shut you out<p>

Everywhere I'm looking now  
>I'm surrounded by your embrace<br>Baby I can see your halo  
>You know you're my saving grace<p>

You're everything I need and more  
>It's written all over your face<br>Baby I can feel your halo  
>Pray it won't fade away<p>

I can feel your halo halo halo  
>I can see your halo halo halo<br>I can feel your halo halo halo  
>I can see your halo halo halo<p>

Hit me like a ray of sun  
>Burning through my darkest night<br>You're the only one that I want  
>Think I'm addicted to your light<p>

I swore I'd never fall again  
>But this don't even feel like falling<br>Gravity can't forget  
>To pull me back to the ground again<p>

Feels like I've been awakened  
>Every rule I had you breakin'<br>The risk that I'm takin'  
>I'm never gonna shut you out<p>

Everywhere I'm looking now  
>I'm surrounded by your embrace<br>Baby I can see your halo  
>You know you're my saving grace<p>

You're everything I need and more  
>It's written all over your face<br>Baby I can feel your halo  
>Pray it won't fade away<p>

I can feel your halo halo halo  
>I can see your halo halo halo<br>I can feel your halo halo halo  
>I can see your halo halo halo<p>

I can feel your halo halo halo  
>I can see your halo halo halo<br>I can feel your halo halo halo  
>I can see your halo halo halo<br>Halo, halo

Everywhere I'm looking now  
>I'm surrounded by your embrace<br>Baby I can see your halo  
>You know you're my saving grace<p>

You're everything I need and more  
>It's written all over your face<br>Baby I can feel your halo  
>Pray it won't fade away<p>

I can feel your halo halo halo  
>I can see your halo halo halo<br>I can feel your halo halo halo  
>I can see your halo halo halo<p>

I can feel your halo halo halo  
>I can see your halo halo halo<br>I can feel your halo halo halo  
>I can see your halo halo halo" <p>

I started to cry midway through when I realized what he was doing; he was trying to take the nails out of that coffin and bring back my trust in him by undoing the thing that hurt me most. His rejection of me. That's when I realized that I trusted him with everything I was because he was willing to give up his whole life, family, and even some friends just to love me. He was putting on a giant show in front of the whole town to show his love for me. It was incredible. When he sang the last two verses, he came over and knelt down next to me like a wedding proposal while I wiped tears away as fast as I could.

"You truly are my angel Logan Mitchell and I never want you or I to forget that," He smiled when he pulled a red box out of his pocket. "I PROMISE to love you for every day of our lives together. I PROMISE to never hurt you again. And I Promise to go to the ends of the world to show you how much I love you." He grabbed my hand and put the white wring on my ring finger were an engagement ring would usually go.

I wasn't sure how to answer, so I just screamed, "yes, I'll be yours forever," before he kissed me on the cheeks. The crowd around us started to roar with approval as he took me off the stage and brought me back into the audience. The actual musical performance showed up, a band from school, who apparently let Kendall use the stage first for his big act. As we were walking down and they were coming up, I got congratulations from everywhere like it was my wedding day which felt weird but welcome. Jo grabbed my other arm and pulled me forward with Samantha ahead of us when Kendall leaned down into my ear, "You know it's not an engagement ring, right Logie."

I smiled, "Yeah, I know, but I trust you to one day give me one of those too."

We both giggled a little before leaving the mall in high spirits with our friends.

**Author's Note: I know, cheesy, but it felt really good to write it and finally get over that big bump in the story. Luv Ya. XoXo**


	24. Chapter 24

_3 weeks later_

My nerves were on edge and I knew I'd have to forfeit my pride to feed my habit because today was going to be a difficult day. It was a Friday, yeah, but it was the opening of the new play that was taking Romeo and Julian's place and after the reviews we got with that one, we had to somehow beat ourselves. If it wasn't hard enough that the story was hardcore, I had very little time to actually prepare for it and so, I was a little shaky on all of the lines. I knew them generally, but a few I was forced to guess on and those scared me the most. When Kendall and I arrived at school, the whole drama club was in a circle, giddy with what seemed like excitement and even though I hated leaving Kendall, I knew they'd expect me to play along.

"I got to go," I said longingly to Kendall, trying to make it apparent that it was urgent, not that I didn't want to be with him.

"Okay Sugar," Kendall responded with a grin, "See ya by your locker so don't take too long." I nodded my head before heading into the group, not exactly sure what to expect.

"OMG, We were worried you weren't coming," Piped Jenny Tinkler, dressed in one of her beautifully ridiculous harajuku outfits (sometimes I wondered where she found them), "You had me about to jump out of my socks." She giggled a little at her own expression which I'd never heard before, but I'd give it to her, she deserved it.

"Hey, Bambi," Camille started, looking straight at me, "Will Jo be coming back in town for this; I really hope she will, she loved the Drama Club so much."

"Yeah, But she said she may arrive a little late because Samantha has a big test to take," I replied as coolly as possible to not give away the nervous aura I was probably giving off.

"Okay, tonight we're gonna rock this thing and nothing bad will happen and we're all gonna be huge celebrities after this so let's go inside that school and show just how awesome we are," Carlos barely stopped to take a breath while he gave his best try at an inspirational speech. Everyone put their hands in a big pile as Carlos and Jenny battled to see who was on the very top and I realized how much this group meant to me. They were the family that I always wanted; dysfunctional, crazy, fun, and immature. But, all I wanted to do was see Kendall so the silliness at the moment was getting on my nerves, then it hit me on how to get it all over with.

"Look Carlos, behind you, a crazy stunt," immediately Carlos turned to see, Jenny put her hand on top and Camille quickly counted off before he could turn around and start the fight again. By the time he had decided that there was nothing behind him and he'd been tricked, we were all gone, except for Camille who was constantly by his side. It was cute how close they'd become. It would have been cuter if they were a couple, but Carlos played for the other team if you catch my drift. I had more important things to do though, like get to class early or meet Kendall, the love of my life. I pretty much ran to my locker and started to sort through books as fast as possible so I wouldn't be late. I had a thing about being late. I just never could. Finally, I looked over to Kendall's locker across the hall and immediately I noticed his absence there. And I looked around me on either side and still, no one. I was sure, he wouldn't leave me, but who knew; something could have happened to him or he could have fought someone. I was over thinking everything today, but that's what I always do when I'm on edge; I make everything tens time worse than they really were. While I cringed at the thought that Kendall was abducted by some mystery person while at his locker, I slammed the door to my own and turned quickly to almost fall on my ass.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't see you there," Kendall said with that lovably annoying grin that was eternally part of his face.

"Dear God," I said back, steadying myself on my two legs again to try to face him even though he was much taller, "You had me worried you weren't here anymore."

"I thought you trusted me; isn't that ring worth anything," He threw his hands up in a big performance piece and raised his voice to the highest pitch it could go for the last word. I loved when he did stuff like this and I just couldn't help, but play along.

"It's worth nothing because I love you; I hate you; I love you," I slapped him across the face before meeting his lips to kiss him and then slap him again.

"Uhhhh, I like it rough Logie Bear."

"You don't have to say it out loud."

"But I thought we were about the truth."

"Well, I'll let you get away with a lie once."

"Ah, but that wasn't a lie," Kendall replied, turning me around to be back in his embrace, stopping all traffic around us in the hall.

"Kendall, can I ask you something strange, but you have to swear you won't judge me," I tried to keep a calm face, but I felt like shattering.

"After all we've went through together, you actually think. I'd. me, ex homophobic bully, would judge you, my perfect little sweet."

"Well, lately, I've felt like something bad is gonna happen and today, it's setting in bad. I just wanted to know if you ever felt that way because maybe it's just nerves."

"You mean like a 'preposition.'"

"Premonition"

"Close enough"

"Not really, but okay."

"No, I've never really had any feelings like that," He looked into my eyes, "and if I did, you'd know because I don't ever censor myself." I giggled a little before lifting myself up to kiss him on the cheek.

"Yeah, I can tell Mr. S&M," I turned back around to head back to class with him behind me, but of course the teacher was already writing out assignments.

"Mr. Mitchell. Mr. Knight; why were you late," said the teacher, never turning to look and see us.

"We weren't late, the bell hasn't rung yet," Kendall replied smugly, obviously determined to win this argument.

"You get off with a warning this time," the older man said, still never turning to directly address us.

"For what?" Kendall said, starting to lose his calm.

"Talking back to a teacher Mr. Knight," he finally turned, "You know that that is against school policy."

"Bull-shit," Kendall yelled back, standing up, "because I proved you wrong."

"Mr. Knight, I have put up with many of your offensive behaviors, but this one will not be tolerated at all," the Teacher responded, hovering over his desk.

"What offensive behaviors; I do homework and pay fucking attention, more than I can say for others here."

"Please calm down Mr. Knight, I do not want to send you to the Principal's office; we can resume this conversation after class."

"Screw that, what is it that is so bad that it affects your crappy version of teaching."

"Mr. Knight, I do not want to address this in front of the whole class and I will not, so sit before you're dismissed."

"To much of a pussy to say what you think," Kendall yelled a little louder this time and I knew it wasn't going to end well. Why was he trying to fight a teacher?

"Fine Mr. Knight, your PDA in this class, Cursing, ect. Is that a sufficient list for you."

"Everyone in this room has fucking cussed in this class more than once so I'm not convinced of that one, but my PDA?"

"Public Display of Affection," I interjected, before staring back down.

"You have a problem with my boyfriend," Kendall said to the teacher, quirking his eyebrow slightly, "because Sean and Amber are practically boning in the back row and you don't seem to have a big problem with that."

"Language Mr. Knight," The Teacher responded, turning back to the black board, "Sean and Amber do not disturb anyone, You and Mr. Mitchell do."

"What the hell do you mean, 'disturb anyone'," Kendall said, the flame in his eyes raising again, "It's cause we're gay because I think we've gotten over that as a class. So is it disturbing you."

"Mr. Knight, we can discuss this at a later time, but we are going to go back to math now."

"Fuck You."

"That's it Mr. Knight, you're going down to have a talk with the Principal, you're behavior is unacceptable." The teacher filled out a note before beckoning Kendall forward, "Take this to Tony at reception and wait till Mr. Cunningham is ready to see you." Kendall took the slip out of his hand and walked out the door, flipping the teacher off in the process.

"FUCK YOU!" Kendall yelled again and then disappeared out of the room completely.

"Now, back to the concept of today class," The teacher said and honestly, I did my best to keep my attention on him, but Kendall not being next to me was so hard to take. My stomach was starting to hurt and that feeling of an oncoming storm rushed back to me. This was the start of a very bad, long day.

**Author's Note: Shorter than usual I know, but I felt like it ended good here and the next chapter's pretty long anyway. Did anyone else watch them on primetime by the way, because I totally did and I have to admit, it's weird hearing them out of character. And James doing his opera bit was so funny. He's my favorite. But it also made me feel really bad for being one of the fringier fans. But I've never seen season 2, so I'm not completely obsessed (okay, I am, I'm also just lazy). I know this is up earlier than usual, but I have a party to go to tonight and I didn't want to skip this. And finally, I dedicate this chapter to someone who always comments and it makes me feel great. Also, I love when people sign their posts with a little thing every time. Luv you, Joey (IceRush, and I don't how anyone could do that to Logan). Luv Ya. XoXo**


	25. Chapter 25

After the incident in Math, the day went pretty smooth for me because Kendall was back by mid-second period.

"I was so worried you'd get suspended," I whispered to Kendall while the teacher's shrill voice rang from the board. I didn't particularly enjoy English and today was no better for me.

"Really Sugar," he said, smiling cheek-to-cheek, "You should know better, the teachers at this school are so lazy that the principal didn't even listen. He was on the phone when I explained myself and just let me leave. And I was ready to go anyway, I missed you."

"Yeah, I missed you too," I said, grabbing Kendall's hand he had extended after he finished speaking, "but I told you I had a bad feeling about today; I just know It'll get worse somehow."

"Calm down Logie," he responded, giggling a little at my reaction, "you're acting like someone almost died. I got in trouble; before I met you, I did that type of shit all the time."

"Fine," I gave up, not having the heart or hope that I was right, "I guess you're right, I'm just a little paranoid about the play tonight, that's all. But, please, nothing else like that, I don't want to be away from you any more than I have too."

"Deal," he responded with a smile before acting like he was paying attention.

"Mr. Mitchell, please stop disturbing Mr. Knight," Mrs. Sorch said before continuing on with her lesson.

"Yes Mam," I responded, embarrassed at having been caught; I was never reprimanded in class. It just didn't happen. Kendall snickered when he saw my bright red face and I got it; he had gotten me in trouble just to freak me out more about today. "I hate you sometimes," I said back stone faced, deciding I had the right to be at least a little upset.

"Sorry Sugar," he said smirking, "I'll take the fall next time!" he snickered a little more before Mrs. Sorch shot a glance at him. He was pretty quiet for the rest of the period. But lunch was a different story for us and it all started when the jocks decided to mess with us drama geeks.

Dak Seavon walked up to the Jennifer who was giving Camille some final acting cues and started it, "Hey hot stuff, what's going on?"

Jennifer gave him a disgusted look before responding, "Excuse me; do I know you?"

"Na," he replied smugly, "But if you'd come home with me, you'd get to know me a lot better."

"Listen Fucker," Jennifer said turning to officially face him, "back the fuck off or I'll break the twig in your pants you call a dick."

"Geeze," he retorted, still smug as ever, "I didn't realize Camille over here was your girlfriend," he looked at the lunch table filled with the rest of the drama club and Kendall, "Any of you at this table not Lezzy, I'll give you a nice ride."

"Like in a car," Jenny Tinkler jumped up clapping in her usual upbeat mood, "I'm not a lesbian, but I don't know why that would matter if you are just gonna drive me around." The captain of the football team smiled before grabbing her hand and kissing it.

"Cut the bull shit, Dak," Kendall finally said, pushing Jenny behind him and going face to face with the horny boy, "Why are you really fucking with us. Cheerleaders aren't enough?"

"I told you I'd get you back."

"Hurting Logan wasn't enough for you. You saw him cry after it all. How fucking dare you do that to him and the worst part, he refused to even tell. You got off the fucking hook for hurting him worse than anyone else could. So no, there is no payback from you. You don't even get to breathe the same air as him." Kendall was passionate about this, because it hurt him most of all that it happened to me and he was there the whole time. But I knew I couldn't tell; for Kendall and everyone else that I loved. I just couldn't risk losing it all after already missing so much already and it burned Kendall to the core that I refused to tell him why I was keeping it a secret. I told him my sex life was broadcast enough, but he could see straight through that lie.

"Look Dak, just go away," I thought I said it quietly, but when everyone turned to look at me, I realized that my quiet voice apparently traveled.

"I'd go away for a favor," Dak repeated with that smug look on his gross little face, "I won't even get you back, just one time and this time, no tears. Kay." Ugh I hate him. Ass.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Kendall yelled after hearing what he said, "Why are you even fucking talking to us right now."

"Well, I'm actually buying time."

"Time to do what?" Kendall seethed, obviously becoming more and more angry by the annoyance in front of him.

"This!" yelled a few other footballers from behind me as I felt cold ice and water fall down my shoulders. My hair and clothes were ruined and I was covered in blue Kool-aid when fists started swinging; and Kendall had promised me an uneventful day. A huge fight broke out between the drama club and the football team and from far away, it would have been absolutely hilarious to see a bunch of girls fight a bunch of huge boys. Being in it, not so much; I learned something very interesting that day, don't cross a group of nervous, excited girls. When I saw Jenny kick someone in the gut, I realized that everyone really was in on it, but me. I did my best not to get hit because the ice already really stung and I really started to get worried. There was one secret that I never told Kendall that kind of embarrassed me; I wore contacts. I'd always take them out or put them in before he could notice, but now, I was worried one had slipped out of my eye. Water doesn't wash a contact out, but rubbing your eye can and I couldn't see a single thing while climbing under the table. I just kind of sat there, blind, scared and wet while I watched the fight unfold around me. After three teachers and the Vice-Principal showed, the fight was finally over and no one was really injured, but everyone was in trouble.

"STOP!" screamed Ms. Krenshaw from the table across from the events, "STOP It Right now!" like a scene from a John Hughes movie. Everyone stopped and starred at the wailing teacher with thick glasses across from us. We all got detention for Monday because the Football team had a huge game tonight. Not once did they bring up our big play redebut or the fact that they all started it. But what was more humiliating would be what was coming later.

"There's no clothes in the lost-n-found anymore Bambi," the secretary said, giving up on calling me my name anymore. "See if ya friends have anything for you," and boy did they.

"Well, I have that long sleeve shirt you lent me that was too small, so you can wear that," Kendall said, pulling it out of his locker to me smiling gratefully. Pants were a different issue; he didn't have any and neither did Carlos. No one seemed to have any, but the last person that I wanted to ask. I didn't hate them, but they had a consistence for wearing, 'zany,' outfits.

"Of course Logan," piped Jenny from her locker, still smiling after all that had happened, "I always keep a spare outfit in case something happens to me. 'Always be prepared' is my motto, especially when dressing your very best." She pulled out a small bag out of her locker and immediately, I was nervous. "Yes, here it is," she shrilled out, handing me the pair of short shorts. "I hope you don't mind the length, they're for volley-ball if I actually join the team after all, but I'd really like you to wear them. It'd make my day."

"Jenny, I just don't know if I can pull something off like this, it's just so iconic of you," I offered, putting the shorts back out to her.

She wouldn't have it, "You're making me so sad Logan," she pouted, bouncing her hair, "please wear them, as a gift. You have a great set of legs, I'm sure you can pull them off." It wasn't my legs everyone would be staring at. Hesitantly, I walked to the locker room to shower off the sugar smell and put on my clothes before my next period, and what do you know, the shorts fit nice and snug on my ass; I don't think I'd ever be able to live off wearing booty shorts, but I couldn't stand seeing Jenny sad. She was just too cheerful. I just didn't want Dak getting pleasure out of it; thank god he wasn't in any of my courses after lunch. I pulled the shirt on, which covered half the shorts, making it look more like a dress than a top, and the sleeves went far past my arms. Kendall had stretched it unmercifully. I was lacing my tennis-shoes up as fast as I could when I saw the spaghetti sauce poured all over them. I'd have to get a pair of shoes too now. Slowly, I exited the locker room to an ecstatic Jenny.

"You look amazing Bam Bam," she screamed clapping, "but don't tell me you're going to wear those destroyed shoes. Here, I had some converse with the outfit too, stay right there." Crap! I just knew that it could get worse and it did. Jenny pulled out a pair of black, all-stars that went all the way past the knee; just what I needed to come off more girly. No, being petite and having pale skin wasn't enough today; No, today I'd need to also be wearing girl clothes. I was lacing the shoes when I realized the laces were neon pink; great, icing on the freaking cake. I left my hair down and went out because there was one last thing I'd need to complete this, something to see with. I ran to my locker as fast as I could and grabbed the bag holding my glasses before I thought Kendall had arrived, but when I felt two hands cupping my ass, I realized that I'd failed. I put the glasses on and turned to face a stunned Kendall leaning against the locker next to me.

"Careful Logie," Kendall said smirking, "Cause someone might take advantage of you in those clothes … like me!" HE bent me over like some corny scene out of a forty's movie, but it went a little farther than a smooch; Kendall had decided to force me to let go and go with him as our lips collided in one of those really erotic kisses. The ones with tongue involved, and I'd be damned if I didn't think it was the coolest thing in the world.

"Be careful," said Camille with Carlos by her side.

"You could get her pregnant," Carlos said, high-fiving Camille when we came up for air, "Oh, it's Logan that he's humping in the middle of the school. Go on then."

"Nice shorts Miley," (they were Hannah Montana brand after all), "but they don't leave a lot the imagination," Camille said winking, before her and Carlos walked on.

"Awe, screw them, I kinda wish you'd dress like this more," Kendall said, smiling when he got a good look over me, "But, when did you start wearing glasses."

I blushed a little, deciding to answer the question honestly, "Actually, since the third grade, but I've worn contacts since the eighth, and I've kinda kept it from you since then."

"I don't know what's cuter," Kendall responded, "that you wear glasses, or that their hipster glasses," he said, quirking an eyebrow while I grabbed my books to be early for the next period.

"Don't judge me," I replied, the blush slowly, but surely disappearing, "I've been through a lot of trends, and trends are like weather in California. Everyone follows them, but not all of them stick."

"I like when you start California Dreamin," Kendall, responded, his hand still around my ass, "because you get all giddy." We both sat down when I realized just how neon the shoe-laces were and ten times worse, we were watching a movie today in Physical Science. They shown out like they were flood lights; but this could get better cause guess who couldn't stop looking at the tiny shorts; Mr. Eyebrows himself, Kendall Knight. And when Kendall couldn't stop staring at my booty shorts the whole movie and so everyone else began to stair. As if my reputation wasn't bad enough for having sexual ticks, like pencil biting. Yet, this long day was not over, not even close. Because my very last period of today turned out to be a very interesting Physical Education. Besides the fact that the coach was a little pervy, I completely forgot my Gym uniform and would have to do everything in the skimpy outfit I was wearing. This had to be the worst day of my life.

"Mr. Mitchell, *traveling eyes to my bottom* you are trying to tell me that you are not prepared for class," Coach Thomas said, eyeing me up and down. I usually was fine with using sex appeal to get out of situations if I could, but this was very different. I just didn't feel comfortable doing it to a teacher, but my senses took over a little.

"Yeah Coach Thomas," I responded, biting into my bottom lip and looking away, shifting a little in the tight shorts, "it's been a bad day."

"No excuses *eyes moving onto my crotch area* this is unacceptable behavior on your part Mr. Mitchell," he said, coming closer to me were we were just a few feet apart. I heard Kendall snickering from the other side of the gym. "Drop down and give me twenty push-ups." I did as instructed to the best of my ability in the ensemble, but it seemed like he had ulterior motives for getting me to do this act. "No Mitchell, you're doing it incorrectly," he barked after my third push up, his eyes back on my bottom area. "You need to go lower," he placed his hand on my rear and started to push down with a little bit of strange pressure. I think I could sue for sexual harassment, but this town was so ass-backwards that I'd probably lose the case. After being all felt up and done with, he sent me on to participate with everyone else; Kendall was wildly amused at what happened.

"Did someone else touch my Bunny," he said, pulling me close, "Because I'll rip their arms off if they did," he said it while batting away a basketball, never breaking eye-contact. I blushed and lifted my leg up mid-way when he kissed me on the forehead while my arms were around his neck; he'd done it again, turned me into a school-girl.

"Don't you think we should play with everyone else Kendall," I said, starring at all the boys around us, "We could get in trouble and I've already gotten detention for next week."

"Thomas is too busy watchin your ass sway to even talk," Kendall said, finally moving to pick up the basketball sitting next to us. "But if you really want to play, I could give you private lessons," he put the ball in my hands and picked a goal that was a little far away, but empty to shoot at. At first, I thought maybe we'd play a little, which I was very bad at, yet when we got there he stepped behind me and wrapped his arms around mine to help guide me, his body on top of mine. "You do it more like this Sugar," he said, lifting my hands and releasing them up as we threw the ball together. Then I felt the extra member join our party against my back-side. "Sorry," he said smiling at me from behind, "what can I say, he wanted to join our game too." This type of thing was happening way to often this last year, and I was beginning to like it.

**Author's Note: ****UPDATE IMPORTANT**** – A wonderful artist drew this out for me and I feel that all of you reading this have to see. I'm not kidding. You need to check it out cause it's absolutely perfection. Here it is: http:/purple - rainbow .deviantart .com/art/Girly-Logan-8D-271343493.** **Back to the Original Note!**

**Okay, I'm sad because I finished the story and I hyped up the big ending a lot, and then I wrote it and was like, 'This totally sucks,' so I'm going to rewrite it because I've been teasing all of you mercilessly about it. So, I know this all might seem random and honestly, it is, I just felt like putting Logan in daisy dukes and long converse to make his play day worse. I have a thing for converse. I don't know, it's just all I wear with outfits. And I dedicate this chapter to a very loyal reader who always tells me how they feel afterward and I love that because the fact I made you feel anything is exciting to me, so thank you so much klolo8. Luv you gurrl. P.S. I don't know if you could tell by how many times I've used the word 'like,' but I've been watching the Kardashians way too much lately. I like, literally Love You. Like, XoXo**


	26. Chapter 26

Kendall told me he had to go home to change and so I went with Carlos to the auditorium to be early, little did I know, a full hour early. For some reason, Carlos was acting really weird while we were sitting there and I guessed it was because what I was wearing was a little awkward, I mean I never found time to change out of my tinnie-tiny shorts and high converse, and even I had to admit, the glasses were strange on me. I hated them, but being blind wasn't really an option, so here I was, trying to hide my thighs while Carlos kept awkwardly moving from seat to seat. Finally, after ten minutes, I was fed up with the silence and broke the ice.

"Are you okay Carlos," I tried to be gentle, but when he didn't stop moving around, it became increasingly hard, "You're acting really strange." Finally he came to sit next to me, but he still couldn't look me in the eyes.

"I've been thinking a lot lately, and it just feels strange right now to be alone in the same room as you," he said it kind of bitter, but I didn't understand why he was being so cryptic.

"Well, why don't we talk about it so we aren't always so, awkward together, for the rest of our lives. I'm your friend and your best friend's boyfriend, so let's talk about it."

"Fine, I've been thinking a lot about James lately and I wanted to know about him with you. What was your first kiss like? That kind of stuff."I was desperately trying to stifle a giggle, but it was too late because he noticed and glared at me.

"Our first kiss was so. Super. Stiff," I remembered that moment in the car were we just kind of pecked each other's lips, "He kind of told me he loved me even though we just met and then we tried to kiss, but it just didn't feel right. It lasted like five seconds before we agreed to never do it again and then by the next hour, we broke the promise trying it again." That day was a very interesting one for me because James was the hardest thing for me to read. The only sure thing I could say about him after that was that he was really, really gay. Then again, I wasn't someone who could really talk.

"Okay, that was disappointing, but were there any that made you just want to never stop, it felt so good."

"Yeah," he was being honest with me so I decided to be honest with him, "it was right after we got out of the play. I was trying to tell him I loved him and then all of the sudden, he swept me off my feet with this really passionate kiss that made the world just disappear. It was like it could go on forever, and that's when I knew how much he meant to me, because you don't feel that way about someone you don't love."

"Oh"

"But I've answered your question, so it's time to answer mine; James was kind of a flaming homophobic closet case, so why didn't you ever say anything to him. The reason he latched onto me like he did was because when he knew I was gay, he didn't feel lonely anymore. I don't think anything would have made him happier than knowing he wasn't alone before I showed up, so why didn't you do anything."

Carlos looked away grimly before starting, "I kind of always knew James was and to some extent, Kendall, but I never realized it in myself. If I ever thought a boy was good-looking, I just credited it to curiosity and moved on. I really didn't realize that I was attracted to James until the eighth grade when we were working on a project together at his house. He was in a flirty mood that day and I always like when he was flirty because he likes to flatter you when he's feeling frisky," that was one of those very clear memories for me, "but that day, I liked it a little more than flattery. All I could do was just stare at him which he thought was hilarious. I told him it was because I was 'trying to do new hairstyles,' and he bought it, but I knew it was more than that. The best part was, when he walked me home, he kissed me on the cheek before leaving and I'm pretty sure it was just because he was so happy that day, but it meant so much to me. I just layed on my bed, rolling around, thinking about how awesome it would have been if it had went a little farther than my cheek and that's when it all clicked. I was gay and there was absolutely no way around it. The next couple weeks I tried to get myself interested in girls to see if maybe I was wrong, I mean I could be Bi, but nothing, nothing at all. All I could think about was James. So after a long time, I kissed him back on the cheek to show that I kinda liked it and it became our thing; when ever he'd take me home after hanging at his house, he'd kiss me on the cheek and that lasted for a long time, until one day when my mom came home early. He was walking me up to the steps and then he kissed me on the cheek and I blushed really bright, but when I walked into the house and he walked toward his, my mom was standing by the window with her hands across her chest. She just started screaming when she saw my blush and I got really scared.

'_My son's a Faggot; he's damned to hell, I'm damned to hell, how could you do this Carlos, how could you do this to your family,'"_

The way he was yelling was frighteningly real, but I didn't dare disrupt him because it was so interesting. I always thought that Carlos was genuinely the one afraid of gay people in the group. I kind of thought he was just stupid and fell in love with James out of jealousy, but the story he was telling was so real that It forced me to rethink everything I thought I knew about him.

"I told her that I wasn't gay, that it was just a joke that she didn't understand, but she just wouldn't stop screaming. _'Jesus doesn't love homosexuals Carlos; you can't go to heaven living that lifestyle because it's the greatest sin. You hurt Jesus when you kiss other boys, you hear me, you put another nail in his hand.'_ It was just all so overwhelming that I broke down and just started crying and she didn't say one single word to me. She walked into the kitchen and I heard her call Mrs. Diamond:

'_I saw your son kiss mine and I just want to say, I don't know how you are raising that kid, but this won't be happening ever again.'_ Then buzzing

'_Well, Mrs. Diamond, I'm sorry for breaking the news to you, but I agree, maybe it's best if we do separate our boys for a little while until they get over this whole, thing, that they do.' _More fucking Buzzing.

'_Thank you, have a nice day too. Peace of Christ.' _She turned around to me before grabbing my arm and forcing me to go up the stairs, _'Now go in your room and think about what you've done and we'll talk about it when your father gets home.'_

I was scared when I was just sitting in my room, but I made the decision to come out to my father and just face the consequences, but that wasn't as easy as it sounded. _'Carlos Garcia, how the hell are you going to get any were in life if you're a mooching homo. You can't just depend on everyone else because you're making a lifestyle decision. You're straight Carlos, hear that. You are straight and that's that. Got it.'_

And then I told my dad to fuck off and that I liked other men and there was nothing wrong with that and then for some reason, I decided to add that there was no god. My mom just sat on the couch crying, but my dad stood up and got in my face. _'I don't know what's gotten into you, but it's leaving. You are my straight son and you will get married to a WOMAN and have lots of kids with her and one day, you'll look back on all this and laugh. Hear that. You will laugh at how ridiculous you're being.'_

So then I said something to the affect of, _'I can't have kids if I'M THE WOMAN in the relationship'_ and then he slapped me across the face hard. My dad was a cop, so he knew how to make things hurt and I'd never felt pain like that before. I fell on the floor and they both just left the room and I slept on the floor that night. That was one of the worst nights of my life. The next week they transferred me to a different, Christian school and I stayed there for my whole ninth grade year, hardening myself to the world. I decided that I could never be out in this town and if I couldn't then no one else could, so that's when I started to beat kids up for being 'too gay.' When my parents saw that, they were so happy they let me go back to my old school with Kendall and James, but being around them didn't make a big difference. Instead, we all started beating kids up together cause we were so bitter about not being ourselves. James was the only one who ever felt bad after it and we knew why. We always knew why, but it was forbidden to talk about. Then you showed up in that soda shop with Camille and you had the confrontation and all James could do was stare at you. He couldn't take his damn eyes off of you and that upset me because he used to look at me like that. Like I was the only thing that mattered in the world and so I made a decision. You'd go away like all the rest. So I got everyone, except James, riled up to go beat the shit out of you and when we did, it felt really good. It felt good to eliminate competition, especially competition as beautiful as you, but James just wouldn't get into it and it upset me more, but when he said he was going to, rape, you, I knew it was over. I knew he wasn't going to hurt you one bit and that's when I knew our weird relationship was over, and I hated you more. Every moment he would talk about you, I hated you. I hated you down to the pit of my stomach. I just wanted you gone and then I saw how Kendall watched you too. And I formed a plan. If I could get Kendall to go after you, then I could have my James back without saying the forbidden words and so, that's when I spiked the punch you were going for at the party. I told Kendall that the best way to make you his was to start off with sex and build a relationship from there and he believed me. He'd had a boyfriend before and he still freakin believed me he was so blinded by you." He swallowed really hard, obviously not wanting to say what he had to say next, but I had to know.

"So, what the hell happened next," I asked, curious as to know why Carlos was having trouble getting it out.

"I was the one who took the picture of the blow-job you were giving Kendall cause I thought by outing you and Kendall as a couple, James would get mad and be over you."

This time I swallowed hard before going, "Oh," and looking at the ground. I don't think I could face Carlos right now.

"I'm really sorry about that, by the way, but it was a heat of the moment thing and I was so upset at the time and of course, the plan backfired. For some reason, it made James love you that much more and I just gave up and stopped looking. When he came out to make you happy, I just cried. I cried because he never loved me enough to try to find me. To come out for me. He never offered to take me away like he did with you. He never took me away on lavish trips or sang to me. I was just the boy he could kiss on the cheek at the end of the day. And that pain forced me to just want to go away and never look back. Then I got a call and everything changed. Kendall came back to town and I saw my chance again. Little did I know what would happen that night. One of my biggest regrets is not being there to save James from what was happening, but it's too late for that right now. And I blamed you for it all at first. It took me a really long time to see that this wasn't on you, but on me. That when I said 'hate's okay' by doing the same thing they did, I was making things worse and that's when I officially came out to the town, but you already know that. You've seen the rest and you have happiness again, but I don't and that's the last question I want to ask. Will I ever be happy again?"

I still couldn't look at him, but it'd be cruel not to answer, so I started, "It takes a long time because your heart feels like a million pieces of glass that don't fit right. But one day, you find the right person and you feel that glass come together again. It'll never be completely the same for you. There are times were things won't feel right, but you'll be happy. And maybe you'll move on, because honestly, I haven't fully yet." He smiled a little before coming up and hugging me. It was an awkward hug, but it felt good to really get to know Carlos. Carlos made me realize something; that for all of my bitterness about all that's happened to me, I was very lucky. My parents always excepted me, even if they didn't want too, but he wasn't that lucky. And I saw that he needed to get out of here just as much as I did, so I made the decision that day that he was a true friend. And he was a great one at that. This would strengthen our friendship, but then the doors swung open and Jenny flitted into the room with a giant box in one hand and a giant bag in the other and I knew the moment was over. Great while it lasted though.

"Oh my goodness Logan, you still look incredible," she smiled a little; "I really should be a designer shouldn't I."

Then a familiar voice rang out from behind me, "Yeah, you should," Jenny clapped after hearing Jo say it and Carlos ran down to help her, but I was so frickin excited that Jo WAS BACK. Again. "Hey Bambi, I thought we were over with the whole androgyny thing."

"Yeah, I did too before the football team ruined my outfit today."

"And you didn't have a spare at all; that's just foolish."

"Ha. Ha. It wasn't funny."

"What, Dak likes you that much."

"Oh, Dak, yeah I won't be dealing with him ever again."

"And why would that be Bam Bam."

"Tell you about it later, but now, I have to faun over you." Jo had a new haircut; shoulder length, platinum color with a bang. She looked amazing.

"I knew you'd love it, but you have a play tonight Glasses," and with that, we raced down the stairs to the dressing room.

**Author's Note: I felt like I needed a chapter to focus on Carlos more and here it is, so for anyone wondering about how he felt through all of this, enjoy. But, since we're so close to the end, I'll give you a hint, Carlos finds someone after all. I know it kind of ends abrupty, but JO's back officially. Yay! Luv Ya. XoXo.**


	27. Chapter 27

It was play time and I felt that my heart was going to jump out of my chest and run away from me, I was so worried. Jo was there and so was my Aunt, but mom wasn't. And Kendall wasn't. And without Kendall, my strength had left me and so had my breath. Where could he be? He knew how scared I was and he knows how much I depend on him, so why the hell is he missing this. I was lost in thought when Jo started snapping in my face.

"Wake up Bambi," she said right when she got in my face, "You have a show tonight."

"I know, but is Kendall here yet."

"No, but I'm sure he'll be here soon; anyway, stop worrying about him, you know how much he adores you, and you just need to worry about doing good."

"Yeah, but I can't focus if he's not here."

"Well, don't worry, you're going in this play blind, it's not like your gonna know."

"Please don't say that Jo," I said, not able to look at her, "Just tell me when he gets here."

"You really love him, don't you Logan," she said, turning towards the make-up case to the left.

"I thought that was obvious, it's not like I ever try to hide it."

"No, I'm not talking attraction love and I'm not talking comfort love, I'm talking about pure love; the kind of love were the idea of separating makes you want to die."

"I've always felt that way and you know it."

"Actually, it looked from the outside that he was a way to get over James quick. Sammy and I had a bet on how long you'd last together."

"That's kind of a mean thing to say - or do – Jo."

"You know I have a censorship policy; that there I should be absolutely censor less."

"Fine, I'll give you that, but can I ask why; what did it seem like to everyone else."

"It seemed like you were trying to blind yourself to everything else. You wouldn't leave his side, but you'd flinch when he'd touch you, like all you needed was someone with you, not someone to love."

"But he told me he'd loved me from the beginning."

"Yeah, well the way he let you use him like a child's toy at first made it obvious he was obsessed with just you being near. And you don't know how many times he called me, asking advice to try to get you to start acting like he was more than a friend you could sleep in the same bed with."

"I let him hold me."

"You didn't love love James till he died and you let him hold you anytime."

"Oh," I started to ponder what she was saying; I was always convinced we were going too fast, but apparently to everyone else, we weren't going at all.

"And there was that time you kicked him out."

"He told you about that!"

"He called me at like eleven at night wailing about how you hated him now and that he'd do anything to take back what he did. He wanted me to call and tell you how sorry he was, but I know my Bambi well enough to know that that would just upset you worse. What did he end up doing after that, I just stopped taking his calls?"

"He sat by the door all night until I came out."

"Wow. That was smart, and I didn't even help him."

"Yeah, it was one of the most amazing things anyone's ever done for me."

"Then that's when."

"When what?" I broke out of my haze again to look at Jo's smirking face; sometimes she looked just like Kendall.

"When you actually started to love him back."

"You're full of it."

"He wants to make you full of it."

"What's that even supposed to mean?" I shot her a questioning look when she started to laugh.

"Sometimes I forget how innocent you can be. It was a sex joke, you wouldn't get it," and as soon as she said it, it sent shivers down my spine. I was a little sensitive in the area of sex, still.

"Curtain Call," Miss Wainright said, running into the little dressing room and then running on to the next one. It was ten to a room and it wasn't like there were that many kids, but apparently, we were in a rush.

"I can't go on without Kendall."

"Well, thank god he's here," Jo said, giving me a kiss on the cheek and then running off, giving me the strength I needed to finally do this. I can't believe he didn't come to say 'hi' or anything, but he probably just arrived late, but right now, I have a show to put on. And it was going to be flawless.

So the play starts when Lucas (Carlos) is at swimming pool with two of his friends, Vin (me) and Mia (Camille), when he starts to have feeling for both of them. And they aren't mutual friendship feelings, but attraction and it totally scares him so he just tries to forget it. But then, Vin (me) makes an announcement the next day when they're all doing homework together in study hall.

"Why do you keep looking at me Mr. Vincent," Carlos started while we all were careful not to break the fake desk and the 2-dementional bookshelves, "it's creeping me out."

"I'm not looking at you," I respond, burying my face into one of the books I had to bring from home.

"You absolutely are and aren't telling me," Carlos replied, pulling the book down onto the desk a little too hard and Camille had to support it with her knees.

"I'm not."

"Yes you are and I want to know why"

"No!"

"Yes, do you want to read the book"

"NO"

"do you like my hair"

"that's a bit conceited; oh yeah, and NO"

"Do you like my backpack?"

"NO"

"Do you like my shirt?"

"NO"

"What about my pants"

"NO, NO, NO"

"What about me."

"Fine, you win, yes, I like you."

"Ha, you're very funny Vin, but really what."

"I'm being serious."

"Stop messing around, you're scaring me."

"I am, I'm gay."

"Fuck off and tell me the truth."

"He is pretty gay for you," Camille added, still having to keep the table with her knees.

"Shut up Mia," Carlos said, really getting into character and drawing back his fist; I put my hands in front of my face in defense when Camille stood up and took his fist.

"Stop this," She yelled, "If you don't want to hear it, then leave. Right Now," I don't know how Camille did it, because holding this freaking table up is hard. Carlos runs off stage left and the light goes off into a different scene and someone starts to fix the broken table. 

So the next scene follow Carlos across the stage to the bed made of boxes, four wheels under a board and a comforter to cry when he hears about a party on the internet. To get his mind off of what happens, he goes to it and enjoys it more than he should. He starts to steel his dad's cigarettes and then one day, he gets invited to a 'Rave' (ecstasy party) and he encounters drugs for the first time. He tells one of the patrons at the club where they are having the party about what had happened to land him there and the patron started to ask questions.

"So, why did it bother you so much," Stephanie said, doing her best not to laugh at Carlos acting slightly high. 

"It's just, I got scared," Carlos said, doing his best to come off serious and not looney.

"Why?"

"Because, I kind of am scared that maybe, I felt the same."

"Why would that be scary."

"I don't want to screw things up with him"

"Yeah, but it wouldn't hurt to try"

"Yeah, but love screws stuff up, always"

"What the hell makes you believe that"

"My parents; they won't even be in the same room together anymore and for the longest time, they said, 'I love you."

"That's a really bad way to approach things; that's one case when you have a life time to build better ones of your own. You should try, it could be what you need for you."

"I guess, you're right, but not yet, give me time"

"Take all the time you need, I'll never see you again anyway."

"Yeah, you're right."

I couldn't help, but started to laugh a little because the writing could be really contrived at points, but I didn't have a lot of time to do that because I needed to read through my parts again; I didn't know how I'd gotten so far in the first place. So, when he gets scared that it might be obvious he likes Vince a little, he starts to sleep with different girls at school on a regular basis to stress the fact that 'he liked women, a lot.' One night, someone laces the ecstasy with a tiny bit of crack and it gets to Lucas (Carlos) really bad to the point where he's kicked out of the club for almost killing someone. So he ends up at Vince (me, I was back on and this time in the box-bed) house and after a long time of confession and talking, they agree that maybe sex would be the best way to solve some of their frustrations and maybe help form a real relationship (I couldn't figure out how, but I also wasn't going to challenge Jennifer). So the flood light goes out and comes back on like it's the next morning with sex implied because we're all undone. Then my audition parts come up.

"Nice fuck last night, but I have to go," he said, climbing out of the bed in a pair of boxers.

"Wait, why are you leaving," I responded, trying to seem slightly distressed.

"I have real girls to go be with."

"But wait, Lucas, this isn't the way to go, you're stronger than this. We're stronger than this." I said, trying to convey the urgent emotion of the moment. 

"There's no us," Carlos replied colder than Jennifer had, "You were a drunken fling like all the rest were. The difference is, I have to deal with you longer."

"You swore to me that you loved me. You swore this wasn't how it would end. You can't just go back on that promise now. Not after all we've been through together."

"I make a lot of promises and you were just another one of the million shattered ones. You're a good lay, nothing else."

"No, No, you can't just leave me like this, like one of your other sluts, we've known each other longer than this. You loved me longer than this."

"I didn't love you. I didn't ever love you. Don't start throwing that word around when you barely know what that means. You don't know half the things that I've been through. -."

"But I was there with you through it all and I put up with every ounce of crap you could throw at me, and that's why I know I mean more than just a nice ass to you."

"You're kidding yourself if you think that I actually loved you. I used you because I needed a friend and you were desperate, just like last night. I've gotta go."

"I don't understand, you just expect to leave."

"No, I don't expect anything more than satisfaction."

"If that's all you care about, I hope this satisfies you. I know about what you did to Marianne's brother and I have every intention in this world to expose you for it." He pushed me against the weak head-board lightly to not break another thing before leaning into me with a knife.

"You aren't gonna say shit."

"What are you going to do, kill me."

"I could do that and you know Just as well as I that I could."

I backed away and he stormed out off of the stage, forcing me to stifle giggles in the box-pillows; damn that hurt. Anyway, after he finishes with me, Marianne becomes a strong presence in his life and slowly, they start to become a duo. Sex was involved, but it was more about freedom and comfort than intimacy and they both stated it off the bat. Random sex become more prevalent and different drugs as they both desperately tried to change themselves and forget about life. Different hair colors, strange outfits, styles that didn't fit with the norm. They become 'scene kids' just for the purpose of not having to realized what they'd really become because it scared them both. Finally one night during a party, Lucas ends up taking a bad form of ecstasy and almost dies before the paramedics show up.

This is how the play was supposed to go_: While in the hospital, Vin come by to confess his undying love for Lucas which this time he finally accepts, stating that he realized now that he could never truly drive Vin away. Mia comes to terms with this and after a stint in rehab together, Lucas and Mia overcome their addiction and the play ends with the three friends walking out of the Rehab together and back into the everyday world._

This is how it really went: Jo ran up from backstage in a panic to me and Carlos while Camille faked out getting out of arrest for sex and instantly, we knew the news was bad.

"Carlos, Logan, someone set your house on fire," she said, desperately trying to catch her breath.

"Whose house," I cried out, grabbing her by the shoulders.

"Yours."

"What?"

"Kendall was over at your house with your mom trying to bring you your contacts when a few kids around town threw something in the house on fire. It burned to the ground Logan. It's gone and they were there. I have no idea of anyone else."

I looked at her with my mouth wide open, "I thought Kendall was here," trying to see if maybe I said it enough, it would be true.

"No! I lied. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please. I – I don't even know. They're in the hospital now. There's no report on Kendall, but he's the one in the hospital. Look Logan, I don't know how he's doing, so if you want to go, I'll take you."

"You aren't going anywhere," Ms. Wainright said, "the plays almost over, then you can go. Just give it ten minutes."

"To hell with that," Carlos yelled, running out the back door, when Jo grabbed my arm.

"Don't go, you have to finish, you know how important this is, I swear I'll have the car ready for you as soon as your finished, just go get it done."

"What do I say," I asked Kelly while tears rolled down my face.

"Improv it," Camille said while Jo ran out the back door like Carlos did, "I've got a doctor out there now talking about how Lucas isn't doing well, we can finish it with he's dead."I nodded before taking her hand and going on stage, her play crying, me real crying out of terror. It was horrifying to think that I could lose Kendall like I lost James. It was unthinkable.

"He's dead," I said, falling to my knees while I sobbed.

"NO, you're lying," she cried out, tears starting to hit the ground in loud drops.

"No, No, he overdosed, he's gone and he's left us both here, screwed as what to do next."

"We can make it," she responded, getting down with me.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean to me."

"It means, we have to live for him, we have to survive so that his memory can. For all the good times and the real times. Those memories *sob* can't die." This was bringing up James more than I had hoped. But, Camille decided to make this the most emotional ending ever to my already fragile state. "He regretted hurting you more than you can understand, but one thing he always said was, your voice could bring the dead back to life it was so beautiful."

It seemed really far off for her to make the comment, especially in the state I was in, but I played along, "He did, he loved me."

"Yeah he did"

"Then why did it end like this, why couldn't we have died happy together than him going like this."

"Life's a bitch, but would you do me a favor."

"What the *sob* hell kind of favor could I do right now."

"Sing for me, help me forget." She gave a smile for an instant and I got what she was doing, she was trying to get me to close the show with a song, and at the moment, I had a specific one in my mind.

"Ok *sob* kay," and then I started, trying my best not to cry to much:

I can't *sob* remember when  
><span>He looked at me and cried  
><span>Said something broke inside of you  
><span>Were my best friend  
><span>Whatever come our way  
><span>You know I'm your *whimper* gal 'till the e-e-end

(my soggy cheeks began to hurt, but the emotion was flowing through me so hard, I just wanted to finish so I could go) 

When I finally go away  
><span>I know you'll look for me one day

When you let love down  
><span>Oh you let love down  
><span>I don't have to remind you  
><span>But you know that I'm around  
><span>When you let love down  
><span>Oh you let me down  
><span>Get a little love down  
><span>Let it down oh oh

(I re-fell to my knees after trying to stand up, but this time it wasn't acting, it was fear)  
>[ Lyrics from: .comlyrics/l/lady_gaga/let_love_ ]  
><span>I can't remember when<span>  
><span>You put your *sob* hands on mine  
><span>But couldn't play in time when we  
><span>We're *whimper* not *whimper* together  
><span>Just sing a little song *sob*  
><span>Blueberry kisses foreve-e-er<span>

When I finally go away  
><span>I know you'll look for me one day

Oh yeah it's so sad

When you let love down  
><span>Oh you let love down  
><span>I don't have to remind you  
><span>But you know that I'm around  
><span>When you let love down  
><span>Oh you let me down

(I fell to my side, lying on the floor like it was a bed while my head rested on my arm and the drops fell to the ground)

Get a little love down  
><span>Let it down oh oh

Oh oh  
><span>Don't let me down  
><span>Oh don't let me down  
><span>Oh oh

When you let love down  
><span>Oh you let love down  
><span>I don't have to remind you  
><span>But you know that I'm around  
><span>When you let love down  
><span>Oh you let me down  
><span>Don't let me down *sob*  
><span>Let it<span> *sob* down  
><span>Can't let love *sob* down  
><span>Let it *sob* down  
><span>Won't let love down  
><span>Let it down  
><span>  
>"You. *sob* Let. *whimper* Love. *wipe tears* Down."<p>

And then just as rapidly as I had finished, I jumped off the stage and ran out the back door, the audience watching in pure intrigue.


	28. Chapter 28

**Author's Note: So this is going to be my one and only chapter in a different perspective; I like to keep a story consistent so I hate when everything gets all changed up on me. But I felt, for a mega ending, I could shake it up a little. Also, it's in the third person just so it's not too confusing with Logan's personal narrative in the normal story. I wrote it kind of semi-narrator, semi-Kendall cause I got to keep that bit of flare to my writing; otherwise you'd never know it was me. Luv ya. XoXo**

Kendall had told Logan that he had to go to the house and change before he came to the play tonight, but that wasn't really the reason. The reason was ten times more important than that and he knew it in the pit of his stomach. Because after seeing Logan's face the day he gave him the white promise wring, he knew there was only one thing that could beat that. And the red box Kendall had was burning a silver hole in his pocket. But he wouldn't make a move till he got Logan's mom's permission since he didn't have a dad. So that morning of Logan's big day, Kendall called Logan's mom to see if they could meet up before they left.

"Hi Ms. Mitchell, I'm Kendall Knight," Kendall said into the phone while Logan was away with friends in a circle in the corner.

"Sorry, I don't need to be saved today, I'm Cuban Jew," she said; he could hear the slight tint of whisky in her voice already.

"No, I'm not here to talk to you about Church," Kendall replied, smirking that that was her first reaction.

"Okay, I don't need to buy anymore crap. I'm a teacher on a day off. No thanks." She responded, hanging up before Kendall could say anything else. That annoyed him a little, but he'd do anything for the beautiful brunette and trying to talk to his mom was included.

"Ms. Mitchell," he started before getting cut off.

"Look, I don't know what you're pushing, but I'm not interested," she said rudely when the blonde finally spat out why he called her.

"I'm your son's boyfriend Ms. Mitchell, I stay over every night. I'm the one who refills your shot glasses when we're watching baseball."

"Oh, Bent Nose, it's you, sorry, but I've already gotten a call from the school asking me to come in for some extra planning time today and I told them 'to hell with that,' because for ten grand a year, I'm not doing a piss once extra." Kendall had never heard that expression before, but he wasn't going to screw this call up by saying something. He had already absorbed 'bent nose' with no freak-out. If that didn't faze him, nothing else could.

"I just wanted to know if I could talk to you about your son, it's important."

"What, is he okay?"

"Yeah, it's more concerning him than about him."

"You aren't going to leave him are you, because I can't deal with him when he's suicidal."

"NO! I just need to ask you for a favor; I wanted to know if I could come by after school and talk to you about this."

"Isn't today play day though."

"It's imperative."

"We both know you don't know what that means at all."

"Yeah, but I have to go to Advanced English with Logan today and the teacher said to use the vocab more often."

"Well, you can come by right after school and talk to me, but try to get some of Logan's fashion sense to rub off on you so you can help me get dressed. God, what's the point of having two gay kids if one of them is straight. I'd date you if you didn't like my son. I'd still date you even then if you were bi, but fuck, you're all the other way. What's the point of playing for the other team if you were the wrong jersey?"

"Goodbye Ms. Mitchell, see you later," Kendall responded smiling, his mother would have never been that candid. Also, he liked not being a giant stereotype; he felt special for liking Kiss more than he could ever like Madonna. It meant that even when he was gay he was different and after getting to know Logan, he had decided that different was good.

"Yeah, yeah, see you later," she said right before he heard a click of the old-fashioned phone.

The day went slowly at first until Logan showed up at his locker and they flirted a little; Logan was acting strange though and finally, he confessed that he was afraid of what the day held. And Kendal didn't like that. He was going to make today the best day in the brunette's life and when he said that, it made him want to cry. And it all upset him so much that Logan was having a bad day that he lost his cool with a teacher and got sent to the principal, but Mr. Cunningham didn't even pay attention. He let him off with a warning for touching Laura's thigh too suggestively and he let the blonde leave. But he did wonder, who the hell was Laura?

When he got back to class, Logan looked relieved and that made him feel amazing; he hated thinking that Logan was stressed or worried. He loved him too much to want to ever be the source of concern, but his nerves were all to shot to think about things first and not just act. And then freaking lunch happened. Kendall had made it very clear to Dak that he was to never even think about Logan again, and yet Dak not only cat-called at him, but he hurt him. Again. And all Kendall wanted to do was find Dak and beat the living shit out of him, but seeing Logan in skin-tight, volley ball booty shorts just made him drop everything. How could one little teen look so amazing in everything. And the dominatrix-boot, converse didn't help one bit at all.

"Careful Logie," Kendall said smirking, "Cause someone might take advantage of you in those clothes … like me!" The blonde wrapped his arms around him and bent him backwards into a kiss, to set the scene just right so that if anyone ever tried to hurt Logan again, they was also hurting Kendall. And not a whole lot of people would mess with Kendall Knight. Not unless they had plans on dying, but the taller boy just couldn't focus; Logan was too sexy. He slipped his tongue into the other teen's mouth and for the first time in a while, he actually let it in and tried back. And it was so incredible for Kendall when everything collided. It was like time stood still.

"Be careful," said Camille with Carlos by her side.

"You could get her pregnant," Carlos said, high-fiving Camille when we came up for air, "Oh, it's Logan that he's humping in the middle of the school. Go on then."

"Nice shorts Miley, but they don't leave a lot the imagination," Camille said winking, before her and Carlos walked on. Kendall couldn't lie either, they reminded him a lot of the ones she wore all the freaking time. And it made him hotter thinking about Logan pole dancing on top of a gelato cart like her. That would be just too much.

"Awe, screw them, I kinda wish you'd dress like this more," Kendall said, smiling when he got a good look over him, "But, when did you start wearing glasses." After a frazzled explanation by Logan, Kendall just accepted it and moved on, but he was stuck on that amazing ass. He didn't know how a dorky, petite teen could be so well endowed in the rear, but he liked it. It was obvious he was born to be gay, cause that just couldn't be natural any other way. Logan blushed all Science class while Kendall and the rest of the students studied every aspect of his figure in that outfit. And those shoes made his legs look so long. Or was it the shorts. Aw, Kendall didn't know or care. P.E. was hilarious for him to watch Coach Thomas exam Logan like he wasn't real. Thomas was always creepy, but when he started to push on Logan's bottom during push-ups, the blonde couldn't help but laugh. He never read gay off of the coach, but the brunette certainly could turn anyone after walking around all day in that get-up. He was like sex on legs. But Kendall was relieved when he walked back over and played with him. He'd never admit it, but he loved it when Logan was so vulnerable about sports and so on. The blonde liked having to guide him through every single aspect and today, it was his _hardest_ time yet. And he meant it in every way it could be taken, because Logan noticed it immediately.

"Sorry," Kendall said smiling from behind Logan, moving his hand down to the smaller boy's hip, "what can I say, he wanted to join our game too." When Logan grabbed his back and jerked him forward into his ass harder, Kendall almost died. He needed to get the brunette in those clothes much more often. But after class, he made him a promise that he would bring him his spare contacts and come to the auditorium as fast as he could and if he had any true intention to actually do that and talk to Ms. Mitchell, he'd need to leave immediately.

And that's when everything went to hell.

"Ms. Mitchell," Kendall said while sitting on the woman's bed, "I wanted to talk to you about Logan and our future."

She came out of the closet with two different dresses, "Which one, the purple one or the red one."

"The purple one," Kendall replied, "It'll match your smeared lipstick."

"Not helping," she yelled back from the closet, "especially if you really want to talk to me."

"Fine, the red one because it will look nice with your red flats."

"Thanks hun," she said, running to the mirror to start her new layer of make-up, "I knew you could get gayer."

"Don't count on it staying this way."

"Wouldn't dare; I'd miss my Brewers partner too much."

Kendall laughed a little before deciding that right now would be the best time, "Ms. Mitchell, I know I haven't been going out with your son for long."

"Yeah, two months and you've already had sex. What a great thought," she threw her hands in the air before turning the curling iron on.

"Well, I wanted to know if I could take our relationship to the next level," the blonde said, standing up to look at her.

"What, 'next level;' the only thing after, that, that I can think of is marriage, or should that be before it," she gave him a quick glare before facing the mirror again. "That's where I was going with this."

"You want to marry Logan?"

"Yeah, I want to marry Logan Mitchell and make him mine permanently."

"You want to friggin marry Logan?" she screamed, dropping the iron and facing Kendall.

"Yup."

"Saw that coming," she said while picking the iron back up and facing the mirror, "You already are a married couple. My parents see more action than either of you."

"So I can?"

"Knock yourself out on marrying him, but be careful, because I don't think he's ready for it."

"Oh, he's ready."

"What makes you say that?"

"Because that white ring turned him into a love sick puppy"

"Yeah, that could do the trick."

They both laughed a little when they heard the crash of glass and a strange smell started to seep into the air.

"What the hell was that," Ms. Mitchell yelled, pointing at Kendall to find out. He swung the door open to see the flaming bag tip onto the turned-on stove and then the ball of fire came rolling at the room. Grabbing Logan's Mother, he threw them both out the nearest window into the yard, but not before a burnt piece of tree fell on him and knocked him out, singing his arm. Kendall could smell the acrid smell of burnt flesh when an over-whelming darkness hit him and he passed out due to the pain.


	29. Chapter 29

Sitting in that familiar hospital chair, I began to truly consider things like life and death; love and hate. What truly was the difference; were is the line in the sand that separates love and hate because they were basically the same thing. Kendall was the perfect example of that and so was I. We had both hated each other so much because we loved each other more than we wanted to ever realize. But watching him in the hospital bed now, while different doctors did different things, I realized just how fragile life was. In the last year, I'd experienced almost anything life had to throw at me and still, it somehow could throw more shit in my face. I was beat up my first day in town. I'd had sex. My best friend got raped and acted like it didn't happen. The love of my life had died while I was forced to watch. I'd gotten taken advantage of and in a way, raped too. I'd lost it all and still, I didn't see this coming. How did I not frickin see this shit coming? Because for some very weird reason, life had decided to take it all from me one at a time, so why would it spare my reason to live anymore. The last year had forced me to grow-up and realize a lot about myself. That all of those things from before were no different; love and hate was the same exact thing, just different levels of intensity; life was death and death changed lives. It was all a cycle. And all Kendall was doing was sleeping. I was awake all day and night and all he would do was sleep. And what if this sleep turned into something much longer than that. Death and sleep look a lot alike.

It didn't matter if it was too many pills or slit wrists, but I wasn't living without him. I'd failed at dying with James, but this time, I wouldn't screw up. There was no one to stop me. Carlos has Camille, Jo has Sam, Mom's got her Sister and I had Kendall. And without him, there was no need for me. And the hardest of all to accept was that it was all so very familiar to that dreaded night. I knew that sitting here in tears wouldn't help me or him at all, but it passed the time. And my only hope left was to pass enough time till I woke up. I woke up at home in L.A. were I had never left and my dad was alive and James, Kendall, and Carlos had never had their lives screwed up because of me. I knew that that would never happen, but if it did, tears were as good a time machine as any. It was late and after crying for hours without my contacts, I just couldn't help but fall asleep in the chair. And that horrifying dream came back to me, but this time, I didn't wake up after it all ended. I just existed. And it was the worst part of all, the thought of living without any of them. That's when I heard the voice of my dreams.

"Sugar," Kendall panted from the bed, "Why Are You *breathe* Crying?" he smiled when he saw my face light up.

"Kendall," I yelped, jumping out of the seat in excitement, "You woke up, you're awake. How- How are you feeling? Right now." My sentences were choppy, which would have usually bugged me, but I didn't care. He'd woken up. He was okay.

"Iloveyou," he huffed out, closing his eyes back in the process, "Iloveyoualo….." and he left me again, alone. I started to scream, doing my best to wake him up, but there was no response out of him, just heavy breathing. I had to give up.

"You can't leave me like this," I finally cried out hours later, ribbons of tears winding down my eyes, "No, you aren't leaving me alone here. They've taken all they can from me, but they can't take you. No one can take you. They took Jo from me and they took my dad. They even took James, but you were supposed to be the exception." I started pacing the room, my arms wrapped around myself to stay warm, "You were my absolute and you still are, so if you even consider leaving, you're mistaken. So … So, you need to wake up again right now and talk to me or, or, or I meet do something to myself. Do you hear that Kendall, I could hurt myself if you are gone and no one could take that back if you don't wake up soon. So yeah, get up, right now, get up." I ran over to the bed and leaned my head on his legs. It'd been two days to take him to wake up. And he just leaves as soon as he shows. No, no this behavior just wouldn't be allowed. Especially not if my sanity mattered. "Look Kendall," I said, "I've given everything up for you. I've given away my privacy and my innocence. And I regret none of it when you're around, but when I'm alone, all I want is it all back. But I remember that it was for you and that's all that matters and it does. So I want a favor for once. Get up. Right now. I don't care if you leave me for someone else, just get up." I put my hands on his stomach when I felt something lightly brush my own. A steel, Velcro feel caressed my hand that was on his abs, and I just stayed there. This time, no jumps or anything that could startle him because he meant too much to me to do that. Instead, I stayed perfectly still just to get some feeling from him.

"Now why would I want to do That," Kendall replied smiling back at me, "Especially when you're my fiancé."

I gave him a confused look, "It's just a promise ring Kendall, we aren't engaged; you were the one to remind me of that at first."

"Oh Crap." He replied, giving me an awkward smile as I began to put two-and-two together.

"Kendall, are you going to propose."

"No. What would make you think that."

"You are so going to propose."

"Nope."

"Yes you are."

"I'm tired Logie, we'll talk about this later."

"Hey, no, I finally got you awake, you aren't leaving me again. Not by a long shot," I turned around to face him triumphant, but it was too late. He was asleep again. But something very different had changed the mood for me. I crawled into the hospital bed with him, wrapping the arm that wasn't hurt around me and smiling while I laid my head on his chest. He was going to propose. He was going to finally claim me as his. Finally. And it made me feel really bad for feeling like I did before he woke up, but it also made me nervous. We were both seventeen year-olds in our junior year of High-School, going onto senior. We had only known each other for maybe four months intimately because he was gone for a while getting help for himself. And we'd have to leave the state if we were ever going to actually get married and that would be a lot of trouble. And did I mention that we're underage. Yeah, I think I did, but crap, it's just to amazing to think about it. Living in a nice house somewhere in upstate New York with an adopted daughter and a dog and living around friends. And Jo could live next to us with Sam and Camille and Carlos would be tearing Hollywood up. It was just so incredible. And it was all so much that Kendall caught me muttering a simple phrase.

"Mrs. Logan Harris Knight. I'm going to be Mrs. Logan Harris Knight. Mrs. Logan Harris Knight." Then I heard Kendall start chuckling.

"Don't you think that that's a little presumptuous?" Kendall said, obviously delighting in catching me in something as embarrassing as this, "And wouldn't you be Mr. Mrs. Logan Knight. Unless you have a secret you aren't telling me about."

"That's not funny," I said back, looking into his emerald eyes, "Cause I'd hate to have to say 'no' to your proposal. That would be a travesty, don't you think."

"I don't know what Travesty means Bunny."

"Well, anyways, go ahead. Do it."

"Do what?" he asked coyly, starting to really annoy me; I was the one always playing hard to get, not him.

"Uchhh! For the best thing to ever happen to me, you're getting on my nerves."

"Oh, am I."

"Yes, you're being very annoying."

"No, I meant the best thing to happen to you."

"What do you think?"

"Not an answer"

"I feel like we've had this argument a million times before."

"Then this will be our million and first because you have to tell."

"You want me to profess my love for you," I asked, a little confused on what exactly I'd have to do.

"Bulls eye."

"Fine. Thank You." I huffed out, but then it all came flooding out as the loneliness came back to me, "Thank You for being the best thing to happen to me. Thank You for saving me from myself. Thank You for loving me even when I didn't love you. Thank You for taking care of my mom who you barely know. Thank You for existing."

"No bunny, thank you." He replied smiling, "I can't think of a greater gift in this life than you entering it. You taught me things about myself that I had tried to ignore for so long. When everyone else had given up on me, you were there by my side and that's when you gave me heaven. You're smiles like crack for me; watching you laugh or giggle or just be happy in general makes me actually feel like I belong on this Earth. Like I'm not some weird stranger or alien that'll never amount to anything. And that's why I'm so pissed that I'm lying in this bed right now, because it makes you sad, and I had something important to do for you."

"What would that be Kendall?" I said sarcastically, looking into those eyes that seemed like gems.

"Remember that day a while back when I gave you this," he pulled my finger forward for everyone to see, "well, the best moment in my life is the moment I saw you smile with this on. You were so happy and all it was was just a promise ring. And then I realized something. There's one promise that I want to make you that means more to me than anything. I want to promise to be with you forever and as soon as we walked out of that mall together, I saw what I needed to do." Ugh, I just want him to do it. Just propose to me and make me into the happiest fourteen year old, love sick school girl like he always could.

"Kendall," I tried to stay calm even though I was so anxious, "just do it."

"Logan Harris Mitchell, would you marry me," my jaw dropped and my eyes got wide when I saw the small red box with the ring in the center of it; I was expecting it, but it for some reason, it didn't make anything less surprising or exciting. And that ring. It was beautiful and unique, exactly like our relationship. It had a thin silver band that contained three main gems. An emerald, A diamond, and A citrine. I looked up to him when he continued, "I've gotten your mom's permission and Jo's just for good measure in case you didn't trust your mom. That's why I was over there Friday. Because if I was going to do this, I would be doing this right."

"YES!" I exclaimed, squeezing his waist tight against me and burying my face in his chest that had become my pillow. I didn't want anything more than for this. To be able to fully have and be owned by Kendall Knight. Nothing mattered right now besides that.

"I think this will be the only time I get to say this, but Logan, if you don't calm down, you might break me," Kendall said smirking.

"Oh, wouldn't want that to happen would we," I said, backing off of him a little, "I've already almost lost you once today. Not going through that again."

"Wait, you thought you'd lost me," Kendall asked, "I just got a little burned. I didn't almost die."

"It's just, all you would do is sleep. I could never get you awake and I just assumed the worst. That you had gone into the same coma I'd lost, James, too," I responded sheepishly; was he really going to make me feel bad for caring about him.

"Fuck"

"Why fuck"

"It fucking hurts me to think of you so sad over something that didn't even happen."

"Uh, you've been asleep for two days straight. That's pretty much a coma; it did happen."

"No, you've been asleep for two freakin days; Every time I'd wake up, you were in that damn chair asleep and I couldn't find the nerve in me to wake you up. At all. So I'd go back to sleep so I could try to catch you later." I didn't even remember sleeping, but there was a lot of last weekend I couldn't remember.

"You know, you set the bar high with this ring," I said, smiling while I showed off the stunning thing on my finger, "I don't know how you'll beat this with the wedding."

"When the time comes, I'll throw you a wedding bigger than Kate's, you just be ready," and after he kissed me on the cheek, I was. I was always ready to spend the rest of my life with Kendall.

**Author's Note: Honestly, this has to be the hardest chapter I've ever tried to write, but it was nice. I hated the original and I wasn't impressed with the second try, so I scrapped it and started again, but kept the engagement thing from the original because I absolutely loved it. If it seems random, I totally just gave you my excuse. Oh, and sorry for another crappy play story, but I'm a better actor than a play write. And I just felt leaving a note would be totally inappropriate, so I decided that this was the only other place I could. And the next chapter's the end. And be ready, cause if you thought the story was already campy, the end is like a circus. But a good circus because *spoiler* the storm has past. Nothing bad can happen to them anymore. And it's time for a dedication finally and I want to dedicate to a new reader, ishop67, who is totally frickin awesome. Love you little shopper, and I'm so happy you decided to read. BTW, the Kate is Princess Kate, not Katie. If you go that, great, but I was revising and I was like 'I didn't bring Katie into this story did I,' and then I got it. Luv ya. XoXo**


	30. Chapter 30

**Author's Note: So I just want to welcome you to the very long, campy last chapter of the story and cause it's the last chapter, I totally get to repeat the first one and do two notes and a mega dedication at the end, so be ready. And I've never done this before, but I have to admit a very deep, dark secret to all of you. I don't own BTR. I know, I'm sorry if it seemed like I did, but now that we've disclamered that shit, let's go on. Just while we're on the technical side of writing, this is the end mixed with the last two original chapters that I scrapped so, it will jump around, but I think it'll be worth it. And what's left of the beginning cast are all officially back. And, my last dedication before my mega one is to Jessayra, because girl (guy, I keep fucking up genders, sorry), you're comments make me blush whenever I see them. It makes me really excited to think that you can visualize it all in your head cause I have to read like that, like it's a movie, and to know that I'm pulling that off for you guys is a super great feeling. Luv you. I hope you all enjoyed and I'll see you in a minute. Luv ya. XoXo.**

_1 week later_

After a week of congratulations and love, I'd come to terms with the fact that I was going to get married to Kendall Knight. I would be Mrs. Mr. (confusing right) Logan Harris Knight and there was absolutely nothing any law maker or hater could do about it, because I loved him more than I loved my own life. It didn't matter how many bags on fire (really a weird thing to do) or in-the-closet sex fiend, fuck offs (there's really no other way to describe Dak, uch) because I was Kendall's. And for once, the police took an active interest in finding out who it was and after extensive investigation, the arson charge was brought up against a few kids in town who were apparently 'offended' by my outfit on Friday. I just, I can't even understand that. You'd try to kill my family because you don't like what I wear? What the hell? But it was a little late now to be pissed and I was in absolute bliss with Kendall. And I know it's weird how my mood has been lately, but what can I say, I'M GETTING MARRIED!

Kendall was and always will be my absolute world and I was his and that's all that mattered. But, today we were dedicating to Carlos, just cause, cause. Cause Jo decided to stay in town longer, cause we were happy, cause of cause. It was nice just to have the old crew back together. Jo, Kendall, Myself, Carlos, and Camille and this time, we brought Jenny cause she had made her way into all of our hearts with her, her. There wasn't a whole lot to say about Jenny Tinkler besides fun, nice, incredible, ect. You know, not a whole lot. Anyway, Carlos wanted to go to the arcade and Jenny almost did a back flip when she heard, so there was no way of not going. And here we all were, standing with a bunch of twelve year olds while Carlos and Jenny fought over who got to drive the virtual car. It was hilarious.

"NO, I won," Carlos yelled while eating a corndog.

"As if, you crashed like fifty cajillion times, I was the queen of the race," Jenny made a crown with her fingers before Carlos slapped her hands.

"You're more like the Queen of losing," he said before running away and she started to chase him. Dear god, I was worried about kids and didn't even realize I practically had them.

"I'll catch those two," Camille said smiling, "He's my bestie anyway, future Gwen Stefani doesn't get to take him from me." She ran off when Jo grabbed my finger.

"This is absolutely beautiful Kendall," she said, looking at the shimmering ring on my finer, "how the hell did you afford this."

He blushed a little (a first for him I think) before starting, "It was my grandmothers, but it was missing a diamond. So, I decided to have it replaced, but I couldn't afford a new diamond so I bought a citrine stone to take its place to represent those beautiful Hershey eyes Logan has, and then I was inspired. I had the second diamond replaced with an emerald and kept the diamond in the middle to forever be a symbol of us. So every time we fight or are angry, he's reminded of our relationship."

"So essentially," she said smiling, "you're a cheapo who was inspired by how poor you are."

"Well, when you put it like that, it's not as romantic," he said smirking, which at this point, felt like normality, he did it so much.

"It's sweet any way you spin it honey," I said, getting on my tippy toes to kiss his cheek.

"Awe, I knew you'd find a way to make it alright Sugar," he hugged me close, even if his arm was in a sling, but we both saw Jo mock put her finger in her throat.

"Ick, way to turn into one of those gross 'lovey-dovey' couples, it's sickening," Jo said, fake mad.

"Ahh, you're just jealous because Sam hasn't proposed to you," I tickled her, forcing her to jump and turn.

"Sammy and I will get married if we feel like it, but unlike you two, we aren't completely obsessed with each other."

"You're missing out,"

"No, you're missing out, like giving up Hollywood dreams to get married."

"Not giving up, just putting on hold."

"We have a band now anyway," Kendall interjected into the conversation.

"Oh, and what are you called," she stuck her tongue out at us.

"Big Time Rush," he replied smoothly, making me blush; it seemed like everything he did right now made me blush.

"Actually, that's really creat-," right then, she was cut off by a diving Jenny and Carlos and screaming Camille behind them. I wasn't going to lie, it was hilarious to watch and she knew it because we all started to laugh together.

"STOP IT!" Camille shouted over the laughter, "AND COME OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!" Jenny and Carlos hesitantly approached while Kendall and I helped Jo up back to her feet. "Behave or we'er leaving."

"But she started it," Carlos whined like a little kid.

"NO, No buts, no more fighting or I'm taking you both home. Got it." They both nodded before walking away defeated. It only took them five minutes to start fighting again over the air hockey game they were playing, but the silence was great while it lasted.

"OH MY GOD, I'm never having kids, this is just too much work," Camille said exhausted, "No, I'll just stay an old maid forever because this is too far."

"But you promised to go to Hollywood with me," I pleaded, grabbing her arm, "Remember, you were going to come and get famous on your own while I got famous. We were going to be a famous family."

"Yeah, but we're all living in Kenny's grimy apartment complex, so I've gotten over fame; I just want out of there, cause no offense Jo, but it's no fun sharing a room with you," she said smiling because she knew how much Kendall hated that nickname. It made his skin want to jump off and run away because it could be called that, but it was really funny to watch his face when someone would say that. I didn't even get to say it, but then again, why would I want to hurt my future Husband. Now that I think about it, It was a weird transition for everyone to have to move into the building, mainly cause they got three rooms on level four and Kendall and I were in level one, but what were you going to do, it's not like I was going to leave Kendall for anything, that was unthinkable. Missy thought it was the funniest thing to watch them move in because the elevator was broken that day, but Karma kind of got to her because she broke a heel while laughing and had to wear the pair she always complained about. Strangely enough, Missy and My mom and her Sister had become really good friends and sometimes, they would go to 'Auntie Vida's' with her, which seeing them come back plastered from a gay bar was entertaining. Occasionally, Carlos would come over and practice with us, but most of the time, it was to have fun with Camille.

"I need a Boyfriend, bad," he told the both of us a few days ago.

"That's obvious," I said, cuddling with Kendall while we watched glee, "You're practically dating Camille right now."

"Yeah, well, you two are about the only other boys I have a chance with; it's not like I want to date any of the thirty year olds that go to the bar next door."

"There's Missy," Kendall said smiling; Carlos stormed out, but that provided us with the giggles all night, so it didn't matter that we were alone. Kendall made me happier than I think I've ever been, so it wasn't hard to be joyous around him, especially now that he was my fiancé. Then the phone started to buzz me back into the present though.

"Logan Honey, someone just called," my mom shrilled.

"You can answer a phone, can't you mom," I said, still smiling, "You didn't get to hurt in the fire anyway."

"When I want your cattiness, I'll request it," she responded, "but no, they called for you."

"For me," I replied, confused, "What could they want; the cops all ready took in the punks who burnt the house."

"This wasn't about the house," she hurried, obviously excited and a little drunk, "they said they were a Record Producer and they wanted to meet you immediately at some place called 'House of Rocque,' a music store over on the east side. Go, Now." She hung up just as fast as she called, but it wasn't even necessary to repeat. Jo, Kendall, and Camille had all been listening.

Immediately after hearing, Camille whistled at Carlos and Jenny before yelling, "Come on Idiots, were gonna go get famous," and with that, we hailed got into the cars and sped off.

We walked into the place and boy was it, strange, like a time machine to some past world were CDs and Records were like the only way to enjoy music. So you can guess I was absolutely in heaven because I have a habit to be retro about music. But, everyone else immediately proceeded to make themselves comfortable in the chairs that were stretched in what seemed like a waiting area, but this was for sure a store of sorts, because every CD had a price on it. That's when two Men walked out of the back-room into the main center area and introduced themselves.

"There you all are, I wasn't expecting you to enter that door," apparently there was another one, "But welcome to the 'Store of Rocque' were we sell the best CDs of all time. Every Classic to Now, but that's not why you are here, you're here because I want to make a deal with you," he pointed to me who was still prying through the racks of disk after disk. I turned as soon as I felt all the eyes on my back and finally saw the two men fully because I was too shy to at first. And they weren't at all what I expected. The man who had started talking to me was big; very big with a close-shaven, but apparent beard and side burns with a bald head and cheap Oakley sunglasses. His hoodie looked a little tight and his jeans were saggy with orange Supras; it was an image that probably wouldn't leave my mind for a while. But his assistant was handsome; he was obviously young, maybe our age, but he looked a lot like James; tall with brown hair and obviously muscular. His hair was kind of short though, a little closer to the head and by no means as volumized as James's and there were a few minor differences, but he had a presence that evoked James; his name was what really did it though.

"Hi, I'm Jacob Maslow, Mr. Rocque's assistant, we're here to talk to Logan Mitchell," he gave me a smile when I took a seat next to Kendall, leaning my head on his shoulder.

"Yeah, that's me and I got to say before we start, all of this is so amazing," I flashed them a smile, but the big man didn't seem amused.

"So, Mr. Mitchell, introduce us to your brother," the bald man said and I giggled a little when Kendall kissed my head again, "Apparently, your very close brother." He gave me a strange, disapproving look when he saw that.

"He's not my brother," I smiled when I looked back at Kendall, "He's my fiancé," I pulled the ring up for the man to see and I saw Jacob grin a little.

"So, you're a," he seemed to have a lot of trouble saying the word, "Gay."

"Yeah, have a problem with that." I tried to stay calm, but if I got one more bigot, I was going to go ape shit.

"Well, it just tends to be a music Poison," he faked a smile, "People will think you're either to camp or not camp enough. I mean, look at Adam Lambert, an amazing singer, but not taken seriously because no one knows how to deal with it right. There's a lot of prejudice."

"We're ready for it," I responded, resting on Kendall's shoulder again.

"We're here specifically for you Logan," Jacob said, still tapping away on his ipad.

"Oh, well, how did you find out about me," I said, quirking my eyebrow to try to elicit a response. I was very curious because we only ever put one video online and it was kind of crappy in the first place, even if it was our plan to just be ourselves and not try to go professional; and I didn't know any big producers, so I was curious.

"You don't go on the internet much do you," the big man said, "You're acapella song at the end of that play was put on someone's channel and it's blown up. You've gotten about ten million views in a few days and immediately, I saw an instant fan-base. You're perfect. Cute, Talented, and an Actor. You're my ticket to fame again."

"With all due respect, how am I your fame ticket," I responded, realizing he'd given me an important edge.

"You get big and then I get name recognition with agents, that means more artists will want to join up to record with me, meaning more name recognition and so on. You'd be surprised how these internet phenomena's blow-up. Look at Justin Bieber." He smiled a little, but Jacobs's face turned white; he saw what his boss had just done.

"So if I said no, you're screwed," and Mr. Rocque got it just as fast.

"Look kid, I'm not negotiating with a High Schooler, you'll come with me and do what I want' got it," he looked angry under his glasses and that's when I saw my chance. To live happily ever after.

"Look, you need me and if you want me, than you better be ready to negotiate a lot, like for starters, we take my whole family out with me. I get to get married to my fiancé in public and not have to live in any shameful closet, and you take me and my band to be famous."

He almost spit up his tea, "What! You expect me to take the kid from Minnesota and make him famous with his friends. Well, you can forget it."

"So we have a deal then," I responded, holding my hand out to him.

"Yeah," he said begrudgingly, "You've got yourself a deal, now go pack your crap up and meet us at the airport by six because we're flying to LA tonight. We'll pay for three months two see if you get picked up and if you do, you get a record deal and a tour." He started to walk away, huffing and puffing when I asked a second question:

"Wait, I wanted to buy a CD."

"Take the frickin CD, take as many as you want, no one buys them anymore anyway." I smiled at how pissed he was before grabbing a bunch of CDs and walking out. With everyone ecstatic. It was finally our someday. Everyone packed as fast as they could and we practically flew to the airport while Jo called Samantha. That was a little harder.

"Sam, we've done it, we're going to Hollywood

What do you mean I can't go, you know this is my dream

So you won't go, look please come we- I can't come home, I wanted to know if you'd pack my stuff and meet us at the airport by five

Okay, see you there, Love- Sam, Sammy are you there."

Quickly, she dropped the phone and hung her head so we wouldn't see what she was doing, but I knew my Jo ten times better than that. When he started to cry, I wiped her tears while Kendall held my waist, "You okay bitch, what's wrong." I tried to use that old nickname, but it felt strange.

"Samantha just hung up on me, like I didn't give everything up to go be with her, and now, and now, she *whimper*, she doesn't love me anymore."

"You don't know that, and you don't have to go with me, you can stay with her, I'll visit," I offered it, but I really didn't want to lose Jo again. I had just gotten her back.

"No way in hell Bambi, this is our dream together, and what's that saying, 'bros before hoes' and you're my best bro, so I'm not going anywhere." She hugged me and I felt squished between the both of them, but it was a good squishiness, so I didn't complain. She was giving everything up for me, like everyone else. But it'd be worth it because we'd finally do what we'd always wanted. To give people music that they could enjoy like we did. To give all those who were oppressed or bullied or felt weird, a platform to be the totally awesome, cool kid. Cause that was the power of music; it could turn anyone into a star and only the most unique, talented people got to use it. And all those kids who feel different like I always did are the ones who live those dreams. All because of the power of a few simple verses.

Sam was standing at the sliding door waiting for us when we were rushing in with our stuff.

"I'm sorry Jo, but I can't leave Minnesota," she said, holding her girlfriend close, "I have too much here, but you need too, so go have fun and don't worry about me. I'll be good." Jo nodded slowly before kissing Samantha lightly on the lips and grabbing her bags.

"I love you Sammy." She smiled a little.

"Yeah, Love you too, but have fun cause I will," they both laughed a little before parting ways and Jo had one tear rolling down from her eye.

"Don't worry Bambi, we're gonna have fun too." And there we were, all seven of us with our luggage waiting for the big man and his assistant to show. And of course, they did.

"So, is this everyone, cause we're not waiting anymore," he gave a strange smile before continuing, "I have a dinner with Katy Perry's people and I don't want to be late if I want to get my newest star a track with her."

"You Mean Band,"

"Same thing, now let's go." We rushed onto the small, private Jet were Jacob was waiting and all got comfortable as fast as we could. I sat next to Kendall while Jo sat next to Camille across from Carlos who was sitting next to Jacob (who he obviously had a giant crush on because he was being super flirty) and my mom and aunt sat in the very back. It was a long ride, none of really minded though, except Mr. Rocque who was pacing the cabin.

"We aren't going to make it, This band isn't going to get huge and I'm going to have another dud, Fuck, not another dud. We aren't going to make it we are.." he just kept walking the tiny cabin repeating himself over and over again when Kendall finally spoke up.

"Calm down," he said smiling, "You're lucky to have us."

"Lucky to have you," Mr. Rocque repeated while his nostrils flared, "You're fucking lucky to Have. Me. Got that."

"Actually Gustavo," Jacob interceded, "we're very lucky to have them," he scrolled down on the ipad and pressed play on the video he was on. Then I started to hear Carlos and my voice singing Billionaire over the cabin.

"I want to be a billionaire, so freakin bad, buy all of the things I never had," My mom was crying while I blushed at hearing my own voice. Kendall simply smiled at me, when he saw me biting my lip.

"I must be the luckiest guy on Earth," Kendall said, kissing me lightly on the lips.

"Yeah, you are," Mr. Rocque answered, turning back to us. He contemplated what he was going to say for a long time before speaking up again, "Now I feel really bad to have doubted you, because after seeing that, not only do I have a marketing idea, but I also realize that you all are talented enough to pull it off." I smiled back at the big man who was finally sitting down in front of us, when I saw out of the corner of my eye the cutest sight ever. Jacob and Carlos were kissing and for a moment, I could swear I saw James again.

_2 Years Later_

It's hard to believe that your whole life could change in just two years, but sure as hell it did for all of us. Our first album came out after about six months of touring with Lady Gaga, simply called BTR, which was marketed towards the teen. And not just girl teens, but all teens who needed the music. Gustavo was so happy due to our success that he bought us a mansion in Minnesota to go back anytime and when we did, we always invited Jenny up.

But we never changed like I feared we would when we hit Hollywood; Carlos still hadn't grown up that much, unless he was around his boyfriend Jacob, who he'd been dating since the album release party after a kiss under the huge glass ceiling. Of course, I didn't leave Kendall's side once because I really didn't trust big parties anymore; also, why would I ever want to be away from my fiancé. But it was great to see Carlos enjoy himself. It seemed like it had been a long time since he'd truly done that.

Even though Camille was acting in TV, she still stayed home with us some nights or would take us out on the town with her. And to top it off, she still lives in the same house with us even though she's one of the highest paid actresses on any network.

Jo stayed with us as a back-up singer before dueting with the three of us on a song that went platinum, but instead of going solo, she still stays with us and performs at local bars and venues unless we go on tour.

We bought my mom and aunt a huge house, near were we all used to live, with a room for everyone, but of course not everyone needed it. Sometimes, Mrs. Knight would come up to visit Kendall and make sure he was okay and she seemed fixated on getting me ready for the wedding, even though we hadn't even set a date. We didn't set a date until our big tour to follow the big album we'd released. And I wasn't even sure of it, but Kendall has a tendency to act first, think later.

"So, you guys pumped! *screams*" Kendall yelled into the microphone in his hand while Jake was setting a time for us from behind the curtains. "Well, I am, because I have a secret for you. *screams* Don't worry, it's not a big collab or anything like that, it's much awesomer, *screams*." I laughed a little because instantly, I recognized that 'awesomer' wasn't a word, "Well, why don't we let Logie tell." Instantly I blushed when I heard him shout the nickname to the crowd, but I turned the microphone up and walked over to where Kendall was standing.

"Well, I don-,"

"Okay, if you insist, I'll do it for you," he smiled at me before turning back to the audience, "He asked me to help him didn't he guys! *inaudible screaming*." I gave up on trying to figure out what was going on, but I guessed I could answer a few questions if he wanted me too, meanwhile, I could just imagine Jake having a heart attack that we missed time. He could be a real stickler. But then Kendall grabbed my hand and held it up, "What's this Logan?" he said sarcastically at my ring finger with the diamond.

"My Engagement Ring? *screams*"

"Yeah, that's right and what do engagements lead too,"

"Weddings? *screams*"

"Right, and are we engaged to get married"

"We're engaged, but I –"

"You heard it here," he held the microphone out to the screaming crowd, "We're getting married on September 19," I looked at him with wide eyes because we had barely talked about it. Now it was official. You couldn't take something like this away. Crap. And I loved Kendall too much to try to back out, so I just had to grin and barrette. I turned to glare at Kendall and he smirked when he saw my face before pulling me into his arms and leaning me back for a kiss in front of everyone in the stadium. It was nice and romantic, not to steamy or erotic, and it got me to give up any anger I had. How could I be mad at Kendall? He was perfection. "And all of you are frickin invited. *screams*" Kendall yelled back at the crowd before turning to my ear, "I promised you we'd beat the princess."Well I did want a big wedding.

Which leads us back to right now at this very moment; September 19, 2013, my wedding to Kendall Knight in the middle of a giant rotating platform in front of thousands of guests. We had only a few personal guests, but Kendall invited fans to show up and of course they did. And honestly, I was happy; I'd always dreamed of sharing myself with my fans and this was the ultimate moment of happiness for me. My wedding dress of sorts was a different story. I went through a lot of different designs till I settled one with of all things, a movie costume designer named Tricia Biggs. And boy was Tricia excited to have one of her pieces going beyond the silver screen, so of course she was calling me every five seconds with updates on the outfit and when she brought it to me, it was incredible. It was an all white jump-suit that than went into flowing sleeves and the shoulders had gold fabric lining them. A high collar accented it with a huge white belt and a big gold buckle on it. The pant legs of the suit went into a pair of white boots with gold soles and the belt was fastened around a skirt-tail thing. It was a bit like a skirt, but stopped in front of my front half so my legs weren't inhibited by it. In all actuality, it acted as the train, but it was a nice hint of gender-bending which had become something that I was good at. Really good at. And i decided to go ahead and do a veil because why not cliche it all. It seemed to be the only way to justify all of my happiness. So there I was in my wedding outfit with my mom by me to take me to the altar.

The altar was a huge, white orb with a rose covered trellis, which Kendall was standing under with the minister. After getting to know Debbie Harry (From Frickin BLONDIE) while on tour with Gaga she offered to get the license to do it and I swear I could have died. If it wasn't for her, I'd never have Kendall back. And Kendall was my everything.

I walked up to the altar under the hot New York sun while cheers came from the rows of fans and I finally got to my position next to Kendall. Jo was smirking next to me before adjusting my train and patting my ass and I almost jumped off the stage. I really wasn't expecting it. And the Ceremony started, but I really didn't pay attention, I was so lost in the blonde boy in front of me. If you asked me two years ago, I would have said you were dreaming, but now, it was all real. He was smiling when Debbie had to ask me twice.

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband," she smiled, but I stared blankly forward.

"Logan," Jo whispered apparently, but I didn't hear that either.

Debbie cleared her throat, "Do. You take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband."

"Yes," I finally said smiling before she looked at both of us.

"I now pronounce you Husband and … Husband, you may now kiss the bride," she smirked after saying it and immediately I got it was on purpose. Everyone knew our positions in the relationship. It was obvious. And like that time on the stage, he bent me backwards, kissing me deep, but this time he didn't stop to be careful. I was worried he'd freak out and try to take me there, but of course Jo interrupted.

"You both know how cute I think you two are together, but maybe now isn't the time to bone in front of everyone together," she whispered to us after about four minutes of passion. I blushed and Kendall pulled off of me, before taking my hand and running me down the long way past everyone and into the limo waiting to take us the reception. It was amazing. And that night was just the same way. Because it finally felt right to give myself fully to Kendall. Every bit of what was Logan Harris Knight now. And every minute of it was amazing. And every minute of my life was amazing with Kendall and Jo and Carlos (who was still on-and-off dating Jacob) and Camille and Everyone else who meant a lot to me.

But, still, nothing felt better than having Kendall's arms around me at night. I have the best Husband alive. My whole life, my mom said "Go to sleep little Logie so your dreams can be happier than your life," but for the first time, "My life was happier than any of my wildest dreams." I fucking love you Kendall Knight.

**Author's Note: Thank you all so frickin much for sticking with me on this story, even when I made every spelling mistake in the world (I can barely read chapter 1) and it's been incredible doing it for you. And I want to rethank everyone I've dedicated chapters too like TheClaire24 and ilovepie554 and everyone else who commented like IceRush, gleechild (Never got to properly say it, but you are an amazing idea machine. I'd hire you if I could), klolo8, ect. All of you that subscribed the story and favorite and all, you made my day. I totally love all of you. So many times I wanted to quit, but you all kept me going and I swear, I'm going to do my best to keep doing good fics. You gave me the best summer-ending gift. Luv ya. XoXo. P.S. It took me awhile to decide, but I'm going to load my second story immediately after this; it won't be everday this time though. It'll be frequent, but not daily. Sorry, but I'm just trying to get the Jarlos started soon. So I really hope you check it all out and it's called "I'm Not Your Toy." Just try my channel. But for all of you. Mwa. Mwa. Chow my sistas. Das be danye. Adios Amigos. And don't worry, this story can never truly end. I Luv You So Much. See You Next Time. XoXo. Kisses.**


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